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Crucial Confrontations: Tools for talking about broken promises, violated expectations, and bad behaviorx$6.71
  (33 reviews)
Best Price: $6.71
The authors of the New York Times bestseller Crucial Conversations show you how to achieve personal, team, and organizational success by healing broken promises, resolving violated expectations, and influencing good behavior . . Discover skills to resolve touchy, controversial, and complex issues at work and at home--now available in this follow-up to the internationally popular Crucial Conversations. . . Behind the problems that routinely plague organizations and families, you'll find individuals who are either unwilling or unable to deal with failed promises. Others have broken rules, missed deadlines, failed to live up to commitments, or just plain behaved badly--and nobody steps up to the issue. Or they do, but do a lousy job and create a whole new set of problems. Accountability suffers and new problems spring up. New research demonstrates that these disappointments aren't just irritating, they're costly--sapping organizational performance by twenty to fifty percent and accounting for up to ninety percent of divorces. . . Crucial Confrontations teaches skills drawn from 10,000 hours of real-life observations to increase confidence in facing issues like: . . . - An employee speaks to you in an insulting tone that crosses the line between sarcasm and insubordination. Now what? .
- Your boss just committed you to a deadline you know you can't meet--and not-so-subtly hinted he doesn't want to hear complaints about it. .
- Your son walks through the door sporting colorful new body art that raises your blood pressure by forty points. Speak now, pay later. .
- An accountant wonders how to step up to a client who is violating the law. Can you spell unemployment? .
- Family members fret over how to tell granddad that he should no longer drive his car. This is going to get ugly. .
- A nurse worries about what to say to an abusive physician. She quickly remembers "how things work around here" and decides not to say anything. .
. . Everyone knows how to run for cover, or if adequately provoked, step up to these confrontations in a way that causes a real ruckus. That we have down pat. Crucial Confrontations teaches you how to deal with violated expectations in a way that solves the problem at hand, and doesn't harm the relationship--and in fact, even strengthens it. . . Crucial Confrontations borrows from twenty years of research involving two groups. More than 25,000 people helped the authors identify those who were most influential during crucial confrontations. They spent 10,000 hours watching these people, documented what they saw, and then trained and tested with more than 300,000 people. Second, they measured the impact of crucial confrontations improvements on organizational and team performance--the results were immediate and sustainable: twenty to fifty percent improvements in measurable performance. .
UPC: 639785390756
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Customer Reviews
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Peril or Opportunity?
By A26JGAM6GZMM4V on 2004-10-14
As I read this exceptionally informative book, I was again reminded of the fact that the Chinese word for "crisis" has two meanings: peril and opportunity. As those who have been or are now involved in process simplification initiatives already know, every problem encountered offers a valuable learning opportunity. The same is also true when encountering "broken promises, violated expectations, and bad behavior" either within or beyond the workplace. The authors of this volume address questions such as these:
What's a "crucial confrontation"?
What to do before one occurs?
How to know when -- and when NOT -- to initiate one?
How to "get your head right before opening your mouth"?
How to begin a crucial confrontation?
How to involve and engage others to take appropriate action?
How to make keeping commitments (almost) painless?
What to do when others "get sidetracked, scream, or sulk"?
What to do after a crucial confrontation?
How to gain commitment and move to action?
How to solve "big, sticky, complicated problems"?
How to deal with the truly tough? (i.e. the twelve "yeh buts")
The authors also provide four appendices: A self-assessment for measuring confrontation skills, "The Six-Source Model," "When Things Go Right," and discussion questions for reading groups. Although any one of the appendices is worth far more than the cost of this book, their greatest value will be derived when the information and counsel are correlated with the material which the authors share in the nine chapters.
My own rather extensive experience in the business world suggests that "broken promises, violated expectations, and bad behavior" really do offer both perils and opportunities. A careful reading of this book and then an equally careful application of the advice which the authors offer will, in my opinion, reduce (if not eliminate) the former while helping to achieve effective fulfillment of the latter.
Re-Hashed but Good
By AYBFMIUC6XBSG on 2005-03-18
If you have read Crucial Conversations, then you are already very familiar with this book and its contents. The fact is, this book is a re-hashing of Crucial Conversations; however, this time, the principles shared seem more applicable than they were before.
I think that this book is the real and better application of the authors' main principles. It is an easy and quick read and the language is very simple and direct. The book discusses ways to have a confrontation in which results are gained and friendships are not lost. It is a win-win approach. I do believe that this book can and does help. I did not particularily like the Crucial Conversations because it wasn't real earth shattering and seemed to simple. This time, however, the subject of "confrontations" seems more open to the authors' intentions-- thus a better read.
This is a good book to read and a better book to apply.
The Essential Guide to Confrontation
By A1W9KQRCZ9ORHB on 2004-09-23
We all have confrontations to deal with in our daily lives, both at work and at home. I head technology audit for a company and confrontation is a daily fact of life. Holding people accountable for actions, inactions and trying to change behavior is a stressful part of many people's jobs. This book provides an effective approach to handling all aspects of confrontation.
It even provides the often overlooked need for (effective) confrontation. Book illustrates this point with the example of the Challenger space shuttle tragedy (could have been averted had known issues been raised) and the tragic-comic example of a patient who went into hospital with an ear ache and came out with a vasectomy - because he wouldn't speak up!
Importantly, the authors provide practical approaches that can be applied in the real world in everyday life. This book's lessons can be applied in both professional and personal life. Wish I had it years ago.
This is a field guide for generating postive outcomes from confrontation in all aspects of life. An excellent what, when and how guide.
Speak up and maybe save your life
By AU21B1L8XB9B5 on 2004-12-02
I surprised myself by reading almost the entire book during a two-week trip to Thailand w. The authors do a great job of showing how NOT stepping up has allowed catastrophic consquences to result. For example, the co-pilot who chose not to speak up when the pilot was preparing to take off in freezing weather with ice building up on the wings. All that survived was the cockpit tape that has the copilot hinting at the danger and not taking a powerful stand with the pilot. Our circumstances are not likely to be that drastic, but it is really very serious business.
I like that the book recognizes that speaking up can be risky and talks about how to make reasonably sure that you won't hurt your career or relationship when you choose to speak up.
The keys to managing the conversation so you don't get off in the weeds and get a valuable result begin with stepping back for a moment and remembering how you got to your reaction. The authors say we start by seeing or hearing something, draw come conclusions, react and then take action. If you review what exactly are the facts you started with and what are the interpretations or conclusions you came to, you are free to share it as a story the other person can understand. If you speak as if your conclusions are facts, you can lose the rapport you need to have a good outcome.
I like the question the authors suggest asking yourself to get to how to start a conversation that doesn't amount to an attack: "What would cause a reasonable, rational and decent person to act like this?" Answering that question puts me in a frame of mind to begin with an attitude of mutual respect.
The other major key for me that I got out of the book is realizing that when someone does react badly during a conversation like this is that two key safety issues could be percieved as missing: mutual respect and mutual purpose. If you are ready to restore a sense of mutual respect and mutual purpose, then you can get back out of the weeds of someone reacting in ways you don't intend or that surprise you.
Providing a way of knowing what to do if things go wrong in the conversation is key to my being willing to take on having the conversation in the first place. Most people just keep quiet and there is a cost to that. Some people hold back until they blow up and that doesn't work very well either.
That is my three paragraph teaser about the book. I like that the book is based on over 20 years of studying people who excell at this type of conversation and distilling how they do it.
Wasn't Impressed
By A2A2SUY3IOQKY1 on 2004-10-22
Lots of diagrams and drawings, pointing arrows, etc. I felt as though I were back in class and was missing the required supplementary workbook.
This book seems to address mainly work situations where the reader is the boss and having difficulty with a recalcitrant employee. There just wasn't much for me here to apply to my own life.
- Help with Teenagers!
By A2ZE8DKRTZ9LMY on 2004-12-14
This book has helped me to enter the sometimes scary world of teenage children. It gave me skills to keep "in dialogue" with my children even when confronting them on "bad behavior, broken promises, or failed expectations." Since first reading this book, I have practiced these skills and am getting better with my practice. I love the concept of keeping the conversation "safe". Its amazing that I can confront my children on issues that before they would blow up, but now we are able to agree and see things the same way. I love to end with the question - Do you see it the same way, or have I missed something? This helps them to know that I really have their best interests at heart. This book is a must-read for parents, teachers, employers, and employees. It has helped me to better my relationships in all aspects of my life.
- Sounds great, but implementation?
By A33VT434L835KU on 2006-07-20
The ideas presented in this book seem to be excellent ways to have critical oonversations, but I found two things lacking. First, reading about conversations and making them happen are two different things. Although it's no fault of the book, I think it will be difficult to put these easily into play without practice.
Second, there are no examples I noticed where the outcome WAS as bad as it could be. For example, one conversation centered on a man who suspects his wife of an affair. He confronts her only to find that she has a valid excuse for her actions, and is not in fact unfaithful. What if she had said "yes, I'm having an affair"? There's no follow up when the answer IS what you've hoped it won't be. Those seem like they could be the most critical conversations of all.
- TERRIFIC BOOK
By A15HEIJGO91BUL on 2004-09-21
I saved my job by reading this book. One of my co-workers and I were having a difficult time getting along. I loved my job, but this friction between the two of us was really starting to bug me and although the job market is tight right now, I had decided to float my resume around and see what was out there.
BUt, I went to the bookstore and saw CRUCIAL CONFRONTATIONS. It had so much great advice on how to deal with confrontation in a positive way. By using the books advice, I was able to "confront" my co-worker and I realized we really were not that far apart in opinions...we just expressed them differently. It would be a stretch to say that we will be best friends, but I do think we have reached a common ground and I no longer feel the need to leave my job.
Go buy this book if you are have difficulty in your job. marriage or family...It is worth every penny.
- The CD is abridged even though it says otherwise on Amazon.
By A1VB8CUDK165ET on 2006-07-21
The CD is abridged even though it says otherwise on Amazon.
- Great Advice!
By AG8OEV5TUWMKR on 2005-07-31
I work as a first line production manager at a Fortune 500 company. This book has helped me in developing my skills in confronting people on performance issues. Even though the book may make it seem easier than we all know it is, it lays out very clear fundamental steps on what to do. I think the outline is the fundamental part we all miss when we seem to fail at crucial confrontations. This book is not the bible, but if you are having issues with employees or family members not holding true to committments this book will teach you simple to follow guidelines, so that the next time is more successful.
- Packed with Knowledge!
By A1NATT3PN24QWY on 2005-04-25
Although confrontation is difficult for many people, it is often necessary. Failure to confront someone over bad behavior may be misinterpreted as approval. Confrontations can help bring people back to a better, more productive course. However, confrontations also can go off track and become shouting matches (or worse). Authors Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan and Al Switzler outline a method for approaching confrontations when the stakes are particularly high; those are the crucial confrontations. Boiled down to its essentials, the methodology consists of focusing on facts, remaining calm, listening to the other person with respect and working to motivate the other person and to enable a change in behavior. The book is light, anecdotal and easy to read. Yet, we find that it offers so much sound advice that any manager, parent or spouse could find something useful.
- Creating a Culture of Performance
By A3ON1KRFCWH9FB on 2005-02-03
Crucial Confrontations is the perfect companion book to its predecessor Crucial Conversations. Both are indispensable tools in creating a culture of performance. With its universally applicable principles and practical skills for resolving broken promises, violated expectations and bad behavior, it provides the diagnostic keys to unbundling seemingly complex issues that hold individuals, teams and organizations at a distance from their preferred futures. Beyond the welcome relief that comes from just cracking the code on a performance or relationship issue - these tools actually have the power to "knock people into gear" by making visible some of the long-term (seemingly invisible) costs associated with more typical coping or carping strategies. Without exaggeration, the skills that are suggested during a Crucial Confrontation entitled: Make it Motivating and Make it Easy can literally "change the chemistry" of the interaction to make closing the gap between what's expected and what's delivered a reality.
- Crucial Confrontations, excellent choice
By A1UFDDT3AFZXMN on 2006-03-10
As a continuation of Crucial Conversations this is an excellent book. It gives solutions that can be put into practice in every area of my life. It is a very powerful book. With practice, the choice of responding rather than reacting becomes second nature.
- Can't get too much of a good thing.
By A2LGHFXS65FN3H on 2004-09-28
In Crucial Confrontations these 4 author/practitioners continue on the Crucial Conversation path. They begin with definitions of terms, move to concrete examples and provide useful tools for improving dialogue in tough situations, in all aspects of life and work.
The ability to have a tool for measuring your abilities in holding crucial confrontations is appealing as we all like to know where we stand. They also offer lots of tools on their website that supports this current work - www.crucialconfrontations.com
There are no absolutes for how we hold crucial confrontations and these 4 authors provide a template from which to work so that anyone can be successful. Authentic, Credible and great to know you are not alone in this navigation toward improved communications.
- A must read for anyone!
By AED71V9J4IMMD on 2006-10-13
Crucial Confrontations is written very well, is interesting and is applicational for every aspect of life. The book was so helpful, after reading it in one weekend, I bought 8 more copies to give to my executive team members. Well done and thanks for the years of research that went into the book. I use the communication techniques outlined on a regular basis and they really, REALLY work.
- Very Useful
By A32F606BYD47CR on 2006-03-11
This is a workbook for people in organizations or any relationship to have a succesesful confrontation. I think the ideas are very good. It follows some of the basic tenets of Conflict Resolution.
- A must have for all!!!!!
By AK46P6U6PBMDK on 2007-04-01
This book is the sequal to "Crucial Conversations" and follows the same type of format as the previous book. Once again, the book is outstanding. The books gives you tools to work on the crucial confrontations that can occur after the crucial conversations that you have just had.
This book can further assist anyone in leadership to learn the techniques that can assist the conversations that are uncomfortable or haven't led anywhere to a successful end.
This book is also great for a couple, for friends, or for anyone who has entered into crucial confrontations with someone.
It is a perfect companion to Crucial Conversations. Easy to read.
- Common sense, but difficult to do
By A30P5HOS0G8EDB on 2006-03-10
Great book to heighten awareness of why we don't speak up when we should. Also, when we do speak up, are we so aggressive that other's are brought to silence. Working in healthcare, silence causes harm and everyone in healthcare should read this and crucial conversations
- Excellent Book/CD on handling crucial Confrontations
By A3HQMIG0JZL9BN on 2007-01-04
This book is excellent. We purchased 100 of these books to pass out to our account managers, operations managers, and project managers. The tools learned in this book are excellent. I bought the CD's so that I can listen to the book over and over again.
- Informative
By A4K3BQOHY1ZGD on 2007-01-04
The book, although hard to get excited about in the begining, offers insight into confrontations that you experience any given day during your life. It's thorough and offers helpful ideas.
- A decent read...
By A2D1I3HKBH4TP7 on 2007-03-20
This book is good on structure and well organized for retention, with some very good points and very approachable examples and analogies. It is not a must read for everyone, and the insights provided are fairly straightforward. It moves pretty quickly and stays focused, so its worth your time if you feel that confrontations are a weakness.
- A Relational Guide to Confrontation
By A2FXLY41OAJHXB on 2007-08-24
In this example filled guide to crucial confrontations - those times when holding someone accountable is critical to what is important to you - the authors present a relational model for what to do as you become aware of a gap between your expectations and what has or is happening in the specific situation.
The concept approaches the crucial confrontation in `before', `during', and `after' steps; requiring you to spend some `before' time deciding `what' is the specific issue to be addressed and `if' you should enter into the crucial confrontation - what do you desire out of the relationship is a key question to help identify the real issue. Also in the `before' phase, you are asked to master your emotions by considering not only `your story', but also by considering the other person's context and thus `their story' - are they really doing this because they want to fail with you? Probably not - they just have an entirely different perspective (their story) on the situation!
The `during' step requires that you confront with safety and stay with the facts; assuring the other party that mutual respect and mutual purpose are present. The `after' step requires agreement on an action plan and follow-up. Along the way, there are tools to avoid getting side-tracked, with ample examples of situations that may arise and suggestions for dealing with them. The book is recommended for anyone interested in improving any of their many relationships, business or personal.
- IF You Could Buy Only One Book
By A4IIMVTM44B10 on 2007-09-24
I read this when it was first published and then bought it for each staff member as one of our required primers. I also gave one to each of my Board members. If there is one book I wish had existed 30 years ago, this is it.
- Excellent for reviewing with employees
By A2O0WMLBD9TD94 on 2007-02-06
This book enabled me to deal with fellow employees who are difficult to work with, on most occasions, with a positive outcome.
- this is IT!
By AQFGREHNFDQS3 on 2007-05-07
exceeded my expectations...a must read for all those seeking practical strategies to lessen the 'drama' in face-to-face accountability discussions.
- Crucial Confrontations
By A23JVAS9IWZ1R5 on 2007-05-08
Excellent book. Easy directions and explanations to implement the Crucial Confrontation Model.
- Crucial Confrontations
By A2I7DWN4913JRY on 2007-06-27
A must read for supervisors and managers. With outstanding proven approaches to knowing what you want from a conversaton, what the other wants, and watching out for the relationship. Found it useful at work as a reference book, plus a great read for personal relationship communications as well. Would suggest reading Crucial Conversations first to really get the full view.
- Daily problems solutions
By A31DQ1WETVK5NJ on 2007-11-09
Confrontations with other people's ideas, opinions and actions are part of a daily routine. Books like "Crucial Confrontations" show us how it looks like when stakes are high and results could strongly influence our lives. Having such book "on our side" help us to confrontate daily challenges successfully. For both side's sake.
- Great lessons for work and life
By A16LYV97GWDCN6 on 2007-11-07
Having read both this book and "Crucial Conversations" more than once, let me say that they are both worth reading more than once! In its latest reading, I used this book for a book study at work, guiding my team (I'm their boss) through the book and the lessons in the book. The team had been largely dysfunctional, had serious problems with communication, apparently had no idea of how to deal with confrontations, and might very well have imploded completely. Over the course of a few months, we read this book chapter by chapter (with some breaks), discussed each of the lessons, and started to put them into play.
Today, the team communicates far better, has become highly functional, has improved their interpersonal skills, and are a joy to work with.
Several of the team said that they were already starting to put some of the things they'd learned into practice in their personal lives, and I can see them applying them at work daily.
The lessons that you can glean from this book are HUGE. If you find yourself struggling to have real conversations about issues small and large, if you have a relationship that is in some jeopardy, or if you just want to be more effective in a leadership or teaming role, read these books.
For instance, the idea of mastering your stories... what is it that you assume about the motivations of the other person, and how do those assumptions generate feelings which drive YOUR behaviors? Learning about your "stories", how to discuss them with others, and how that affects you could be the start of something wonderful for you.
Read these books. Now.
- Great job
By A1HIPCIEYTSWLZ on 2007-12-12
I appreciate the books a great deal. They are wonderful tools for improving communication, which is something we all need, and especially when the stakes are high. Great book.
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