How to Win Friends & Influence People Reviews

• More than just getting along well with people

  
  By on 2004-02-04
  I think the title of this book may be misleading in that just about everyone can get along with people, and win friends. The part of the title that most people was is the abaility to influence others especially in a way that makes them happy and willing to do what you ask.

  As a supervisor for a department of 50 people, I found it was easy to get people to do what I asked them becuase I was the boss. After reading How To Win Friends and Influence People, I was able to get people to do what I asked not because I was there supervisor, because they wanted to.

  In addition, I have always found that there are always some people (many times my supervisors) who completely lack people skills. Dale Carnegies book taugh me how to work with those people as well.

  I highly recommend How To Win Friends and Influence People to anyone who wants to significantly improve their people skills and especially their ability to positively influence people.

  Great book!
  
  

• Still a winner. A must to develop people skills

  
  By on 2004-02-02
  Dale Carnegie felt that success was only 15% ability and 85% on how you were able to communicate. How effectively we communicate dictates how effective we are in life.

  How To Win Friends and Influence People is a must read for anyone who wants to achieve success.
  
  

• Ironically powerful and effective.

  
  By on 2004-02-05
  When I first came across How To Win Friends and Influence People, my first thought was; "What a crock of _ _ _ _!" Then I met a guy named Barry. He was the best people person I had ever met. Interesting, he had been a employee of Dale Carnegie and
  had been through all the trainings and read all of Mr. Carnegie's books. Needless to say, he highly recommended this book in particular and the Carnegie techniques.

  How To Win Friends and Influence People is a powerful book loaded with timeless information. It made such a difference in my life that soon after reading this book, I recieved a promotion that I had been passed over for previously.

  The only real power is PEOPLE POWER!! This book shows you to get that power.
  
  

• Timeless Advice

  
  By AB3TJAZLAA7HS on 2004-06-26
  His advice is so obvious and so easy, so how come it's so difficult to do yourself and so rarely found in others? Is it cynicism or manipulation? No, it's human nature: Do Unto Others ...

  THE FUNDAMENTALS

  ? "Speak ill of no man and speak all the good you know of everyone."
  People react very badly to criticism; don't do it, not to their face nor behind their back ... especially not behind their back.

  ? Say "Thank You".
  Express appreciation. People yearn, yearn to be appreciated.

  ? Talk about what people want and help them get it.
  "Arouse in others an eager want."
  Corollary: let others take credit for your ideas; they'll like your ideas a lot more if they believe them to be their own.

  WAYS TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU

  ? Be happy to see people.
  Greet everyone you meet and show an interest in them. Remember the things that are important to them.

  ? Smile!

  ? Remembers peoples' names!!
  Remember it, use it when talking to them. A person's name sounds beautiful to them.

  ? Draw people out.
  Encourage them to talk about themselves and their interests.

  ? Actively research the other person's interests.

  ? Every person you meet feels themselves superior to you in some way.
  Strain to find out what that is and recognize their importance. Talk to people about themselves and they will listen to you for hours.

  WIN PEOPLE TO YOUR WAY OF THINKING

  ? Don't argue!
  Give in! Agree that the other person is right; often they are and if they aren't, you'll never convince them of it by arguing.

  ? Don't ever tell a person they're wrong.
  They may be but telling them so is always counterproductive. It is difficult for a person to admit to themselves that they are wrong; harder still to admit it to others.

  ? If you know you're wrong, admit it.
  Openly and freely admit whenever you're wrong. And always leave open the possibility that you're wrong even of you think you aren't.

  ? Friendliness begets friendliness.
  Always begin that way. Don't accuse.

  ? Never neglect a kindness.
  Look for ways to do or say something nice.

  ? Start out by emphasizing areas of agreement.
  When a person has said "no" it's hard to get them to change even if they know they're wrong.

  ? Let the other person do most of the talking.
  Listen patiently and don't interrupt. Let your friends be better than you.

  ? Let people come to your conclusions.
  First, tell me what you expect of me; then tell me what I can expect of you. People will generally live up to the commitments they make to you as long as they came up with them on their own.

  ? Think always in terms of the other person's point of view.
  Where they stand depends on where they sit; figure out where they're sitting.

  ? ? of the people you will ever meet are dying for sympathy.
  Give it to them and they will love you.

  ? A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.

  ? Dramatize your ideas.
  "Don't use logic; tell stories." Make your ideas visible, concrete. Bear in mind that people don't know until you show them what you mean.

  ? Stimulate in others their innate desire to excel (perhaps through a friendly challenge or through competition).

  BE A LEADER

  ? Don't go sailing into difficult interpersonal situations with guns blazing. You'll always get a negative reaction.

  ? Change "but" into "and".
  Be indirect in your criticism. Praise before you condemn.

  ? Ask questions rather than giving orders.

  ? Be very careful to help others preserve their dignity.

  ? People crave recognition: praise the smallest improvement and praise every improvement.

  ? Treat people as though they had the virtues you wished they possessed.
  Give them a reputation to live up to and they will work like crazy to live up to it.

  ? Praise the good; minimize the bad: encourage.
  Make achievement seem possible. Take and encourage little baby steps. Seek out even the most insignificant of successes.

  ? Napoleon: I could conquer the world if only I had enough ribbon.
  
  

• Great book Mr. Carnegie.

  
  By on 2004-02-09
  A friend of mine just got me started in a network marketing company. I asked his upline what is the best way to get my business started off quickly. And he said, "people--you need to go out and meet people."

  I was ready to quit. Nobody I knew would be a good candidate for a business and meeting new people and approaching them on a business opportunity scared the heck out of me.

  He suggested that I read How To Win Friends and Influence People and that this book would teach me what I needed to know to develop the ability to positively influence other people. Cool.

  I read the book and it worked. I overcame my fears and created a great downline. Now I am recommending How To Win Friends and Influence People to everyone I know. By the way, I also overcame my fear of public speaking and am conducting both business presentations and trainings for my reps.

  The book is great. I highly recommend it.
  
  

• A classic indeed!
  By on 2004-02-10
  This is outstanding book by Dale Carnegie is right up there with Think and Grow Rich and other classics. Think of all the books that have been written, have come and gone. Yet How To Win Friends and Influence People lives on. Why? Simple becuase it really works.

  This book will help you achieve all of your dreams and goals and sharpen your people skills.

  How To Win Friends and Influence People is a classic indeed. Deservedly so. Highly recommended.
  
  

• This book is now obsolete.
  By A1GOI8745FGIDN on 2001-09-19
  "Today we come across an individual who behaves like an automation, who does not know or understand himself, and the only person that he knows is the person that he is supposed to be, whose meaningless chatter has replaced communicative speech, whose synthetic smile has replaced genuine laughter, and whose sense of dull despair has taken the place of genuine pain...he suffers from defects of spontaneity and individuality..." As I can validate with the man who recommended this book to me, this observation by Erich Fromm is 100% on target with "Win Friends and Influence People".
  

  This man, who practiced this book, presented himself as superficial, artificial, irregular, and consequently very annoying. He proved to me that these techniques do not facilitate communication- they stifle it. Instead of being direct, this man would only have the courage to give hints or make indirect statements in the form of questions. If I would attempt to explain something to him he didn't understand, he would immediately light up and go, "Oh! I see what you mean buddy." In my head I would think 'You couldn't possibly understand- I didn't even start explaining!' But that's how this "Win Friends" philosphy made him- he's not willing to go through any difficulty at all to understand and communicate with others.
  

  The techniques in this book basically converted this man into a robot. Nobody really knows what kinds of things he's interested in - although at first you think his interests have a lot in common with yours. The man has no sincerity or credibility. When I see him smiling I don't know if he is genuinly happy or just trying to appear pleasant. When he says he agrees with me, it means nothing because he always seems to agree with everyone. I've come to take his liberal and exaggerated complements of me as insults because in doing this, he ignores what is truly worth praise and I know that anything he does for me is really only for his image.

  I'll sum up this book for you:
  1. Fake interest in other people's hobbies to get what you want out of them.
  2. Pretend to agree with whatever people tell you so you'll be more popular.
  3. Only express positive feelings ; do away with sincerity.
  4. Make false excuses for your actions that people would be embarrased to turn down, called "Appealing to the Nobler Motives."
  5. Talk your way out of what you behave yourself into (as if this was possible).
  

  I witnessed the ineffectiveness of a man who devoted himself to this book; I tried this book myself for a while. My conclusions: It contains nothing more than deceptive, manipulative, superficial techniques that have no use and will lead to the detriment of yourself and your relationships. Instead, I recommend reading the book that made this one obsolete: "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" by Dr. Stephen R. Covey.
  
  

• The first and the best self help program
  By on 2004-02-09
  I have to admit that people skills were never my strongpoint. While I had no problem making friends, my problem was handling problem people and taking a leadership role.

  I read the book "How to Win Friends and Influence People" many times. It made all the difference in human relations and I made the transition to a people person to the point where I can handle anybody and have developed strong leadership skills.

  While the book is great, I really enjoy the cd's. Nice 8 pack that helps to reinforce the material while driving around. Great program.

  Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People" was the first and best self help book. In my opinion it is still the best.
  
  

• How to Live Your Life.
  By A34PAZQ73SL163 on 2005-04-03
  For those of us who work in psychology, there is often a tendency to look down on works that were created for the mainstream population. They are sometimes dismissed as "pop psychology." I believe that I regarded How to Win Friends... until I read it upon the recommendation of a friend. I could not have been more wrong about a book. Although Carnegie's title is often the target of derision, it is a deceptively deep and important work. There's a very good reason why How to Win Friends... has been a bestseller for seventy years as the man shares essential truths with us about human behavior. Every single one of us can profit from his advice. His central ideas, such as that one should avoid arguments whenever possible, cannot be questioned. The command that one should listen to others and let them talk about themselves is crucial to being liked. A "simple" idea like that one is one that actually works. I'm considering putting his nine rules for effective leadership on my wall so I can remember to generate enthusiasm in others and lead by example.
  
  I was really surprised as to how much this book matters and how much I learned by reading it. Yes, some of the advice may be obvious, but it brings the correct way in which to interact with others to the forefront of the mind and that's why it's so valuable.
  
  
• The # 1 book on human relations
  By on 2004-03-28
  Without a doubt, How To Win Friends and Influence People is the #1 all time best book on human relations. Carnegies ideas worked 70 years ago and they work today. Why? People are the same. We all have the same needs, wants, desires and dreams that we had 70 years ago. The core hasn't changed. So that makes this book even more valuable today, now than ever.

  Also, take a look at what is going on in the world. If even there was a time when people needed people skills it is now. Take a look at the Democrat Party. If ever there was a group that needed people skills, it is there.

  If I had to pick out just one point that is the most important in this book it is being genuinely interested in the other person. In fact, I think a lot of reviewers here on this board can take a clue from that one.

  How To Win Friends and Influence People is a fantastic book---more valuable now than ever.

  Buy it - read it - use it.
  
  

• Being nice does not always work
  By AWM5UE71A5MUR on 2006-08-10
  TWO SIDES TO THE COIN:
  The book says to see things from other people's point of view, and to find out more about them. I tried this, and I did feel closer to people who talked to me about their personal history, but then logically this must go both ways. If you have said nothing about your own interests to the other person, then how can they feel also close to you? If you have said nothing about yourself then, then you are still just a stranger to them.
  
  IT PORTRAYS AN IDEAL WORLD:
  In real life, I have never met one person who displays all the characteristics mentioned in the book. In the real world, nobody is capable of dealing with humans perfectly all the time.
  
  The world is full of brash, assertive people who state their opinions, who do not try to be everybody's friend and do not always sugar-coat the truth. (Hint, they're probably your managers ;-) ). Contrary to what this book says, such people usually have plenty of friends and are very influential and respected.
  
  The truth about life, is that you can't avoid unintentionally offending people, as people are affected by so many different things. Some people will never like you, no matter how hard you try. If you doubt this, try sucking up to everyone you meet for the next week, and watch what happens.
  
  LYING TO OTHERS:
  There's a bit in the book about a conversation at a party where a quotation from a book was questioned on its authenticity. Rather than simply tell the truth and actually let the facts be known, it is stated that it is better to keep quiet (passive lying) so as not to let the other person be seen to be wrong!! But what will happen when the other person finds out that they were wrong, and that you had the knowledge to give them the correct answer?
  
  Not speaking up about what you know to be the truth is abhorrent, especially on critically important matters. If it offends the other person then that's just the way it has to be. Imagine a doctor not telling a patient he has cancer, because the patient might not like it. Look at what happened with Enron, only when the truth was told were matters finally bought to justice. Hiding other people's critical mistakes is not good, or clever in the long run.
  
  ADVOCATES BEING A DOORMAT:
  Carnegie says, be nice to everyone. In reality there are many times when you need to stand up for your rights because being nice will not solve all matters. For example, if you are being bullied at school or at the workplace you have to assert your rights in every way you can. There are many recent cases of people winning compensation for suffering acts of discrimination at the workplace. These are people who went against Carnegies advice, who would not accept abusive treatment, and stood up for themselves, to a positive result.
  
  Many people will blatantly abuse niceness. The truth is, that in the real world of today, too much kindness is taken as a sign of weakness and those who try to win friends and influence people in the way Carnegie recommends, all too often end up used and abused.
  
  Carnegies advice has the potential to turn people into passive "doormats" who think everyone else is always right, and that they themselves are always wrong. The reality is, that to be effective in human interactions, people need to give their own opinions, and state their own truth, even if it offends others. Effective communicators accept that they will never be friends with everyone. People who behave assertively, who speak up for what they believe in, and do not quietly sit back and let other people walk all over them, blatantly rise to the top in most social situations and ironically have many friends and influence many people. Doormats are notoriously ineffective in winning friends and influencing people.
  
  A valuable social skill is asserting yourself. People want to know what you think. They don't want their own words regurgitated and spat back at them by a shallow, sycophantic liar.
  
  Think of all the people you know who are assertive and who speak up for their beliefs and their rights. Such people usually have more than enough friends. Ironically, it is the nice person who wants to be everyone's friend, who never seems to have many. The truth is, that people will not automatically hate you just because you state your own opinions, or because you say something contrary to what they are saying.
  
  CONCLUSION:
  There are good things about the book, specifically that people like it when others take time to listen and respect their opinions, but this obviously has to work both ways. This book was probably more useful in the good old days, when it was first published.
  
  If you spend your whole life being nice to people and suppressing your own opinions, even when you know full well at times, that it is unjustified, you will regret it. Life does not work that way. There are many, many circumstances in dealing with people, where niceness is not an option. Speak up for yourself and for what you believe in, even if it has the potential to offend others. Abraham Lincoln did, Martin Luther King did, Jesus Christ did, Michael Moore did, etc. I've personally decided that I'm going to live my life by saying what I believe in, and be myself, and take whatever comes to me. Everyone won't like me, but everyone won't hate me either. The real way to win friends and influence people is to respect others where possible, but more importantly to stand up for what you believe is right, and speak up for it.
  
  
  
• The best book I have honestly ever read.
  By A1RS5219Q736MI on 1999-10-12
  Carnegie's book is a classic. It teaches one lessons in life that are not taught at any school or university. He focuses purely on the psychology of people and how we interact and respond to one another. He has studied people such as Lincoln, Roosevelt and Charles Schwab in great depth and draws from them the very essence of what made them legendary leaders of our time. You will learn how to make people respond to you in an extremely positive and enthusiastic way. You will learn how to give praise, curb critizism and avoid arguments with your fellow man. You will learn how to influence people to your way of thinking without them realizing it. He uses numerous examples of social interactions that have occured in his and other's lives and instructs you on how you could apply them to your life. The lessons are timeless and have been in practice well before Christ. If you are seeking knowledge about how to best manage people, improve business relationships or simply to improve yourself as a person - then you can do far worse than to read this book.
  
  
• How To Motivate People: A Must Read!
  By A23PNZZ8L37DYN on 2003-08-27
  In discussions with clients, I am becoming increasingly aware that many scientific and technical folks are being placed in leadership positions for the first time with little or no training and the most popular topic of discussion is "How do I motivate people?"

  How to Win Friends and Influence People is a great place to start. Although its title provokes images of snake oil salesmen, or Chris Farley's Saturday Night Live bit as Matt Foley, motivational speaker, the book is filled with timeless instruction written in plain language. For example, in his chapter on listening skills, Carnegie explains why listening is so important:

  "Remember that the people you are talking to are 100 times more interested in themselves and their wants and problems than they are in you and your problems. Remember that a person's toothache means more to that person than a famine in China which kills a million people."

  Although the book was originally penned in 1936, it has been updated over the years and its popularity has not diminished. It contains thirty principles of human behavior that are illustrated with copious examples. Quotations and anecdotes are included from scores of historical figures including Abraham Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt, Sigmund Freud, Charles Schwab, and Confucius. I found the top ten principles to include the following:
  * Don't criticize, condemn, or complain.
  * Give honest and sincere appreciation.
  * Become genuinely interested in other people.
  * If you are wrong, admit it quickly andemphatically.
  * Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
  * Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view
  * Dramatize your ideas.
  * Let the other person save face.
  * Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
  * Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.

  If you can get past the title, I highly recommend How to Win Friends and Influence People as guidebook for motivating people.
  
  

• Still the best human relations book
  By on 2004-05-23
  It's simply A-maz-ing that this great book is still the best human realtions book on the planet and remains a best seller after 80 years!

  I've been through 6 copies so far. Great book. Highly recommended.
  
  

• As I lose my top 500 reviewer rating...
  By A3FHSLWEMH7JD8 on 2000-11-17
  Having noticed that this work is once again popular, I could not resist commenting.

  Dale Carnegie's work has nothing whatever to do with cultivating genuine friendship. It is based mainly on giving the appearance of being interested in others, solely in order to use them to attain some personal goal. There is some valuable advice (for example, how one gains nothing from contradicting others), but the general tone is completely self-centered.

  I suppose my many years in purchasing management flavour my assessment here, because the techniques Dale Carnegie recommends still are widely used in sales (though long-term customers are seldom deceived, it is an understood game). This book may be useful to those who have only business gain in mind. However, its total emphasis on furthering one's own interests, and basically insincere approach, rules out any value for those who have true friendship in mind.
  
  

• Read but with caution
  By A2O71BU2LQ9NML on 2002-08-17
  When I was 12 years old my best friend gave me a copy of this book and told me that I might find it interesting. He could not have been more right, for I delved deep into the book and I finished it in a matter of 2 weeks (to me it was a record to finish a book so quickly at that age!) I found the book to be very informative and entertaining at the same time. The author, Mr. Dale Carnegie, will not introduce a principle or a notion without supporting it with at least one real life story where the principle introduced was proven effective. After that point I noticed a great, almost immediate, effect on my behavior as I was growing up. I noticed that I have become a very good negotiator with my parents and teachers, more popular at school, and I even began to understand people much better than I used to prior to reading the book. I grew up believing that this book was one of the greatest factors involved in shaping my character.

  Recently though, I noticed some growing criticism of the book and its teaching, and I thought that this would be a good time for me to refresh what I learned from the book and assess its quality based on the experience I've gained since the first time I read the book. So I bought the unabridged audiotapes of the book and listened to it whenever I was in the car.

  Mr. Carnegie said somewhere in the book that if one thing you learn from the book, which is the ability to understand the different views of other people in different situations, then that would be enough. And I agree wholeheartedly.

  My judgment is that this book will indeed teach you how to understand the motives and the different forces playing in the different people you meet. Humans all across the globe share basic needs and characteristics that play a major role in forming their attitudes and decisions. Understanding those factors and satisfying them will be the most effective method of influence you'll ever need.

  Mr. Carnegie begins the book with the foundations of developing this skill of understanding others. He extends three principles that if applied will help you identify what other people want and how you can satisfy them. After that he introduces six ways to make people like you. These methods hover around the same three principles mentioned in the beginning of the book. After that the author discusses in two parts methods and principles that help you influence people to your way of thinking.

  All of this seems interesting but why are people criticizing this book, you wonder. The first issue with this book is the title. It says "How to win friends and influence people." I would have called it "How to make people like you and influence their behavior." The methods Dale introduces aren't for winning friends. You don't win friends by avoiding arguments and by projecting enthusiasm that is not honest. You'll only have them like you, but they are not won as friends, yet at least. Honesty is absent in Carnegie's teachings, and sometimes even unadvised! In one story he tells of a manager of a singer who would lie to the singer just to get him on stage!

  Another observation I had on the book was the relevance of some of the stories to the principle being introduced. Some of those principles would not have worked in the stories he mentioned have the circumstances been even little different! Yet Dale would acclaim the introduced principle as the reason that the story reached the happy ending it did. But, to the benefit of the author, this happened only a few times overall and it doesn't degrade the whole quality of the book.

  Nevertheless, the lack of emphasis on honesty is a serious issue. This has caused many reviewers to warn readers from reading this book. But here is where I disagree.

  You'll need to read this book to learn the methods, not just to be able to understand other people, but also to be ready when others are applying them to influence you. I'll have to agree that some of these methods are extremely powerful especially if the receiver isn't ready for them. Reading this book will make you resilient to the weapons of many unwanted salesmen and negotiators.

  My advice is to read but with caution. Learn the methods but always remember that honesty should always be present when these methods are being applied.
  
  

• Powerful! Life Changing!
  By A2R047LTC22S81 on 2004-05-31
  To sum this book up very briefly it is both powerful and life changing. Anyone can benefit from reading and applying the time tested principles in this classic by Carnegie.
  
  
• Dear Mr Carnegie...
  By AM537571JKD7Y on 2004-01-18
  Dear Mr Carnegie,

  I appreciate the considerable time and research you have taken to complete this book (thank-you for making 15 mllion people superficial yes men). Its worldwide success is surely testament to your wisdom, perception and penmanship (according to your book i should be lavish in my praise prior to condemnation).
  I may be wrong, in fact i frequently am (however less so than you) but i (you) have some minor (major) reservations (character flaws) about your book (which you have so kindly propagated):

  1: KNOW THE LAW OF SINCERITY-- A PERSONS LEVEL OF SINCERITY IS INVERSELY PROPORTIONAL TO THE NUMBER OF TIMES THEY ARE TOLD TO BE SINCERE.

  2: IF SOMEONE IS TOLD TO SMILE MORE OFTEN, HOW CAN THEY EVER SMILE AGAIN WITH SINCERITY?

  3: WHY DO YOU CONTINUALLY OFFER BAND AID SOLUTIONS TO SOCIAL PROBLEMS THAT MAY GO BEYOND ONES PUBLIC IMAGE INTO THE INNER DEPTHS OF CHARACTER AND PRINCIPLES?

  4: WHAT MOTIVATED YOU TO MAKE THE WORLD A MORE FALLACIOUS PLACE?

  5: WHY NOT COME UP WITH SOME ORIGINAL MATERIAL?
  "TREAT OTHERS AS YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE TREATED", "DON'T JUDGE A PERSON UNTIL YOU HAVE WALKED A MILE IN THEIR MOCCASSINS" HAVE BEEN DONE FAR MORE ELOQUENTLY THAN YOU BY PEOPLE FAR MORE INTELLIGENT THAN YOU.

  I rather enjoyed your book (YOUR BOOK STINKED LIKE THE FART OF A THOUSAND HEIFERS)
  
  yours sincerly (and i do mean sincerely)
  phlegm213
  
  

• The Fountain of Corporate Speak
  By A1RZFX5PRKEXVE on 2002-08-15
  I usually dont read or comment on low-brow books such as this, however this book has had such a vile impact on our world that it would be irresponsible for me to do otherwise.

  One need only to have listened to the oblique babbling of most corporate managers to realize that this is their Bible.

  Admittedly it will help your career. You will learn how to speak out of both sides of your mouth, appear agreeable at all times,
  and engage in all manner of corporate BS. Everyone will like you, except for those ne'er-do goods-who abhor pretension and deceit. And, most importantly, you will get that raise! After all, get real, being honest, principled and lucid won't pay the rent and may even get you a pink slip.

  If you want to "get ahead" buy this book!

  If you are like me and amuse yourself by reading the kind of obfuscate and dissimulating language found in those emails from managers that arrive in your workplace computer, get this book for a good laugh! Dale Carnegie is the St. Paul of American Yuppies.

  Thomas
  
  

• HELP!!!
  By A3F7RHVPZ3I75 on 2000-09-05
  I have Carnegie's CD's for this book! I have the CD's for "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living". I've read this book three times. I just can't do it anymore. It's dishonest. Carnegie would tell me that praise IS honest if you just focus your compliment on something true. Like telling a woman that she has beautiful eyes when she is also nasty and mean. Or telling your friend that he has a great sense of humor when he is demonical and selfish. The Tibetan Buddhists state that "Praise Kills". This means that you will create massive "attachments" to people. This may be good in sales or politics. But it is very subtlely manipulative. I know that the person who is reading this is highly intelligent. Otherwise, why would they be reading a review on Amazon.com? And most of the people who read these reviews seem to have great insight into human nature. And I feel bad about criticizing this book. And thank you so much for what the people who read these reviews have done. You guys are just incredible! I even get wonderful e-mails!

  HA! Madam or Sir, that is Dale Carnegie. And it is lying. If not lying, than deceitful.

  1. I don't know you. 2. I don't know if you are wonderful or highly intelligent. 3. I don't know if you have incredible "insight". 4. I do get wonderful e-mails. AND some not so wonderful e-mails.

  Let's just stop the criticism and flow with the kindness. You don't want to end up a "used car dealer". Or do you?
  
  

• The best book on human relations
  By on 2004-06-15
  I'm stunned by the 1 star reviews claiming that this book is old and outdated. It may have been around for awhile, but the principles are timeless. ASIDE FROM READING THIS BOOK, I also benefitted from attending a DALE Carnegie course in our area. At the course, I met CEO's, CFO's, COO's, managers, supervisors, business people, sales people, even ministers, priests and nuns all working on improving their human relations skills.

  I saw people drive away in Jaquars, Mercedes, BMW's, Cadillacs, Lincolns and Lexus's.

  I also met people who were people-people, understood the value of people skills and wanted to imporve on those skills.

  How to Win Friends and Influence People is a classic. It may have been written back in the 30's but remember, we are talking people and people haven't changed. This is your first start to great human relations. A must read for anyone who deals with people (that should be just about everybody but a caveman)

  Thank you Mr. Carnegie. Great book.
  
  

• a must read
  By AIEINY9SA3JVF on 2004-04-02
  This book should be read by everyone. It is full of important information that everyone can benefit from. Carnegie's concepts are so simple, yet can be overlooked by everyone who doesn't stop and pay attention. The main theme of the book is to treat others as you would like to be treated. He teaches and guides you to become a better person. These concepts are great to master for any type of occupation, and for life in general. This is especially useful for careers that involve sales, and for any job that requires customer service. This book teaches you how to get people to instantly like you and feel comfortable around you. This will in turn help you get your sale. He stresses the importance of something so simple as a smile. He cannot express enough what it can do. Carnegie provides so many true life stories as examples of people using his methods, and what success they got from it. It is also amazing that he wrote this over 70 years ago, and his theories are still very true today. The book has been revised however to make it easier to read, and improve out of date information. This book helps you to learn how to offer constructive criticism, without offending the other person. It also teaches you how to adopt your ways of thinking without coming on too strong and turning them away. This book is highly useful for people who have to work in groups. Many arguments can occur when a group of people have to come to an unanimous agreement. Carnegie's tips will help you to get through group work successfully, with everyone feeling good about their contributions and decisions. I think another important part of this book is the lesson on not being selfish. You must learn to offer compliments without expecting something in return. This book makes you feel as though you can better yourself, and you will want to start trying his ideas as soon as you put it down!
  
  
• Each chapter ends with a principle
  By on 1999-10-26
  One of my all-time favorite books. I've read it about 10 times. It's fun to read because it is full of stories and illustrations, sometimes of famous people. And each chapter ends with a principle. The principle is short enough to remember and is always action-oriented. And the application of the principles DO make a difference in my dealings with others.

  Sometimes this book is criticized as simplistic or manipulative. It is simple, and it could be used to manipulate people, but it is a highly practical book, and the principles can also be used to help you treat people the way you would like to be treated. When you do that, people go out of their way to be nice to you. That's basic, good human relations. This book has been around so long because nothing else has ever come along that does the job so well.

  Another really good book is Adam Khan's "Self-Help Stuff That Works." (Youme Works; ISBN: 0962465674). That book has great references and he uses the same chapter ending principle style as Carnegie! You won't find it at the bookstore, but you will find it here.
  
  

• Create Irresistible Positive Feedback for Virtuous Success
  By A1K1JW1C5CUSUZ on 2000-06-07
  As a management consultant, I am always asking our clients and potential clients what their major issues are. It almost always boils down to persuading someone else to change. In many situations, the person describes the situation as getting worse rather than better.

  As I ask more questions, I soon learn that the person I am talking to is totally thinking about the issue from her or his perspective, not the perspective of the person they want to influence. Carnegie describes a situation where he and his son couldn't get a calf into the barn. They pushed and pulled, and nothing worked. A maid came out, stuck her finger into the calf's mouth to simulate feeding and the calf followed her right into the barn.

  As you can tell from that example, Carnegie is a student of the stimulus-response school of human behavior. The book is divided into four sections: Handling People; Getting People to Like You; Getting People to Agree with You; and Being a Leader. Each section is comprised of a few principles, which are each exemplified in a short chapter with a number of examples. Handling people has to do with avoiding the negative and unpleasant, appreciating the other person, and making the other person eager to accomplish some goal of their own.

  Each section follows the same format. Basically, it's the same way that you train any living being. You provide positive feedback to the person which makes them feel better, the person responds positively to you making you feel better, you then help the other person to link what you want to share with them with something they want.

  Many people will be offended by this idea. I have long studied that reaction and find that it relates to one of two basic assumptions: (1) the decision to act should be based on the objective merits (if I deal with emotions, I am being manipulative) or (2) I want you to acknowledge that I am right, that you are wrong, and that I am superior to you because I am right. Both of those perspectives get in the way of establishing warm human relationships. If you would rather do things without emotion, your life will be very dull. If you would always like to be right, you will be very lonely (even if you really are right).

  Let's look at a more fundamental question. Can these techniques be used for questionable purpoes? Probably, is my answer. However, at some point, the person's manipulative game will be found out. See Robert Cialdini's book, Influence, on what happens to smugglers of influence over time.

  The best results will come from those who have integrity and are principled. They and everyone else can see that they are pursuing something with another person that is in the best interests of that person, and that there are no hidden agendas. Here is where I think Carnegie is a little weak. You get the impression from the book that hidden agendas are okay. My experience is that all agendas should be totally upfront. Don't pretend you are trying to help someone, when all you are trying to do is sell them something they don't need. Do encourage them to get the information they need to make a good decision for themselves about your idea, product, or service. Leave the whole circumstance with a stronger, more trustworthy relationship than you started with. That's how I interpret the Dale Carnegie principles.

  If you really would like to get better results in your human relationships, this book is essential reading. To skip this book would be like skipping reading and arithmetic in grade school. It contains essential tools that everyone needs to understand. Since these things are seldom taught in schools, this is a good place to start.

  Modern gurus of human relationships and effectiveness like Stephen Covey and Tony Robbins have a substantial debt to Dale Carnegie. If you read all of them, you will tend to reinforce your new habits. I like the Covey and Robbins approaches as a complement to Carnegie, because both authors focus on having principles at the center of what you do. That will help reduce the risk of turning Carnegie into techniques that lead to suboptimal results, instead of a mutually reinforcing virtuous cycle for everyone.

  Researchers consistently show that success in many fields (such as business, politics, and teaching) is very closely related to one's social skills. Many people will work very hard to be more successful, but skimp on the relationship aspects. That's a mistake. Work on the relationships first.

  Enjoy having easier interactions with others, having more friends, being more influential on important subjects, being more open to being influenced by others, and leading where it needs doing!
  
  

• Old School, No New School
  By A177CCEL2E3RA on 2003-05-21
  The book is extremely outdated, simple minded, and misleading.

  1. Our modern society is suspicious of transparent persuasion. The environment of sales and matters of business rewards experienced suspicion. SUGGESTION: Recognize that societies are more sophisticated.

  2. The author expects assumptions to be correct. This can be fatal. A person's motivations can be estimated and modeled. They are not black and white. They are complex. Most of all, maneuvering your intensions against all-too-often misjudged motivations will show a grave misunderstanding of human behavior, much less be successful. SUGGESTION: Recognize that individuals are more complex.

  3. I can respect that this may be outside the scope of this book, but there are no cultural considerations. We live in larger, more diverse world with vast levels of communication. Social, political, business, and racial cultural considerations (motivations) must govern over the form, content, and context of human relations. SUGGESTION: Recognize cultural considerations.

  4. The narrative style of this book is counter productive. Spoon feeding tailor made anecdotes and cute stories is insulting. A more mature and sophisticated format would be more effective. SUGGESTION: Recognize a more knowledgeable audience.

  Granted, the nine principles presented are decent in the general sense and application.

  P.S. If you are Old School, this is the way to go.
  
  

• The Most Valuable Book You Could Ever Read!
  By on 1998-11-28
  I found this book was on a store display and recognized the title. I wasn't even looking to buy a book. As I peaked inside at the contents I thought, "Mabey this could help me in my business." It appealed to me because I have been aware for many years that something in my life wasn't right. I had a hard time making friends and dealing with people in general. I didn't really know how to talk to people that I just met or saw only occasionally. I consider myself above average in intelligence and not bad looking. But for some reason, not long after I met people, they lost interest in greeting me the next time I saw them. When I began to read this book I began to find the answers. The more I read, the more excited I became. This is truly a masterpiece on how to make friends and influence others. It is filled with examples and inspirational experiences of others. This book will make you more friends and money than you could imagine and will help you with your spouse and children as well. If you don't get anything from this book you're either Divine or dead!
  
  
• Don't try Carnegie's tricks on me!
  By on 1999-02-19
  This book is about making people like you. However, most of the techniques tought are much too simple and ineffective.

  When I was reading the book, I was surprised to recognize many little tricks people were using in order to have their way with me. These tricks were so obvious that I always wanted to ask the people: "Just how stupid you think I am? Do you really think I'm not seeing what you're really up to?" Most of the techniques Mr. Carnegie suggested were very easy to recognize and there was no chance anybody could make me like him by using'em.

  At that time, I was everything but advanced in psychology. What I'm saying is that when you use Mr. Carnegie's tricks, there's a great chance that people you're dealing with will recognize them and react negatively. The book is easy to read and can certainly give you some good basics on human psychology, but if you want to be really successful in your communication, you'll need much more than Mr. Carnegie's ancient wisdom. (Besides - I can't let it be unmentioned - on a few occasions, the good old Dale Carnegie is simply wrong.)

  There is one more thing you should know. When Mr. Carnegie talks about "friends", he means "customers". You might make customers with his techniques, but you probably won't make any friends. In fact, you should be careful with using some of Mr. Carnegies tricks on your friends if you don't want to lose them.

  I'm not saying the book is bad. I'm not saying it's good either. It's mediocre, no more, no less - that's what the 3 stars're for.
  
  

• Great Book with Timeless Ideas!
  By on 2000-09-18
  This is a Great Book with Timeless Ideas! I expected this to be a book with techniques that were superficial. Instead, I find this to be a book filled with Wisdom and Truth. The ideas are simple but they are deep. Alot of self-help book are filled with techniques that are manipulative, but this book by Dale Carnegie is not manipulative because what he is saying is really to care and to listen to other people. His first principle of how to make people like you is: "Become genuinely interested in other people." Notice he does not say "Act as though you are interested", but to GENUINELY become interested. This is simple but very wise.

  The book is filled with many more ideas that are both simple and almost common sense, yet are very profound, especially in the fast paced society of today, where few people take the time to become interested in other people or even to slow down enough to listen to other people. (Principle 4: Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.) The author illustrates all his principles with a wealth of stories and practical example. This is a classic!

  Another book that you will probably like if you like "How to Win Friends" is a book by Ariel and Shya Kane called "WORKING ON YOURSELF DOESN'T WORK." This book also talks about what true listening is, and how to be more present in your communications, in your interactions with other people, as well as how to be more centered with yourself. The chapter about "Being Right" versus "Being Alive" is priceless!
  
  

• There are too many fake things out there already
  By A2EZ0OKB291N7 on 2001-07-19
  That this book sold over 15 million copies must give us pause. That kind of sales record might indicate that it is filling a basic need. What need is that? The need to feel good about yourself and to think that you are doing the right thing. And so we get a simple and simplistic set of lists and formulae that tells us how to behave so that we can win friends and influence people. Would that life were that simple! The author claims these rules are scientifically based because he has done some real research by reading the opinions of famous people on this subject and by hiring a researcher to read things when he didn't have the time. The general rules are therefore supposedly derived from authoritative sources. But for the most part they are illustrated by sets of anecdotes that have come from the author's students who enrolled in his courses because they felt they needed to improve. Therefore the premise is shaky and the data base faulty. Those of us who know logic would say that there has been a partial selection of evidence such that what is presented here doesn't reflect the true universe of possibilities. Therefore no scientific conclusions can be drawn about whether the ideas proffered work or not. Other logical errors present therein include begging the question, false analogy, and over generalization. The major problem, however, is that that book asks people to be fake. We have plenty of fake things around these days, too many in fact. We don't need fake people. Diogenes found when requested by Alexander the Great no difference between the bones of his father and those of his father's slaves. Surely the philosopher must have known that that was the wrong answer. But he gave it anyway and lost his post. I say it is better to lose one's position and keep one's integrity. For, at last, are leveled, king and slave, without distinction, in the silent grave.
  
  
• Golden rule told a million times over
  By A1S5B32WYMEE44 on 2003-09-30
  Dale Carnegie's tome to people skills is every bit as relevant today as it was in 1936 (a time when the job market was tough or tougher than today's tight one) when he first wrote this gem. I had always been off put by the title, "How to Win Friends and Influence People." To me it always slightly scented of manipulation, the effortful practiced skill of acting in such a way to "win" over friends as if they didn't come naturally and the people-pawned language of the word, "influence." A more apropos title might be, "The Art of Living."

  Many of the ideas are echoed years later in Steven Covey's, "7 Habits of Highly Successful People," for good reason...they are timeless. The concept of valuing humanity never turns with the times. Carnegie engagingly reminds us of the power of a name and the importance to work on knowing and using another's name. He speaks of listening, showing genuine interest in what another has to say, argument avoidance, showing sincere appreciation, and does so in easy to remember and practiceable dictums.

  It's a book to be read, a book to be practiced, a book to be given. It's a book that keeps on giving, a book that makes you more human and in such a way you'll find yourself as an afterthought gaining friends and keeping company with people wonderful people.
  
  

• How to Win Friends & Influence People
• The Quick and Easy Way to Effective Speaking
• How to Win Friends & Influence People

• The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
• How to Stop Worrying and Start Living
• The Quick and Easy Way to Effective Speaking
• The Magic of Thinking Big
• How to Develop Self-Confidence And Influence People By Public Speaking