Forgiving Our Parents, Forgiving Ourselves: Healing Adult Children of Dysfunctional Families Reviews

• A path to healing

  
  By on 2000-05-12
  I always thought I was the one in the family who was *not* in denial - the one who called things as they saw them, but this book showed me that I too, had been in denial.

  I'd hit parts of this book that were so upsetting or so revealing that I had to set the book aside for a time and think deeply about what I'd read.

  And it relieved me of tons of guilt and shame I'd carried for years. Quite frankly, this book was an answer to prayer, but it took some wading through the mire and muck to get to the fresh, pure waters.

  After reading one chapter and doing an exercise, I recalled a painful incident when a family friend harmed me and I told my father about it and he didn't even want to hear about it. My father accused me of being a liar.

  Subsequently, I made some poor choices in life and I'd always kind of wondered how I'd wandered down that bad path. Stoop's book helped me connect some of the random looking dots and see what happened, why it happened, and why it is okay to forgive myself and forgive the others who let me down.

  First and foremost, this is a book about healing. The very last chapter though, is rich. It's a section you'll want to read again and again.
  
  

• Excellent Book

  
  By on 2000-03-06
  I bought this book after reading another by David Stoop and thought this would be helpful with guiding me through forgiveness from a Christian perspective. It was better than I imagined. The first half is back ground information on identifying yourself as an adult child of a dysfunctional family. The second half if the hands-on steps to forgiveness including a clear understanding of the true goal of forgiveness - your own peace of mind. I felt the most helpful thing for readers to know is Dr. Stoop's position on NOT forgetting. Many people have a big road block to forgiving because they don't want to let anyone "get away" with what they've done or they don't want to forget. He explains that forgiveness leading to your own peace of mind is possible without "giving in," without forgetting and without reconciling. I would imagine that non-Christian readers would have difficulty agreeing with much of his Christian based views. Overall, extremely sympathetic and helpful in releasing your demons and getting on with your own happiness.
  
  

• Informative & helpful. A very real & thorough self-help book

  
  By on 1998-11-18
  I chose this book based on it's title. I was not disappointed either. Though I didn't expect much, I came away with more than I could ever imagine. Throughout the book you get to see examples where family dysfunction was prevelant and an analysis following. Once I picked up the book, I continued to read until I was finished. I have to admit, there is a bit of homework they give you, research on your family tree- so that you can sort of track the past abusive trail up to the current day. My thought is that it gives you a better understanding of how you fit into the equation. I was not up to that since it does take a bit "asking questions" from family members that may be evasive. So I skipped the little project chapter. Overall, I liked the content, the therapeutic tone and skilled advice given. It eased my mind and gave me directions and guidance in many areas. Best of Luck with your book search in this area!
  
  

• Insightful and very practical aid to mental health.

  
  By AGOTTVO9UQRXX on 1998-05-29
  This useful book can be worth a year of face-to-face psychotherapy, and in some ways it is more effective. Readers can quickly gain understanding of how painful conditions in their childhood negatively affect them as adults and of the necessary steps they must take to heal themselves. Each chapter includes a competent study guide that focuses the reader's personal journey toward recovery and release from long-standing pain. Readers looking for an excuse for their own adult shortcomings, however, will not find ammunition in this book, which shows how to accept responsibility for our adult lives no matter how dysfunctional our parents may have been. The authors effectively use Christian examples and philosophy in their approach, and this should not detract from the universal relevance of the book except perhaps for readers with a bitter anti-religious attitude. Completing this book is not an easy exercise because it requires the reader to grapple with unresolved issues. The committed reader, however, will be amply rewarded by learning how to use effective tools for healing and recovery.
  
  

• A hard book to read because it will stir you to your core

  
  By on 2000-05-10
  I always thought I was the one in the family who was *not* in denial - the one who called things as they saw them, but this book showed me that I too, had been in denial.

  I'd hit parts of this book that were so upsetting or so revealing that I had to set the book aside for a time and think deeply about what I'd read.

  And it relieved me of tons of guilt and shame I'd carried for years. Quite frankly, this book was an answer to prayer, but it took some wading through the mire and muck to get to the fresh, pure waters.

  After reading one chapter and doing an exercise, I recalled a painful incident when a family friend harmed me and I told my father about it and he didn't even want to hear about it. My father accused me of being a liar.

  Subsequently, I made some poor choices in life and I'd always kind of wondered how I'd wandered down that bad path. Stoop's book helped me connect some of the random looking dots and see what happened, why it happened, and why it is okay to forgive myself and forgive the others who let me down.

  First and foremost, this is a book about healing. The very last chapter though, is rich. It's a section you'll want to read again and again.
  
  

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