Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems: New, Revised, and Expanded Edition Reviews

• Torn between Sears and Ferber

  
  By AA94PKPBJQ9HM on 2000-03-15
  Even if you disagree with this book's program, it's worth a read. There is a great deal of valuable information on how babies sleep, and the theory of sleep associations and how they relate to a baby's sleep patterns is convincing -- especially if you're a mother for whom this program worked.

  On the other hand, this book desperately needs updating, especially as relates to breastfeeding. It's really meant for formula-fed infants who sleep in cribs in their own rooms. And the book rarely differentiates between 3-mo olds, 9-mo olds and 3-yr olds! Moreover, there is no information on how to maintain the good habits once you've "done" the program, which would have been useful.

  There is at base an unbridgeable chasm between Ferber and William Sears, the renowned advocate of "attachment parenting." Sears claims that by not responding to a crying baby at night, you teach your baby that mommy is unresponsive. That the baby who doesn't cry at night has "given up." And that attachment can suffer as a result. (He even states that "Ferberized" children do continue to cry out frequently at night, but that their desensitized parents do not hear them.) Ferber claims that you can teach your baby that you are still "there," but that your brief visits are not worth all the crying. Ultimately the baby learns to go back to sleep readily on his or her own.

  Until the book is updated, I recommend that parents familiarize themselves with both Ferber AND Sears, and then feel their way along. Many of my friends, like myself, practiced attachment parenting "by the book" for 6 months. Then, as the baby's increasing activity and alertness made this impossible, found varying degrees of success with "Ferberization." Flexibility and sensitivity to the baby are key.
  
  

• True "attachment" parenting

  
  By A1WF33SPWYX8P7 on 2006-12-11
  My wife and I tried for a while the ideas presented in the "no-cry sleep solution" without success. After months of lots of cry and no-sleep problems (both for our son and for ourselves), I decided to read Ferber's book. Because we were concerned about the "cry-it-out" method, I also did some research on what is known in the scientific literature. Here is a summary of my findings:
  
  1- there are several published studies showing that cry-it-out (extinction) and graduated extinction methods are effective in solving sleep problems. Almost no controlled and detailed scientific studies support the "no-cry sleep solution" methods.
  
  2- there is no hard evidence that letting your child cry-it-out causes long-term problems (unless you're ignoring real medical problems).
  
  3- there is evidence that a child's sleep deprivation leads to impaired cognitive development.
  
  4- cold-turkey cry-it-out (extinction) requires more maintenance than graduated extinction, the method proposed by Ferber.
  
  5- Parents using graduated extinction to solve their child's sleep problems bond with their child more than parents whose child does not sleep through the night (true attachment parenting).
  
  The above considerations led my wife and I to try Ferber, since it is in our son's best interest that he sleeps well. I should emphasize that Ferber does not support the "cold turkey" cry-it-out method, where you just let the child to cry to sleep. Instead, he supports the periodic check and reassurance of the child, to let him/her know that you're there for them (graduated extinction).
  
  Ferber's book was very easy to read, even for a tired parent. I followed his recommendation, and read the whole book before attempting any treatment. This was very important to us, as we found out that our 9-month old son was eating too much at night, causing his sleep problems. After keeping a log of our sons sleep, we followed Ferber's treatment for night eating, and then we changed his sleep associations. Now, for the first time, our baby slept almost 10 hours in a row.
  
  Here is how I would summarized the pros and cons of Ferber's book:
  
  Pros: easy to read; works; not judgmental on parents expectations and capabilities; supported by scientific research; not a cold-turkey cry-it-out method.
  
  Cons: Not for everybody (some parents are unable to let their child cry, even for a minute, without consoling them);
  
  Bottom line: Solving your child's sleep problem is in your child's best interest. You need to make sure that your child does not have any medical problems (our son had reflux, and we had to solve it before we approached his sleeping problems). You also need to make sure you have the right diagnosis of the sleep problem before attempting a treatment, and this requires reading most of the book.
  
  Update: Since we starting using Ferber's two months ago, our son sleeps for about 10 hours in a row, and he is clearly a happier child. When we put him to sleep, most of the time he doesn't cry at all, and when he does, he usually cries for less than a minute.
  
  
  

• Love is Patient and Kind

  
  By A12290FFW21IYA on 2004-09-01
  This book was recommended to me by a pediatrician who was appalled to learn that our then nine month old baby had been co-sleeping with us since birth (albeit with no trouble). Being a first-time mom, our conversation sowed some seeds of doubt in my mind so I purchased the book with the intention of keeping an open mind to its philosophy even though I knew in my heart that I could never let my daughter cry it out alone in a darkened room. Yet, after reading it through and being made to feel guilty for impeding my child's sleep development, I decided to give it a shot. Needless to say it was horrible! My poor baby cried so hard within the first five minutes that she was shaking, unable to catch her breath, and about to vomit. I picked her up, held her tightly, and knew beyond any doubt that this was just WRONG- period! This method is based solely on Behaviorism and does not take into account the emotional and security needs of the child. Babies are human beings, not Pavlov's dogs! The only good thing that I derived from this book (other than some interesting info on stages of sleep and circadian rhythms), was a reminder to establish a consistent and pleasant nighttime routine to help the baby transition into bedtime mode. However, I would have learned this and more had I first read "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley, which is what I highly recommend to sleepy parents in lieu of this outdated and, sorry, often cruel book. Please do not risk losing your baby's trust or breaking his/her spirit with Ferber's method. Its just not worth it when there are kinder, gentler, and more responsible ways to encourage good sleeping habits. We are transitioning our daughter to her crib gently by using Pantley's suggestions (which can be tailored to meet each family's needs individually rather than forcing them into a one size fits all nightmare) and I'm overjoyed to report that it has been a success and that our little girl is both happy and secure in her new sleeping environment. Prior to this, however, after having tried the Ferber method for only eight minutes, she would cry and cling to me in terror at the mere sight of her crib. Imagine if we had left her to cry the upwards of forty minutes that the book recommends...sorry, not my kid! If you are considering using Ferber's methods, please only do so on older children who can perhaps handle it better since, after all, the book is recommended for babies over one year old. Why anyone would force this on an infant is beyond me.
  
  

• I wanted to be a Sears mom, but Ferber is what worked for us

  
  By A2YRNTL2P3969R on 2000-01-27
  I want to reassure parents who feel Ferber is cruel. Ferberizing was our last choice. We tried nursing/rocking to sleep and co-sleeping first. I knew Ferber would work because so many parents had said so; but at what cost?, was my strong feeling. We finally turned to Ferber after the other two methods failed us. With nursing to sleep, our 7-month-old baby would wake up and wail as soon as we place him in the crib; we would repeat this cycle for hours each night, which exhausted everyone and deprived him of time he should have spent sleeping. With co-sleeping, he didn't cry but slept on my schedule (ie, way shorter hours) and showed fatigue and stress because of that. That was actually the worst in terms of the baby being tired during the day. And I slept badly because I was so aware of him next to me (important, but my sleep is not the first priority, his is). With Ferber's method, he cried 35 minutes the first night, 5 minutes the second, 15 the third, and less than one minute last night. Each day I scrutinize him for any signs of trauma, alienation, any problem, and he is as happy and engaged as ever, and clearly not tired the way he used to be. It is unbelievably hard to not respond to your baby's cries, that's for sure. But you have to make up your own mind on how to handle this universal problem. Sears parents sometimes go a little nuts: I know babies who still nurse all night at age 2 years, who have never tasted solid food, their moms are zombies and dad sleeps on the couch. But I know they are doing what they feel is best for their families. The bottom line is every parent is trying to do what's best, we each make different choices, and we should respect each others choices. But one more benefit of Ferber--it is so fantastic to have some quality time alone with my husband again each night. You need to keep investing in your spouse too; not just in baby. Good luck to all!
  
  

• Rest for the weary!

  
  By on 2000-02-08
  I am the mother of a 5 month old and was searching for information to help him to sleep through the night. This book was recommended by a number of moms so I bought it, even though the work involved letting my baby cry, which I really wasn't sure I could handle. After reading the applicable chapters, my husband and I implemented Dr. Ferber's ideas and my son went from sleeping 5 hours before waking in the night to 8 hours - in 2 days! We have had consistent progress in improving his sleeping and napping habits and he is resting better each night. Last night he slept 11 hours straight and woke happy and well rested.

  The main thing this book taught me was the importance of being consistent - sending a consistent message to your child and doing so with love and caring. It also helped me to analyze my son's sleeping habits and look at what was behind his waking up to determine what should be done about it.

  I would highly recommend this book to parents who are looking to establish good sleeping habits or correct problems that have arisen.
  
  

• Trust your instincts
  By on 2000-03-13
  I bought Ferber's book when my daughter was 7 months old, for the same reason you are reading this review: I was sleep-deprived, and I desperately wanted my daughter to sleep through the night. However, after trying modified crying-it-out techniques (I did not leave the room, I did not let her cry for more than 20 minutes or so), I came to understand that my daughter was not temperamentally suited to respond to these techniques. Putting questions of what is "right" or "wrong" aside, I could simply tell that my daughter would have cried for hours had I strictly followed Ferber' suggestions - and that, for us, was not a solution. Slowly, over time, we developed bedtime and naptime solutions that were effective and that did not involve long periods of crying. My daughter is now one year old, and still doesn't sleep through the night. She does not suffer from fatigue, irritability, or other problems during the day - quite the contrary, she is cheerful, active, and sociable -- so she is evidently getting enough rest.

  I think my main criticism of this book is the concept that one method will work for all babies, and that there is something "wrong" with your baby (or you) if she is not sleeping through the night. If you read these reviews, you will observe that nearly all of those who endorse Ferber are those for whom it worked in 2-4 nights and with very reasonable amounts of crying. I cannot believe that HOURS of crying could possibly be healthy - physically, emotionally or mentally - for a child, especially a small infant. Please, please trust yourself. It breaks my heart to read about those parents who went through hours of their infant crying because they were told that to do otherwise is harmful for their baby. TRUST YOUR OWN INSTINCTS, NO ONE KNOWS YOUR BABY BETTER THAN YOU DO. Good luck!
  
  

• Excellent, pull-no-punches text on sleep problems
  By A26TSW6AI59ZCV on 2004-10-06
  This is an excellent book on dealing with a variety of childhood, and some adolescent and adult, sleep problems. It is written in a well-organized style, and with the somewhat detached voice of confident, but not arrogant, authority. Four points stood out for me:
  
  
  Dr. Ferber describes the behavioral aspects of such common sleep problems as delayed onset, nocturnal awakenings with delayed resumption, crying at bedtime, and sleep resistance. He connects these problems with, among other things, learned associations. When children learn to associate certain things (e.g., back-rubs, being rocked) with falling asleep, they do not learn to fall asleep without those associated factors. For them, trying to fall asleep without the wanted factor, is like trying to fall asleep in a strange bed in a strange bed, night after night. Dr. Ferber provides a very clear-cut approach to changing these associations.
  
  
  Disrupted sleep schedules is a common problem for children and adolescents, with the most common form being a sleep schedule that is shifted to not fit the demands of daily life, like early awakening for school. The reasons for shifting sleep schedules are explained, along with well-explained techniques for addressing each variety.
  
  
  Nocturnal enuresis, or bedwetting, is another common childhood problem that is thoroughly addressed in the book. The different causes are explained, along with a thorough, behavioral approach to removing the stigma and reducing or eliminating the problem.
  
  
  Lastly, I learned more about recognizing and explaining narcolepsy and night terrors than I had learned from any other source.
  
  
  This is a great book for any child therapist, as well as for parents who have one or more children with sleep problems. Highly recommended by this reviewer, who is a child psychologist.
  
  
• This book is not for me
  By A3FJAROWVRJXGW on 2003-10-15
  I believe this book gives horrible advice. When a child is forced to CRY IT OUT, to learn to sleep, or stay quiet, what happens is THEIR NEEDS DO NOT STOP, THEY JUST STOP COMMUNICATING THEIR NEEDS, breaking down communication is NEVER a good thing, it causes the bond/trust to be broken with parent and child. i don't understand how the author can think that this is good for children. I just can't, or wont let my child Cry-it-out. There is too much data, and research to prove that this is harmful to a baby/child. Plus I follow the Golden Rule, do unto others as you would have them do unto you. If my husband left me alone to Cry-it-out when I was upset --we would be divorced. I don't want to be alone if I were to cry....why would a little baby !!!???
  When a baby cries, their cortisol levels skyrocket, and cortisol prevents brain growth, NOT good for the brain which is growing so fast in the early years, and really crying it out is just not good for anyone.
  I would try Elizabeth Pantley's "The No-Cry Sleep Solution"...instead.
  What Dr. F doesn't realize is that when baby stops crying, they are only learning that their cries are not heard.THEIR NEEDS DO NOT STOP, THEY JUST STOP COMMUNICATING THEIR NEEDS, causing detachment of parent and child. This is telling baby that they are not valuable enough to be cared for, or heard. Notice how the mothers that COULD do this cry it out method, said how hard it was?? That is because it feels wrong to every mother. It feels wrong, because it is wrong. I don't feel guilty for hugging my baby because it is right, so if one feels guilty for letting their baby cry it out, perhaps the guilt comes from doing something wrong. AGAIN I WOULD INSTEAD BUY Elizabeth Pantley's "The No-Cry Sleep Solution", with real answers.
  PLEASE !!! FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR CHILD DO NOT BUY THIS BOOK !!!
  
  
• It works!
  By A136VOMOHNXIM8 on 1999-11-20
  We used the Ferber method with all three of our children and it worked like a charm. I recently recommended the book to my sister and her husband who had been co-sleeping with their 10 month old and were exhausted. She had been attracted by the exalted claims of Dr. Sears and other attachment parenting proponents, but the reality was that neither she nor her husband was sleeping well with their baby in their bed and the lack of sleep was taking a toll on all three of them. She tried Ferber (with some trepidation) and, in a few days, her baby was sleeping through the night in her crib--and my sister and brother-in-law reported that they felt like they had a new life together. One of the earlier reviews reported that Dr. Ferber has recanted. That's an inaccurate statement. In the New Yorker article that was referred to, Dr. Ferber stated that he didn't have a problem with co-sleeping, if that's what the parents truly feel comfortable with. He certainly does not recant his advocacy of the Ferber method for those who do not want to co-sleep with their baby. Any implication that Dr. Ferber now believes that his method is harmful (as some of the sillier attachment parenting disciples claim) or that co-sleeping is more desirable is simply untrue.
  
  
• Ferber vs. Sears
  By A2SJLTUJH1RFU7 on 2005-10-11
  I have read all the reviews published up to date and need to clarify several things from the previous comments of other readers. I love Dr. Sears and practiced attachement parenting for the first 6 months. Our son slept with us in our bed for 6 months. At the end of the 6 months we had to go to bed with him at 7pm since this he could not sleep in his crib. We had practiced attachment parenting (Sears) and this is what he had learned to expect. He could only sleep in bed with us next to him. Add to this that my baby could only sleep with us and ate 80% of his milk during night time. So not only were we in bed with him by 7pm, but also feeding him all night long. When the morning rolled in, my husband and I felt like zombies. We were exhausted and fighting with each other all the time due to the stress and exhaustion.
  
  I was then recommended Ferber. I was terrified as I had heard horrible things and I do not believe in Crying it out. Howeverm I had already tried the No cry sleep solution and this did not work for us. So I gave Ferber the benefit of the doubt and decided to read his book. I focused on chptrs 5 and 6.
  
  First, you do NOT need to let your baby cry it out. Ferber explains it very clearly in his book. He suggests a timetable, but leaves it up to the parents to change the suggested minutes on the table to meet the baby and parents' needs. For example, he suggest to let the baby cry for 5 min and increase gradually, but that the parent can change this to any minute they wish. I would only let my baby cry 1 min at a time and would them run into his room and confort him for 3 min. I am not sure how the previous readers would be considered detachment parenting!!!!
  
  I did this for 2 nights. After two nights my baby was sleeping through the night.
  
  In order to correct his night feeding, we gradually reduced his night intake. Ferber suggests doing this over a week. Since I did not want my baby crying, I implemented his program over a 4 week period. During these 28 days, my baby cried once!!! I know can sleept through the night and so can my family. We all wake up rested and ready for another day. My husband and I are no longer exhausted nor fighting due to exhaustion.
  
  In conclusion, give this book an opportunity. Remember, you can tailor his program so it is as gentle as you wish. I believe that the people that are giving this book a bad review is because they chose to let their baby cry all night long, did not modify the program/timetable and truly this is unacceptable!
  
  
• Cry-it-out, throw up, then cry some more
  By on 2002-07-18
  Ok so I tried Mr. Ferber for 3 weeks with my 19 mo. old, and it's brought me nothing but vomiting and hysterical crying when I say "Nigh-night." He says it's ok for them to throw up (but really, I am the one who has to clean it up!) He also says to use the 5/10/15 and so on with the cry-it-out sessions. My daughter would calm down when I went into the room, but as soon as I left, she cried hysterically - worse than before I went in there. Finally it usually ended up with me laying her down after almost an hour of crying and her passing out right when I laid her down. Her eyes would be all puffy, nose bright red, tear streaks on her cheeks... so I've decided this book is for the birds - at least for my child. If after 3 weeks there is no improvement, I must move onto a different solution. She is crying for a reason, and if she needs my comfort then I'm going to be there for her. I've currently ordered a book about the no-cry-solution to sleep problems and it's ratings have been great, so I'm willing to give that a try. I've tried Ferber, now I think I'll give my husband the book to start the grill the next time we cookout!
  
  
• REDISCOVER YOUR SANITY
  By on 1998-10-01
  As a parent and an educator I never dreamed I'd reach the point of "Ferberizing" my baby. After all, wasn't this the toxic method that forced you to let your baby cry all night alone in a cold, dark prison-like bed? As a new Mom I was committed to the theoretical viewpoints of Dr. Sears and his colleagues, and was determined to make the family bed work for us. After 10 months of perseverence with little to no sleep at night I knew I had to make a drastic change for my own sanity. That is when I bought the Ferber book in an attempt to find a solution to our nighttime woes. As it turned out, I read the book in one night and was completely wrong about the process Dr. Ferber advocates. His logical, developmentally sound and behavioristic approach helped me to understand the improper sleep associations I was developing in my young one. After one week we were well on the road to recovery. I can now be a better parent to my child during the day since I am getting adequate sleep at night. This book has changed our lives! To all those who cringe at my words, I should add that I am still a staunch advocate of the family bed...if it works for you. I would never change the bonding my baby and I experienced sleeping together the first few months. However, there comes a time when you need to assess the health and happiness of the family unit. If you have reached the end of your rope at night, this book is the right one for you.
  
  
• Read this book _before_ there are problems.
  By A1WET4KUHXSCT0 on 2000-02-07
  The best time to read this book is the first few weeks after your child is born (BEFORE there are any sleeping problems). It gives you a good understanding of the patterns and stages of an infant's sleep as well as what you need to do (and avoid doing) to encourage good sleeping habits from the start.

  When I read this book, my son was 6 weeks old. He would fight off sleep even when obviously tired, rarely napped during the day, woke every three hours each night to be fed, and had hour long cranky periods during the day when he cried and couldn't be consoled. After reading the book we made two changes: 1) We started moving him to his crib before he fell asleep, not after and 2) We changed from trying to maximize the amount of his nightly feedings to just feeding enough to get him to go back to sleep. Two weeks later he is sleeping from 8pm to 6am with a single nighttime feeding in between and is taking three 1 hours naps each day. His long cranky periods have disappeared.

  This was without resorting to the 'crying with periodic checks' method for which Ferber is (in)famous. That method is really meant to be used for older infants after a sleeping problem has already been introduced. It is not the entire scope of this book.
  
  

• An attached Mom confesses....
  By A3SYKF15F7MM5Z on 2005-03-09
  I am the first to admit that I was adamantly against the Ferber method. I will also be the first to admit that I did not even the read the book and still held negative opinions about it. My knowledge base was acquired largely through literature praising attachment parenting and, like one reviewer has already stated, I was torn between these ideals and my real life struggles.
  
  Let me offer you my story and start by saying that I am a breastfeeding (still am at 12 months), former co-sleeping Mom of one daughter. I really and truly believe in the tenants of attachment parenting (including sleeping arrangements). My daughter, however, had other plans when it came to co-sleeping.
  At four months, she became overly excited and agitated while sleeping in our bed. It seemed that upon waking (even though she was offered my breast at any moment to help her return to sleep) she would see me and think it was time to play. Sometimes it would be another hour or so of tugging at my breast until she would fall off into what was a very light sleep. This pattern continued for another several months.
  
  Determined not to let her cry it out, I read Elizabeth Pantley's "No Cry Sleep Solution." Fortunately, with some hard work and perseverance, she was sleeping much better but still not through the night. She was now in her own crib. At 10 months, she would often wake once for a brief feeding. I made peace with this. Then she contracted Coxsakie virus. I had to go to her often throughout the night in order to check on her temperature which would often spike once the Tylenol wore off. She was miserable and required long bouts of rocking. Once she regained good health, her night pattern had changed once again. She was now waking every hour (!?). I felt as though I had a newborn. I tried once again to use the tools I had acquired through books I had read (including Weissbluth's book). She became more agitated and I was at my wits end. I cannot tell you how worn out and powerless I felt.
  
  Finally, I decided to give Ferber a try. When I first read it, I really felt it made sense and was shocked that I had taken such an extreme view on it. Dr. Ferber does not advocate letting a child cry it out when they are very young. He is also puts forth a much gentler approach then sleep trainers like Weissbluth (who advocates for a full 'cry it out' approach with NO check ins!). We are now in day 3 of the method and I have seen a marked improvement. Although she cried A LOT during the first episode, it is now taking her much less time to fall asleep. More importantly, my daughter is not at all affected during the day - our bond of trust has not been affected and she is just as happy to see me, play independently, etc. etc. as she was before.
  
  I do believe that before attempting to 'sleep train' it is important for parents to:
  1. Arm themselves with knowledge about sleep and sleep patterns.
  2. Read a variety of books about sleep training methods before choosing the one that is right for their family.
  3. Be completely ready (and probably at their wits end or they won't follow through).
  4. Understand that allowing a child to continue to experience fragmented sleep is unfair.
  5. Understand that allowing your child the opportunity to learn self-soothing skills when he/she is old enough to handle it is NOT selfish (believe me, if I were being selfish I would have scooped up my daughter the moment I heard the first blood-curdling shrill!)
  
  I believe that if our society were different and we lived in tight knit communities and/or with other family members who could help us share the responsibility of caring for a child, we might be able to allow our children to use us as transitional objects before becoming full independent. Unfortunately, I am forced to work part time and function throughout the day. I could simply not live on the fragmented sleep I was getting.
  
  That said, I do think the book has it's drawbacks. Although it is very straightforward, it is at times TOO simplified. It does, however, seem to contain enough information to get you started.
  
  
  
• Old, outdated information
  By on 2002-08-25
  This book is 18 years old and the scientific data upon which it was based is now outdated. The recommendation to let your baby lay in his crib and cry to sleep because it's the only way to get him to sleep no longer applies. There are many other options to better sleep for babies and parents. Our generation has learned so much in the past 18 years and it's wise to take advantage of new research and information, and it's much easier on both parents and baby too. I liked a new book (2002) called The No-Cry Sleep Solution, Gentle Ways To Help Your Baby Sleep.
  
  
• Read it before judging
  By A2OQ1F9DEFU2Z0 on 2005-10-12
  I was very hesitant to read this book. I had heard of 'Ferberizing' your child and Detachment parenting, and when put this way, of course you wouldn't want to do such a thing to your precious baby. I consider myself to be a strong advocate of attachment parenting and had looked to Dr. Sear's books numerous times for advice about sleeping. My 4 month old spent his first 4 mounths sleeping in his co-sleeper in my room or in my bed with me and my husband. This arrangement was working well for us the first few months and I really enjoyed having him close by and being able to easily breastfeed him throughout the night. I kept expecting his intervals for sleeping to gradually lengthen, for him to wake less often and not need to feed 4-5 times throughout the night. My husband kept telling me that coworkers were telling him that we would have to let the baby cry it out and I felt very annoyed with their advice and assumptions. We (I) decided that we would keep things as they were until he was 4 months old hoping that things would work themselves out. During this time I also read Healthy Sleep Happy Baby and found the advice (especially about naps and tired cues) to be somewhat helpful though I thought the book was extremely poorly written.
  
  When my son was 4 months old our situation had not improved. I was up with him constantly throughtout the night and had reached an entirely new level of exhaustion! A co-worker of mine, who is also a Therapist, loaned me this book and I decided to read it over. I was pleasantly surprised to find well organized information about sleep patterns as well as workable solutions for addressing my son's sleep. His theory explaining my son's crying; because he was used to my nursing and rocking him to sleep and back to sleep, was right on. (I don't think that I would do this differently next time as this was important for our bonding and his feeling safe and attached.) My son needed to learn to put himself back to sleep when he woke from light non-REM sleep during the middle of the night. I wrapped my brain around viewing his cries as protests of this change in the routine, rather then his feeling abandoned. I also did some soul searching that helped me to see that a good portion of what I was struggling with were my own needs and enjoyment of cuddling him to sleep. (I of course still spend plenty of cuddle time with him just not at 4:30 in the morning!) I found too that my own exhaustion was making doing things differently and getting even less sleep for a couple of nights seem like too much. (During the day) we carefully picked a day to begin and made a very conscious decision of what we were going to do and why. We followed the schedule of checking in on our son with some modifications of the timing that felt right to us, and have seen tremendous improvements over the week since we started.
  
  In summary, if you are not having difficulties with your child sleeping then consider yourself lucky and keep doing what is working for you. If you are, you need not be a martyr for fear that letting your child do some crying means that you are practicing 'Detachment parenting' (which to me is just a put down meaning bad parent) Though I hate hearing my son cry, he is sleeping better already, is more rested and happier during the day, and greets me each morning with a big toothless grin. Our incredible bond has not been affected and I am beginning to feel like less of a zombie!
  Good Luck
  
  
  
• Still seeing the benefits at 14 months
  By AHDFN85MDTJ1W on 2003-11-05
  The technique outlined in this book is far from being a "cry it out" method. Ferber states clearly within the text that it is not good to let your baby "cry it out." Anyone who believes otherwise has misinterpreted his words. Using Ferber's method, you will check on your baby and comfort him or her at set intervals of your choice (we started with one minute).

  We used Ferber's method (upon the suggestion of my daughter's pediatrician) when our daughter was 5 months old because she was getting restless and agitated in our bed, whereas she was previously content. We realized that what she needed was her own space, and she has been happy with that for 9 months.

  Ferber does more than just offer advice. He provides scientific evidence regarding sleep patterns that lead the reader to a deeper understanding of the sleep process (and a deeper understanding of WHY a baby needs to learn how to go to sleep on his or her own).

  I do not consider myself barbaric -- I have followed most of Dr. Sears' advice in The Baby Book and consider myself "an attached parent." The first night of Ferber's technique was EXTREMELY difficult for us. Our child cried and cried and vomited too. However, the very next night, she fell asleep in 3 minutes. Now, she practically dives into her crib to go to sleep. She appreciates her "me" time and has certainly forgotten about that one night that she cried for an hour. And I don't believe her brain development has been hindered by that one hour either.

  It is only through frustration that humans are motivated to grow and become independent. I believe that if you choose to eliminate all frustration from a child's life, you are also eliminating the opportunity for growth. You are also detracting from your own sanity. Every night after 8, my husband and I have "our" time. We are happier and better parents because we chose to set these boundaries and to follow our daughter's lead in creating her own place to fall asleep. Although it was painful for a brief moment in time, we are reaping the benefits from making that decision night after night, week after week, month after month.
  
  

• I tried it . . .
  By A3KUVFLTFUX25R on 2006-04-03
  My 18 mo old daughter had never slept through the night. I was getting desperate and several people recommended this book. It went against my heart to let my daughter cry to sleep, but I was told it would be a quick solution.
  
  I let her cry for a week. Each night got worse and worse. She was crying hard for over an hour before falling asleep (passing out is really more accurate.) Then she started crying as soon as we entered her bedroom and she saw her crib. She would cling to me and I had to peel her off. Then she started having nightmares, too.
  
  I saw that bedtiime and sleep was becoming a horrible, frigtening time for her. I didn't think that this so-called quick solution was about sleep only, but must have a deeper mental connection. I wasn't willing to risk my daughter's mental health for the sake of a few zzzz's. I also read that Ferber is coming out with a new version of this book that doesn't recommend the crying to sleep method. I lost trust in this book immediately.
  
  I went back to my search and found The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers. Three weeks of a new routine and my little daughter is now sleeping - soundly and peacefully and the nightmares and fear of bedtime has vanished. I strongly urge you to avoid my mistake and try the gentle approach first.
  
  
• Call me a well-rested mom
  By A2SHQJP6PNQTLD on 2000-05-22
  I read every review, both positive and negative, before reading this book. Though I had two nights of hell (one of which culminated in my then 2 1/2 year old falling asleep on the rug by the door out of sheer exhaustion), on the third night she just asked if we could leave the door open. Now, 6 months later, she sleeps 10 hours a night, no problem. Occassionally, she'll wake up and want to sleep in my bed, but I just walk her back and tell her that when it's light out, she can come in. Not only will you learn how to help your child sleep through the night, you'll learn lots of interesting things about sleep patterns that will help you understand your child better. You owe it to yourself to read this book. Those who condemn Ferber are simply misreading his method.
  
  
• It may work, but at what cost?
  By A1AJMQSSG10XQL on 2002-07-16
  Dr Ferber is a sleep specialist and explains human sleep accurately and completely. What is missing from this book is compassion. Certainly, any baby left in the crib to cry to sleep will eventually "get it" that no one is coming back. However, I question what this does to the parent/child bond and to the baby's view of the world. Furthermore, many of my support group friends who Ferberized took several weeks of torment until their baby was sleeping better, and many of the mothers cried through the process. And then they seem to regress quite often and have to do the crying-it-out process again and again. I found just as much accurate sleep information, and a more compassionate plan in another book called The No-Cry Sleep Solution. I had just as much success as my friends, but did it without the pain of the crying.
  
  
• Ferber has changed his mind
  By A237VQH08BM176 on 2005-11-18
  I hope you realize that Ferber is "rethinking" his advice. He now says that "the first need of that youngster is to feel confident at night and if that means a parent with them all night then that's the way it should be, the sleep problem can be solved as a secondary issue."
  
  You probably should avoid this book if the author himself says the method isn't good.
  
  
  
  
• Just because something WORKS, doesn't mean its good.
  By A1B4H1QPWUNMD8 on 2006-08-24
  In this book the well known Dr. Ferber tells us that he is a "specialist" in sleep. He doesn't mention that he is a speciallist in CHILD sleep behaviors at Harvard and NOT an infant sleep behaviors. He doesn't mention that he NEVER works with infants at Harvard and that Brazelton is Harvards infant sleep specialist. (yes there are big differences between an infants ability to sleep and an 8 year olds)
  
  In this book Dr. Ferber tells you to let your child "cry it out" with an occasional check on your child to make sure hes ok and let him know you are still around...even though scientific studies have proven infants don't gain a sense of permanance (ie: they think when you leave the room you are gone forever) until around 7 months of age.
  Bower and Wishart:1972, Johnson, M. H., & Siegler, R. S.:1997, harvard study. Brazelton & Als: 1980 and many more have proven this and Brazeltons countinuing INFANT research at Harvard continues to support this.
  
  And FERBER himself NOW suggests the you do NOT ever use the Ferber method unless your child is at least 6 months old...
  however that is not what it states in his ORIGINAL book as it was written in the 80's (30 years ago) and unless someone is getting this very new, revised edition they will not know this (As well most parents will totoally disregard this anyways)
  However in this new, updated version (the new version only) he does go a little bit into building a good night time ritual and rocking and singing to your child as well as Before you "Ferberize," you should make sure that feeding habits, pain, stress (like a child who is screaming and crying isn't going to be stressed) or medications are not causing or contributing to your baby's sleep problems.
  
  In this book Ferber as well suggests in this updated book that, not only should you let your child cry it out but that you shouldn't pick them up. And EVEN if your child is hyper-ventilting from being so upset (wouldn't you love your child to pass out because then he'd be quiet), or is throwing up (which can cause dehydration not to mention its painful) not to pick up your child, but just to clean him off "as best as you can" and lay him back down and leave.
  
  It's a parents job to ensure that all your baby's needs are met. What could be more in need then a infant who can do nothing for himeself, cannot even speak, who is screaming out for help and is trowing up all over. I mean what kind of mother would listen to a man when she feels guilt in her heart and sees her child gettign sick. I feel guilty when I lie, I feel guilty when I break a promise, I know when I feel guilty I am doing something WRONG. And ensuring a childs needs are meat means not just physically but emotionally as well, Ferber never goes into any aspects of the childs emotional health in this book because he knows it is just another form of ignoring another human begin.
  Does The advice in this book work..yes it will work for almost anyone, I could beat my kid silly to get him to clean his room..it would work but certainly would be a cruel choice.
  
  Do you know toddlers and infants have no sense of time. Its not just when you say "5 minutes honey" and they say "are we there yet" one minute latter, infants have even less sense of any sort of time, and 5 minutes of crying when they are scared, lonely, or confused can seem like an eternity.
  When I am sad I like a hug from a friend, when I need help I would hate my husband if he just ignored me when I asked for help. Why should we treat our children different. Because its to much work?
  
  If you just can't put the effort into taking care of your child day AND night like most people then this book is for you, but be sure to get the revised edition, not the 30 year old version.
  
  
• Thank you Dr. Ferber!
  By A1WH35RCF7Z3X3 on 2007-03-22
  This is NOT the cry-it-out plan you have heard about!
  
  I was originally very reluctant to even read this book due to comments I had heard about "Ferberization." Since we practice attachment parenting principles, what I thought was the Ferber approach, did not seem an option for us. However, after 16 months, my son was still nursing every 2 hours at night. I was physically exhausted and it was taking a toll on the whole family. I read both The Baby Sleep Books by Sears and The No Cry Sleep Solution by Pantley. Although they offered numerous tips on how to teach your child to form positive sleep attachments, I finished both books not really having any idea on how to SOLVE my son's sleep problem. In my sleep deprived state, I needed a no-fail, step by step PLAN! In this updated edition, Dr. Ferber sets out a clear and concise plan to solve your child's sleep problems, and it works!
  
  The book starts with an extremely informative overview of children's sleep cycles and how they differ from adult cycles. On thing that Ferber really emphasizes, is that your child's awakenings are not the problem, as they are a natural part of every person's sleep cycle. The problem is, more often, that a child does not know how to go to sleep without a parent's intervention (rocking, nursing, patting etc), so when they naturally awake in the night, they need the intervention in order to fall back asleep. The solution: teach your child to fall asleep in the same conditions he will find himself in when he wakes up in the night (most commonly alone in his crib), so that he may easily fall back asleep. Ferber details a plan called progressive wait, where you put your child in his bed, sleepy but awake and leave him to fall asleep on his own. Obviously the child will protest, but you return at intervals of your own choosing to calm and comfort him, but again leave before he falls asleep. Eventually, you increase the times between your returns to comfort the child, until he falls asleep. Ferber suggests intervals of 5, 10, and 15 minutes; we started with 1,2, and 3 minutes because even 5 minutes of crying alone seemed too much.
  
  Dr. Ferber also details a plan for night weaning which was very effective for us. He suggests lengthening the time between night nursing sessions by a 1/2 hour each night until the night feedings are eliminated. My husband tended to our son if he awoke before it was time to nurse and comforted him back to sleep. The first 2 nights were hard, but our son quickly learned that if Dad came in, it was not time for milk. The night weaning was complete in about a week and we then used the progressive wait technique to teach him to fall asleep in his crib by himself. So, in less than a month, our son went from always falling asleep by nursing in my arms and nursing at EVERY night awakening, to going to bed awake and falling asleep by himself in his own bed and staying asleep all night! I was truly amazed to see the improvement in my son's mood during the day! I knew the sleep deprivation was affecting my moods and ability to function, but it never occurred to me that HE would be happier after a night of uninterrupted sleep too! I wish that I had read this book months ago!
  
  So, if you are pregnant or have a tiny infant who has not yet formed sleep rhythms and sleep attachments, then read The Baby Sleep Books by Sears and The No Cry Sleep Solution by Pantley. Those books will give you ideas on how to form positive sleep associations and avoid sleep problems. But if you are sleep deprived and need a solution, then read this book today! This is NOT the cry-it-out plan you have heard about! This is a plan with minimal crying, lots of comforting, and you and your baby will be sleeping better and be happier soon!
  
  Note: I have noticed many of the critical reviews listed here are for the OLD version of this book and call for serious updating. This review is for the new 2006 edition. Check the dates of the reviews you read!
  
  
  
• torture for both parent and child
  By on 2000-02-15
  Being a sleep deprived mother of a nine month old, I decided to make this book my last resort. However,as desparate as I am, I could not convince myself of Ferber's philosophy. The idea of "crying it out" did not agree with my instincts as a mother. Ferber also believes that if your child cries to the point of vomitting, it's still okay. I feel that this method not only desensitizes the parent of their child's cry, it also ruins the trust between infant and parent. Ferber makes it sound like it will be so easy...two or three night of "minimal crying." However, Ferber does not address the extremely high need child who will fight this process until they collapse from exhaustion. My son cried three straight hours the first night and only slept for twenty minute intervals throughout the night. He missed all naps because he cried longer than "the one hour rule." This continued for the next day and night. He woke on the third day with swollen red eyes and dark circles. He was so traumatized, that he would not let me leave the room or set him down for a week afterwards. Yes, I stopped the madness and turned to Dr. Sears for help. Dr. Sears may not have all the answers, but his philosophy coinsides with my maternal instincts. I am still sleep deprived, but my son's happiness is more important. Like one of the previous reviewers, I threw this book in the trash.
  
  
• I got this book because I COULDN'T let my child "Cry it out"
  By on 2000-03-25
  At 2 years old, my daughter wouldn't sleep on her own. We would have to lie down in bed with her until she was asleep, then get up and go to our own bed. She would then wake up in the night crying, and wouldn't go back to sleep until one of us laid down with her again. Most of the time, one of us just slept in her bed with her (a twin size-not very comfortable). We were miserable, and asked everyone we knew for advice. Everyone, including her pediatrician, told us to just let her cry it out, but we just couldn't do that. We tried, but it just seemed to cruel. Then her pediatrician recommended this book. I read the whole book the afternoon that I got it, and tried the method that fit her problem that night. I was able to get her to sleep on her own without crying, at first by sitting outside her room while she fell asleep, then gradually moving further away. Now she goes to sleep without any fuss, without me staying nearby, and sleeps through the night. And she actually asks to go to bed at night. She knows that if she needs me, I will come immediately. This book truly changed our lives, and for the better. Anyone who says this is a "cry it out" method is wrong. Every baby is different, and some will go through some crying, but the parent is constantly going in and reassuring the child, so that the child knows he/she has not been abandoned. Real "crying it out" is just leaving the child to cry and scream until they tire themselves out. This book is totally different, and offers parents alternatives. You can modify the methods to suit your individual child. Your child CAN sleep through the night, and so can you! I just wish I had had this book from the very beginning. I highly recommend it to all parents of young children or babies, whether they have a sleep problem or not, because it also teaches you how to develop good sleep patterns and habits.
  
  
• Ferber teaches parents to be selfish and cruel
  By on 1999-06-20
  Dr. Ferber uses sensible sounding language to convince parents it's actually healthy to ignore their instincts and their child. A doctor in his position should know better. After following his advice to a T, it took two weeks for my infant daughter to allow me out of her sight for fear I would not return when she needed me. Babies communicate through crying and are otherwise helpless to explain their needs. As parents it is our job to listen, even when we are exhausted, even when it is inconvenient.

  Dr. William Sears is a much more compassionate source of effective solutions to the same problems. He gathered his information through both first hand experience (he's the father of six children) and by listening to parents whose children he treated. He is also Assistant Professor of Pediatrics at the University of Southern California. Dr. Sears' methodology is this, to quote him, "A child who feels right acts right and is a joy to parent. I want you as parents to enjoy your child." Dr. Ferber is from the "children should be seen and not heard" school of thought. Should these two doctors ever debate their ideas and their results, Dr. Sears will come out on top.

  Mothers I know who swear by Dr. Sears have happier babies than those who use Dr. Ferber. Their behavior reflects it: They are self confident, respectful, and laugh easily.

  Dr. Ferber, I had a child to love her, not ignore her.
  
  

• This does NOT work for every child!!
  By A32QE0P7SOABE4 on 2001-10-16
  My husband and I tried this method, twice (once at 6 months old and again at 13 months). We were both committed to giving this a fair trial, even though I had my doubts that it would work for my son. We did EXACTLY what the book says, and went through a week of sleepless nights the first time, and nearly 2 weeks the second round. All we acheived was to make everyone in the household miserable, throw off my baby's sleep rhythms for weeks afterwards, and make the baby clingy and insecure (and exhausted). I know enough people who have used this method successfully to believe it works for some kids, but I have also known enough people who say it didn't work for them to believe it is not successfull for every child, even if you follow the program to the letter. (My baby cried for 2, 3 or even 4 or more HOURS each night--the gradually lengthening times between visits to reassure him did not make him "realize it was doing him no good to cry". He eventually fell asleep from exhaustion each night, but the crying periods actually were getting LONGER over time. And sometimes he would only sleep 30-45 minutes or so and then wake up and cry for a few more hours. When he sleeps in my bed, or nurses to sleep and then is put into the crib asleep, he sleeps like an angel (waking up one or more times each night, but dropping back off easily with cuddling or nursing). Listening to the child you love screaming in fear and frustration for hours on end each night doesn't do mommy and daddy much good either. But we were determined to give it a fair trial--after nearly 2 weeks (the second time), I said "enough!". I threw Ferber in the trash and bought Sears' "Nighttime Parenting" which is just about the polar opposite of Ferber. Sears' style seems a much more humane and sensitive approach for my family. And, for what it's worth, Ferber has no children of his own (as far as I can tell from his bio); Sears has eight children. Who would you rather listen to??
  
  
• Confessions of a recovering "Attachment Parent "
  By A27JQTV2QKY7AY on 2001-12-04
  Thank you, Dr. Ferber! You have saved the sanity of all who dwell under our roof! My ten month old son spent four months waking me up at least three times to nurse, from age 6 months to the present. At his worst, he would wake me up EVERY 15 MINUTES, and tossed and turned all night long in bed with me, while my husband slept in another bedroom. We were all totally sleep deprived, and the baby was as miserable as I was! I had been buying into Dr. Sears' theories of parenting which advised to bring baby into bed with me, and it just got worse and worse until I literally considered checking into a mental hospital just to get some sleep!!! My husband and I were reluctant to let baby cry, and dreaded trying it, but the first night, after crying for an hour, he slept straight through for 9 hours until morning! He has slept an average of 11 hours at night ever since, and he now takes two 1-hour long naps every day!!! He never used to nap!!! He usually goes down without even crying now, just rolls over, smiles, and snoozes away. WHAT A DIFFERENCE! It is hard at first, but babies need to be given boundaries around their sleep. Most cannot naturally organize their own sleep patterns. I know mine sure needed some limits set around his sleep. Now that I have made it clear to him that nighttime is for sleeping, he knows, and he is a MUCH happier baby because of it! Sears warned that I would have a very unhappy baby if I let him cry, and instead, he is a well-rested and much happier baby! Sears warned that I would sacrifice our strong attachment for sleep, but this is exactly the opposite of what has happened! My baby is so much more joyful and loving now that he is not sleep deprived! We recommend this book unabashedly!!!
  
  
• Solve Your Child's Sleep Problem
  By A21KLOAK9X3YDL on 2004-10-05
  Used this book for my daughter and I am still feel guilty for the night she cried all night. Please order the book with the No Crying method instead of this one and save yourself the guilts later. You won't be sorry!! No baby should have to cry if there is an alternative method. By the way, my daughter is 12 years old so that is a long to have to feel guilty for being such an awful parent that night!!!!!!!!!
  
  
• Revised edition still advises cry it out
  By A15TB7OAKS02YD on 2006-06-05
  I saw an interview with Ferber about this new edition. He said he felt he was misunderstood and does not really advise parents to let their babies cry it out. The new book is much longer and has new information (including an OK to co-sleep) but the infamous cry it out chart (wait 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 15 minutes) is still a prominent part of the advice. The same parent stories from the first edition remain. His advice to wean baby from a nighttime pacifier? "You must do it cold turkey." I expected to see a more humane answer to what to do if a child cries so hard he vomits. However, I was disappointed here, too. He says "If you reward him for throwing up by giving him too much attention he will only learn that vomiting is a good way to get what he wants. Occasional vomiting will not hurt your child, so don't feel guilty that it happened." I could go on with more examples, but will sum this up by saying if you didn't agree with the earlier 1980s edition of this book you won't agree with this one either.
  
  

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