I Sleep at Red Lights: A True Story of Life After Triplets Reviews

• A Wonderful Memoir

  
  By A4R8GJX3UZ1I on 2004-04-12
  Bruce Stockler's I Sleep at Red Lights is a wondeful memoir which recounts Stockler's experience, for a couple years at least, of parenting triplets. Stockler's experience is a little different than most dads, however. While his wife is a high-powered lawyer at a Manhattan law firm, Stockler is the one who eventually stays home with the kids. They start out in Manhattan in a small apartment, but eventually move to the suburbs. Stockler's story is very funny and heartwarming. ONe of the things that makes this book work is Stockler's almost brutal honesty--he sugarcoats nothing--not his relationship with his wife or his feelings for his kids. His life has not been picture-perfect in the Norman Rockwell sense, but there is a lot of love in that Stockler family and Stockler shares it with us well. Enjoy.
  
  

• Funniest Book of 2003!

  
  By A3TO7O86GAF1RW on 2003-07-24
  Wow, I can't remember the last time I laughed out loud when reading a book. I was reading this out loud to my wife and my brother. Stockler's book works on three levels--first, it's just a hilarious adventure story. The chapters on taking the kids to the ladies room (because the men's room is filthy, which he compares to The Andromeda Strain) and going to the supermarket, where the kids cause mayhem, are classics. But underneath all the comedy is a really incredible intelligence, always taking a step back and analyzing how his life works, what's important, and what it's like to be a man. It's also an incredibly honest look at marriage. Stockler admits that he ie emotionally closer to his kids than hiw wife, and, in his own quiet way, it's kind of a revolutinoary statement. He basically says that being married is harder than being a Dad. That takes a lot of guts--but this is one honest book. He also writes about the dynamics of the kids--they way the four of them have a whole spider-web of interlocking relationships--the the eyes for detail that Graham Greene had for his characters. And the third level is the journey he takes--how he folds in his parents and his childhood to deliver us to a discovery of who he is and where he came from. So it's also a very serious book. Much more serious than the cover would have you think. It's a more important memoir than any memoir I've read. While it's not as "important" or post-modern or self-conscious as Dave Egger's masterpiece, I think it is more honest and compelling, and much more true. It's also more insightful than the two Augusten Burroughs books. It's really a one-of-a-kind book and I'm glad I discovered it. Read this book. It will stay in your mind for weeks.
  
  

• Reading Group on Family/Marriage 2003

  
  By on 2003-11-23
  I Sleep At Red Lights is one of those small, wonderful books that you give to your best friend. That's why my best friend did to me. I fell in love with it and immediately gave it to my book club. We read it together with "AGAINST LOVE: A Polemic," By Laura Kipnis, and together the two books provide an amazing look inside marriage and family. Stockler's book is an unusually honest and provacative account of a role-reversal marriage in which he is the emotional backbone and his wife the provider. It's also a wonderful love poem not only to his children but from all fathers to all children. Kipnis's book is more academic but equally humorous, a scathing and profound attack on the obsolescent institution of marriage, but written from the outside. The difficulties in Stockler's marriage can be partially explained by Kipnis's analysis--both Stockler and his wife find themselves trapped in roles, even though they are reversed--and yet the humor and resiliency in Stockler's book clearly shows how one true life example can confound even the most intuitive, carefully-researched critique. Stockler's marriage shouldn't work, but it does. That doesn't detract from Kipnis's book; in fact, she would probably appreciate the quirky way the Stockler family adapts. Together, these two books make an irresistible reading group package that will keep you talking for weeks.
  
  

• All Men Are Not Created Equal

  
  By AOYGTIGSJFGBV on 2004-01-27
  I heard the author on public radio, talking about his crazy marriage and his book, and so I just bought it. It's a riot! I've never read anything by a man that's at once so funny and observant, but also so touching, emotionally revealing and meaningful. The best part is his brutal honesty--while still being funny--about how difficult marriage is. It's about being a man, being married to a man, juggling marriage and kids--and the chapters on taking his kids to the ladies' room and the supermarkets are classics. My only complaint is--no pictures! Except for the author--and the bags under his eyes tell me this is DEFINITELY a true story.
  
  

• Cheap title/soulful book. A classic.

  
  By A2D20UM1KZX1GR on 2004-03-13
  Oh my God. You'll laugh, you'll cry. You will think YOUR life is easy and manageable. You will count your blessings, because the author shows you how. This guy is honest (example: he states that he loves his son more than he loves his wife early on in the book), can really turn a phrase, and loves, loves, loves his (older son) Asher and his babies. I would love to meet him at Starbucks and have a cup of coffee. He is a man who gets it! How about a sequel or two? The kids are only about 7 and 3 when it ends. God bless this lovely, human man.
  
  
• This is real life
  By on 2004-03-13
  I'm an older, working, single mother of twins and this is a TERRIFIC book. I think Bruce self-effacingly doesn't convey how even harder it is than his descriptions. Please DO WRITE A SEQUEL -- I am dying to know, as my own children are growing up, how everyone turns out. Highest praise for a wonderful look at a situation much like my own -- this is what books are for: to give one an honest and deep look at another's reality for insights about our own life. Thank you, Dear Bruce and Roni and all four dear children.
  
  
• Or, how NOT to raise children...
  By A14L2638XC00EZ on 2004-04-22
  This is an extremely funny, and extremely well written book. It is also a light read. Anybody who has kids and has silently thanked God that they did not have twins or triplets themselves will enjoy Stockler's honest and witty rendering of what life with triplets is really like (i.e., chaotic and sleep-deprived).

  Unfortunately, my enjoyment of this book was marred by my increasing dislike of Stockler's wife. If Stockler described their relationship and her involvement as a parent honestly, I can't understand why he remains married to her and/or why she ever bothered to go through IVF in the first place. She is a high powered New York lawyer, who works until at least 10 pm most nights and often later. Stockler's book is a litany of all the important rites of passage that Roni missed because she was at work, as well as all the "unimportant" (but just as crucial from the perspective of a child) day in and day out moments that make up the bulk of child-rearing. I am a working mother myself, but I took unpaid leaves of absence for the first years of both my children's lives, and I gladly put up with lowered productivity (and hence salary) now in order to make my children my highest priority. I might have been more understanding if Stockler's wife was doing important, challenging work that she found fulfilling, but according to Stockler, she HATED her job and was there just for the money. And it was at that point I lost sympathy for both her and Stockler. There are more important things than money, and being there to raise your children well is one of them. Stockler acknowledged repeatedly through the book that Roni didn't have to endure that brutal work schedule, that they could have moved to a more affordable region of the country and gotten by on what she (or he) could have made in a more normal job with less brutal work hours. The big unanswered question in the book is why the heck they didn't, then.

  But Stockler wasn't much of a hero himself. As you read the book, his obvious love for his children shines through (although while I appreciate his honesty in pointing out his difficulties in bonding with the one girl, Hannah, I cringe to think of how she will feel one day when she reads this book), and you've got to admire his willingness to be not just Mr. Mom, but Mr. Mom of triplets and an older child. But I found myself wishing he would read a few parenting manuals, as some of his parenting tactics (offering bribes for good behavior, letting the children stay up as late as they want on school nights) leave much to be desired. I know it is hard to be firm and enforce rules, and it must be exponentially more difficult when dealing with three toddlers at once, but as every parent (except, apparently, Stockler) knows, giving in is easier in the short term but sets disastrous precedents for the long run. The giving in and bribes sure make for more entertaining reading, but I can't help but think that these are going to be some pretty out of control teenagers.

  I probably shouldn't criticize when I have not (thank God) had to deal with the breath-taking logistical problems of raising triplets. That Stockler has been able to do so while maintaining a sharp sense of humor is to his credit. However, I think it is fair to say that when I reached the end of the book, my memories of having chuckled through most of it were overshadowed by the sad realization that this book portrays the worst of modern American culture: when a big paycheck is more important than spending time with your children.
  
  

• Under My Xmas Tree
  By on 2003-12-11
  I'm a sucker for those old-fashioned, big-family stories like "Cheaper By The Dozen" (now a Steve Martin movie, I see) and "Please Don't Eat The Daisies." This book turns out to be a real-life version that's wonderfully funny and warm and elegantly written, but it's also a deep and illuminating look inside the serious issues of what being a parent means in relation to career, marriage, ego, friends and family, and all the other complications of life. It's great to stumble across a book that really breaks new ground and I'm giving it to my husband and my girlfriends. Great details about the craziness of day-to-day life and wonderfully-drawn characters, too. Also a great book to read out loud.
  
  
• Hilarious!
  By on 2004-04-24
  This is a hilarous account of family life told through a man's point of view. The POV is refreshing and it's a book that will have you laughing and nodding your head. For humor from a mother's POV I recommend Debbie Farmer's 'Don't Put Lipstick on the Cat!' I give both books five stars for family humor!
  
  
• The Most Surprising Memoir
  By A12MLYNAGITZ75 on 2004-10-19
  I read one of the author's Op Ed pieces, saw the title of the book, and decided to give it a try. This book was the most wonderful surprise, as fresh as a smack across the face, as funny as Jon Stewart on a roll, as honest as a Norah Jones song. The author's relationship with his wife is rendered with amazing depth and complexity, but it's his pulsating awareness of how important his children are and how blessed every day is that makes the book such a joy to read. The only negative is the cover, which makes it look like one of those ooey-gooey baby books I never read. You should definitely give it a read.
  
  
• Brave New World of Parenthood
  By A36CYVSJZNYTQA on 2004-01-09
  Wow -- this book really made my New Year start off with a bang. A girlfriend gave it to me for Christmas, and I read it straight through on New Year's Day. It is unbelievably charming and well-written, and the author takes the form of the memoir and a parenting book and makes them uniquely his own. My husband is a wonderful father, but much more reserved and old-fashioned when it comes to the emotional core of this book. I laughed out loud and cried, too. I'm definitely going to use it in my book club. And I'm giving it as my belated Xmas present to all my girlfriends. A great find -- pass it along.
  
  
• One Of The Best Books of 2003
  By A6H4ABC5WBXJQ on 2004-01-26
  I absolutely fell in love with this book, a gift from a girlfriend. It's one of those books you pass along to people you love. It's unique--memoir, journey, humorous essay, exploration of marriage--and incredibly passionate. The book received almost no hype, which is a shame, because it's as good or better than most of the 2003 memoirs, large and small--Ambulance Girl, Jarhead, True Notebooks, Hillary Clinton, etc. It's 100 times the book that "A Million Little Pieces" is, but it's almost always about the advertising and the PR, not the book. A charming, intelligent and surprising book, for parents and non-parents alike.
  
  
• I completely understand...
  By A564AD66J2F43 on 2004-01-02
  As the mother of two sets of twins born 3 years apart I can understand everything Bruce writes about. For all of you that wrote negative comments you probably haven't been there or done it so don't criticize his or Roni's parenting techniques. With so many kids the same age you have to do whatever keeps you sane, even if it is hiring a nanny to care for your kids. I loved this book and would recommend it to parents, especially dads of multiples.
  
  
• Kudos from sleep deprived mom
  By A2JZPGOW6VYZOK on 2003-08-18
  I didn't have triplets, but I did survive colic. I was so relieved that someone out there was more sleep deprived than I was, that I told everyone about this book. Even if you have just one baby at a time, read "I Sleep at Red Lights" for a funny, honest look at the first years of parenthood.
  
  
• Family Values, Great Writing
  By A5P3HVCV80W3O on 2004-12-08
  The author is a humor writer who uses his skills to dig deep down inside the unique and chaotic situation of his home life--having triplets, losing his job, becoming a stay at home Dad, trying to work through a difficult marriage--by paying attention to the little details that make a story absorbing and pulling back to reveal how much energy it takes to change the course of your life. A really joyful, liberating look at fatherhood and family life that deserves a much wider audience than the baby book ghetto it has been lumped into.
  
  
• Warm, moving, hillarious - what a family is!
  By A2B8ZM7TGZK0ZH on 2003-07-13
  Bruce Stocklers story of life after triplets left me feeling that the joys of parenthood are what life is all about. From running through supermarkets, to mealtime and equal time, children are the fun and laughter of our lives. The book is also poignant. Stocklers description of bringing his older son into the healthfood srore to make fun of the funny foods, shows a sentitive and observant side that all children, whether they be a multiple, the oldest or youngest all deserve their parents time and energy. When he describes his tiny wife, bedridden and huge, its hard not to laugh at his desciption and cry for her predicament. Bruce Stockler says he realizes the sacrifices his wife made for him to be able to stay home and write and care for the children while she worked long hard hours, also shows a man who understands how lucky he is to have a wife who not only was able to support a family, but to sacrifice for their well being.
  
  
• Action Adventure Love Story
  By A1NR557YXUJQN0 on 2003-07-21
  I'm a single woman with no children and could not be induced to read a book on "parenting" if it were the last tome left on a scorched earth after the last book-barbecue. Luckily that's not what this is. It is a love story told at an action-adventure pace about what happens to a relationship when two strong-willed personalities are faced with a spectacularly successful IVF attempt.

  Does everything end happily ever after? Hell no, there's a lot of headbutting and that 's what you've got to love about this book, Stockler is disarmingly honest about marital dynamics post delivery, about his neuroses and hers. These are two very strong characters who can really duke out those issues about the expectations of what "Mommy" does and what "Daddy" does that lurk right below the covers of most marriage of this generation with kids.

  The kids are characters and Stockler's descriptions of their
  oddyssies through supermarkets and, in one of the funniest scenes from a memoir in modern memory, when Stockler takes the triplets and their slightly older brother to the ladies
  room at a mall (a chapter worth [$$$] on its own), but more interesting is the undlerlying relationship he has with his wife. Both are strong willed and awkwardly shuffling classic
  gender roles, challenging each other without a road map as the encounter some rough road -- corporate America may give lip service to the Little League Dad, but has no tolerance for a male primary care parent who needs to
  invoke the same privileges woman have been afforded, Stockler finds.

  This guys is hilarious, but even more rare he is emotionally honest about family life which so often is suffused with
  mawkishness or self-conscious irony. Stockler is really trying to figure out how to live happily ever after.

  I read this book in one night!!!
  
  

• My Christmas List
  By A2NTGZ961ZWV2 on 2003-12-04
  I am giving this wonderful, funny and clear-eyed book about family, marriage, love, career and the meaning of life to my sisters, girlfriends, my two aunts and the other teachers in my school for Christmas. Also on my Xmas list is Mitch Albom's "The Five People...", which is more manipulative and sentimental, but, put together, a nice combination of a great book by a first-time author and an easy-reading best-seller.
  
  
• Hilarious, Tender, Insightful--A Very Special Book
  By A1S2M7E485BU3Z on 2003-06-16
  I really love this book. It's unique and "special" the way certain books are in your life--remember how "Zen & The Art of Motorcyle Maintenance" made you feel? Or "The World According to Garp?" This isn't as literary as "Zen," but it is extremely well-written. It also manages to be one of the most insightful and honest books I've ever read on marriage, being a parent, facing career choices and financial decisions--how all the complexities of life come together. (Ladies, it's also a rare insight into how men think. My husband's already getting aggravated hearing about it!) It's sneaky how the author makes the book seem like a comic adventue story, kind of a Please Don't Meet the Daises on speed--there's a lot going on, and the author keeps the book moving briskly, which I admire--but the moments of introspection, when he examines how is life is changing and how he is changing, are incredbly thoughtful. The book is rarely sentimental, but poignant about what matters most in life. The way he writes about his four children is so keenly observed, you don't notice he's really writing about our whole American life. What he's saying is, you don't have unlimited choices and time in life, and by learning how to shift your priorities--both in your head and outside yourself--you really grow. You can read this as a funny and smart beach book or look between the lines for the very hard-earned wisdom. I laughed and I cried--this is a book about ordinary people in extraordinary circumstances rendered with really evocative and passionate power. Buy one for your parents and your best friend and your book club.
  
  
• Under My Xmas Tree
  By A3JJ1O6QITF335 on 2004-12-14
  My sister gave me this book for Mother's Day because I was complaining about how my husband would rather watch the Braves or Falcons than play with the kids. What an amazing and incredible book! The author is a magazine editor married to a lawyer, and they have a fairly typical role-reversal marriage--he takes care of the kid on nights and weekends, she does renovation projects--but their lives are turned upside down when they have triplets. The way he writes about his feelings for his kids, and his tensions with his wife, are incredibly honest and hilariously true. The author loses his job, becomes a full-time stay-at-home Dad, they move to the suburbs, they suffer a death in the family--it's really a roller coaster ride, and the writing is just beautiful. I laughed out loud and I cried. I read some reviews where they didn't like the wife, but I did--she's a real person, with good and bad sides, and not a black and white character like in most memoirs. I can't get my husband to read the book--but all my girlfriends have and I'm giving it to my mother-in-law for Xmas--my last hope. She'll understand!
  
  
• I laughed out loud while reading it!!
  By A1D7JDWQCAS8US on 2003-08-30
  I am ordering a few more copies to send to my friends who also have small kids because it is HYSTERICAL and so true to life - even if you don't have multiples. Please read this book!
  
  
• Shimmering Love Story
  By on 2003-07-01
  This is a love story. The story moves so quickly, and so much happens to the author and his family, that it didn't hit me until the final pages how this book was really an elegant and deeply-felt love story of a man and his children. I was very moved by the author's brutal honesty about how difficult his marriage is and how his emotional relationship with his children becomes the central fact of his life. It's a wonderful book, I laughed and cried and was sad when it was over.
  
  
• Family Values X 3 and Hilarious
  By on 2003-06-17
  What a funny, funny guy Stockler is. I bought this book for my wife for her birthday and read it myself. This guy is way funnier and smarter than Dave Barry, but not as literary as David Sedaris (but more clued into reality)--he's right up the middle. This book made me laugh but also think. It's also paced like an adventure story, moves quickly. Lots of great characters in the book--the author, his eccentric wife, the babysitter, the crazy people he meets. A great read. And that's from a guy who loves The Perfect Storm and Into Thin Air.
  
  
• Comforting and Hilarious Words About Real Parenthood
  By A1HYMEMWT24DF5 on 2003-05-02
  Right after I gave birth to my son, Anne LaMott's Operating Instructions was my bible. It told very real, accurate and funny stories about the weird world we all occupy during our children's first year. This book does it times 3 or 4. I enjoyed Stocklers real-life tale of taking a small army to the grocery store or trying to find a clean bathroom in a shopping mall. Funny, touching and emotionally literate. This is what it's really like - the tremendous pride and happiness, the self-doubt, the humor that only sleep deprivation can produce. It's refreshing to read about the emotional experiences of a man who is a stay-at-home dad. He is ruthless in his observation of the corporate world and how truly family -unfriendly it is. This is a great baby present for any expecting family. Read it.
  
  
• a joy
  By APWJF5NHBZ5ND on 2003-07-13
  What a delightful fun book for any parent!
  Any parent - mom or dad - no matter how many kids you have - separately - or all at once - can enjoy this insightful, wise trip through early parenthood. I saw myself in some of the author's shoes. I envied him sometimes, I shuddered with him sometimes, I laughed or smiled with him most of the time. The trips+1 are lucky to have these parents.
  I was lucky to read this book. u will b2
  
  
• Don't read this book in public!
  By ARQJ2QGV9M5VK on 2004-12-23
  You'll be laughing so hard that people will be staring at you. Hey, this guy is as funny as Dave Barry. I'm taking it to my mother in a nursing home, who could use a few laughs, and I'm also ordering a few copies for friends.
  I agree with other posters that some photos of the kids would have been nice - and how about an update on their progress today?
  
  
• Couldn't Sleep, Couldn't Put It Down
  By A30RIB5GI660VP on 2005-03-17
  What a wonderful surprise this book was -- a gift from a friend with twins -- had never even heard of it -- an amazing, big-hearted, down-to-earth, bitingly well-written, terribly honest, amazingly observed story of a Dad who thinks he knows everything about being a great Dad, who then faces the ultimate test -- three new babies, losing his job, becoming a stay-at-home Dad, trying to work it out with a smart but quirky and difficult wife -- the incredible bouts of humor (taking his kids to a disgusting public restroom) seamlessly mixing with his exploration of anti-family prejudice at work, his bizarre Dad, his loving but anxious mom, his struggles to become a full-time writer. And the triplets--from the first minutes of their lives, their sharply-described personalities bursting into the story and reshaping everything. A really unique memoir and a powerful voice of love and faith and truth.
  
  
• Groundbreaking New Memoir
  By A23SHAI9UECIK8 on 2003-06-18
  I am so happy I found this book. I love memoirs and biographies, but this book is one-of-a-kind. Stockler sees everything in his life--his marriage to his wacky wife, his 3-year-old, and the startling news that his small family is going to double in size--through a comic lens. But that lense is incredibly sharp and accurate--behind all the funny stories there is a very penetrating sensibility. He finds the drama in the most mundane--a trip to the bathroom with all four kids--and the humor in the dramatic--when he goes to the NICU to see "Baby A" after the C-section, and the NICU seems to have lost the baby. There are moments of chaos and craziness followed by dollops of wistful insight that are real epiphanies. I have little kids and reading this book is like seeing my life in a whole new light. Some of the thoughts Stockler comes up with I have had myself, and some are so clever and funny I'm jealous I didn't think of them. It's really an amazing book and you can't put it in a category--it's a new kind of memoir for our new world of working moms, stay-at-home Dads, fertility problems, careers that go wrong. I hope you read it and give one to a friend. I'm curious if there might be a sequel...
  
  
• Hit the nail on the head
  By A2TM3XLL5RDF25 on 2005-02-14
  As the aunt of triplet girls, so many of the incidents brought back memories. From the sleepless nights to the grocery shopping mayhem, Stockler could have been telling my sister's story. Stockler has managed to capture not only the difficulties of raising multiples, but also the rewards x 3. I would love to see a sequel,let us know what the teen years will bring!!
  
  
• Interesting book, unlikeable man
  By ARYRLWR792PNF on 2004-10-17
  This is an at-times funny book, especially the author's descriptions of when his kids get older. It is interesting to see them develop unique personalities and the parents should be commended on trying to make sure the kids (including the oldest, non-triplet son) grow up close to their siblings.
  
  But my enjoyment of the book was marred by several things. For one, the author is very clear about his favortism towards his sons at the expense of his daughter. I can't help but think about how she'll feel growing up and reading that one day. While the author worried about letting her be too much of a typical girl, because he thought he would spend sleepless nights worrying about her during her teen years, a more pressing issue are the sleepless nights he'll endure while she's out dating man after man trying to find the love and attention she didn't get from her father.
  
  Also I have to wonder what kind of man sits back letting his wife work 90 hours a week at a job she hates, fighting with her over who gets to wheel the stroller down the block to the coffee shop the few times she is home, and won't improve his wife's work/family balance by either getting a job of his own or moving to any one of the numerous places they could raise a family for less money. The only real reasons he gives for not moving are that their family is close (although they don't seem to see them that much anyway) and that he doesn't like change. Maybe not, but a change where your kids actually get to grow up with a mom would be a change worth making.
  
  

• Braun IRT 4020 ThermoScan Ear Thermometer

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• When You're Expecting Twins, Triplets, or Quads, Revised Edition: Proven Guidelines for a Healthy Multiple Pregnancy
• Extreme Motherhood: The Triplet Diaries