SM 101: A Realistic Introduction Reviews

• Enter the real world of SM play

  
  By A2RL9JHYNEJ1QR on 2000-12-31
  BDSM, by nature, is shrouded in a world of fantasy. This is fantastic if you are sitting down for a good erotic "read", however, it is more problematic if you are contemplating trying to act out your SM fantasies. Fortunately, readers now have access to a non-titillating , realistic guide to SM play. Jay Wiseman is an experienced SM player and a popular lecturer/speaker at many BDSM events and his book, SM 101, has condensed down his years of scene experience into a very readable guide to SM play.

  It is somewhat of a `technical manual' that explains SM terminology, the mechanics of `erotic pain' as well as how to use clamps, bondage, flagellation, erotic torture and humiliation. The second part of the manual introduces the reader to SM organizations, SM relationships and how to construct specialized types of scenes. This book is a definite must have for anyone contemplating exploring the public BDSM scene. The terminology and basic safety rules are "musts" at any responsible event.

  Because this is book is written by a scene player, it does move a little quickly over the initial exploratory stages that many couples go through to get into SM - Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns has a somewhat more elaborate introduction into the SM mindset. However, if you have decided that you are going to play and want to know how, there isn't any better book out there to get started with.
  
  

• Excellent book for beginners and those already into BDSM.

  
  By on 1998-06-14
  "SM101, A Realistic Introduction, Second Edition" by Jay Wiseman is what I consider to be the best book for newcomers to BDSM and those who want additional information about things they haven't yet tried or understanding terms and techniques that they may not be familiar with.

  Jay writes in an easy style; the book is written in plain language and is completely understandable... infinitely "readable". He defines most all the current usage terminology, discusses the basics of SM play and Dominance and Submission better than anyone else in my opinion. It is a "How To" and a "How Not to Do" with explanations about every phase of BDSM play.

  The best reason to buy this book, however, is to really understand what safety is all about. Also the book contains lots of resources for further information about the lifestyle as well as a wonderful "negotiation" form for new and experienced partners so that their sessions will be mutually safe and pleasurable. He stresses something that I know is true from my many years in the lifestyle and that is that open communication between consensual partners is of the utmost importance.
  
  

• The book to move you from fantasy to reality

  
  By on 1999-08-28
  SM 101 presents in an easy to follow format everything you ever wanted to know about sadomasochism but didn't even know enough to ask. The book is impressive in its scope, addressing areas of bondage, pain processing, dom/sub interactions, safety, how to use floggers, whips, clamps and other implements of "torture", finding partners, and even how to start your own SM organization. My favorite part of the book are the random quotes scattered throughout , addressing all aspects of SM from a personal perspective. SM 101 is more than a how-to book (though the novice will find numerous specifics on just how exactly to tie that knot or what to do with that belt folded so innocently in the dresser ), it includes a significant amount of personal reflection and philosophy gleaned from being an active and well known participant in the scene for over 25 years. Highly recommended.
  
  

• This is the book I wish I had read when I was a beginner

  
  By on 2001-09-15
  SM 101 contains all the essential information that BDSM beginners desperately need, written in a way that newcomers can understand. Though the introductory chapter says it isn't intended for people who are already members of SM community, I would argue that this is an excellent guide even for people with years of experience. I have been a member of several BDSM organizations over seven years, and I found this book to be thought-provoking and helpful. This book has provided me with information and advice that is more honest (and more accurate, I think) than much of what I have gotten from years of workshops, lectures, and demonstrations.

  I think the primary advantage of this book over others on the subject is its depth. Its introduction to the basics of BDSM is particularly thorough. Personal anecdotes, both amusing and poignant, give real-life insight into what it's like to play with BDSM. It has a strong emphasis on safety without being pushy or patronizing. Most books just recite arbitrary rules. SM 101 gives information, suggestions, and advice designed to help readers make their own decisions about the risks they want to take.

  One of my favorite parts of this book is a collection of off-handed remarks overheard at BDSM events. These quotes, scattered in margins of the pages, range from clever to hilarious to profound. Another nice touch is advice on finding partners, and a step-by-step guide to negotiating SM play. There are even negotiation forms that can be copied and used to make sure that all the points are covered. I strongly recommend the safety precautions this book suggests for playing with someone new.

  All in all, SM 101 is a book I would highly recommend to anyone who is seriously considering exploring safe, sane and consensual BDSM.
  
  

• A must-read for even the curious-only

  
  By AQEKD2A5LVYYB on 2000-02-24
  As a newcomer to the bdsm "scene" I am looking for good information on more than just techniques. I am also trying to handle fear, anxiety, and other issues I can only guess at right now. For this, Jay's book is among the best I've read. Not only does he explain the "how" of bdsm, but the who, what, and why people get into this. To read about his own journey over many years has helped me relax and take my own next steps. I believe that anyone who is struggling with "coming out" with their "alternative" sexual expression should read this book right away. It will give you a map of the territory, which is not as scary as our culture leads us to believe, and lead you into what is hopefully a personal transformation.
  
  
• ...Required reading for all with an open mind...
  By on 1999-01-13
  Those of us who may have, or may still be struggling with ambivalent feelings regarding the expression of their sexuality, start right here. Jay Weisman's book is just fabulous! He presents a relaxed yet stunningly comprehensive compilation of information on alternate lifestyles. I can personally attest breathing a sigh of relief upon reading the first few pages of this book. I felt as though someone was speaking to me, for the first time, about things I had never dared to face myself. From those who are confirmed BDSM'ers (that would be Bondage \ Domination \ Dominance \ Submission \ Sadism \ Masochism) to someone shyly exploring a fantasy which has been scuttling in the corner of their minds for years, this "how-to \ how not to" book is a "MUST READ!" From the emotional aspects of role-playing to the technicalities of tying up one's partner, everything is treated with respect, warmth and humor. *Stop* feeling as though you are alone! *Go* read this book!
  
  
• A user-friendly introduction
  By on 2000-05-19
  SM 101 was one of the very first books on the subject I read, and the humor, personal tone, and emphasis on safety and consensuality were instrumental in helping me to feel safe in exploring the topic more. Yes, this is a book written by an individual with his occasional quirks and biases, but it's full of great information and resources. It should be on the reading list for every BDSM beginner.
  
  
• THE BEST BOOK ON THE SUBJECT I'VE READ!!!
  By on 1998-11-30
  THIS BOOK HAS HELPED ME AND MY BOYFRIEND OUT SO MUCH!!! WE ARE BOTH NOVICES AND LIVE "OUT OF THE WAY" FROM MOST CLUBS AND OTHER ORGANIZATIONS. WE FOUND OUT MUCH HELPFUL INFORMATION ON TECHNIQUE AND SAFETY. IT SERVES US LIKE A TEXTBOOK / HOW-TO MANUAL. ANYTIME WE'RE UNSURE SBOUT HOW TO PROCEED, WE JUST LOOK UP THE INFORMATION AND IT'S ALL THERE! I ESPECIALLY ENJOYED THE QUOTES GIVEN ON ALMOST EVERY PAGE FROM THOSE IN THE SM COMMUNITY. VERY WELL-WRITTEN, VERY INFORMATIVE. A MUST FOR ANYONE INTERSENTED IN SM!!!!!!!
  
  
• This is an EXCELLENT book for both beginners and experienced
  By on 1998-02-22
  SM101 is one of the finest books I have ever read regarding the BDSM lifestyle. It is easy to read and goes into nearly every detail from the most basic for novices to the more intricate aspects for the more experienced. There are several related appendices packed with valuable information and where to find more help on subjects of interest not fully covered in this book. So far, it is absolutely the best book I have read for the the general BDSM lifestyle. A MUST read for all people of the BDSM community.
  
  
• Good start for beginners
  By A3EX36SNRYD5VL on 2000-05-11
  A classic which explores the world encompassed by "BDSM". Safety and respect are two basic themes of the books, two things which many non-scene folk would do well to learn about and those who claim to be doing "BDSM" need to do. I found the "Ma'am/Sir" at the pages numbers to be amusing even if I don't personally follow such a rule in my own relationships. Indeed anyone reading this book for the first time should remind themseleves that this is the creation of one man, some of his opinions may not be shared by others but overall his words are well chosen and his attitude similar is not identical to many in the "BDSM" community. A good resource for anyone who is starting and a great conversation initiator for those training or in training.
  
  
• Excellent book for those that want to learn about BDSM
  By on 2000-07-29
  I must say, this has to be one of the best books I have read. Jay Wiseman applys what he knows with personal stories. He lists the safe way of "playing". Goes into explanation about what the lifestyle is about and what it is not about.
  
  
• An invaluable Resource
  By on 2000-07-10
  SM 101 is an excellent book for beginners to learn the basics of the lifestyle as well as a great reference guide for some of the old timers to keep around. This book centers on the safe, sane, and consensual aspect of the lifestyle. It provides a wonderful background for beginners as well as several additional references.

  Jay writes in a very straightforward plain English type of way that makes it easy for people to learn the basics of the lifestyle as well as some of the terms and definitions. The secret to teaching and learning is to be able to take the knowledge you know and explain it to someone else in a way that they understand it and no one does it better than Wiseman.

  The fact that this book is easy to understand for beginners, has enough useful information for those already in the lifestyle and that it focuses on safety, negotiation, and safety, makes this book and invaluable book and a must for anybody interested or already living in this kind of lifestyle.
  
  

• A discussion of the BDSM experience for novices & mavens.
  By A2ZJ3K4B2CSDPQ on 1998-06-01
  Jay is a well-known member of the BDSM scene. His book reflects actual experiences and information from the viewpoint of an actual participant rather than a "wannabe." His information on scene negotiation is outstanding and he admits this is his favorite topic for lectures. First aid/CPR reflects his training and expertise in this area.This book is a MUST for anyone interested in BDSM activities.
  
  
• Title says it all.
  By A190UY2W5UOH5K on 2000-09-22
  This is the perfect realistic introduction to lifestyle D/s, heavy BDSM, and/or non-heavy bedroom games. He is a very funny, often satiric, and easy to understand writer. Safety is stressed- again and again- but I think that it must be. Jay also has a great knowledge of the medical and physical side of things- which I found not only interesting- but also comforting. I can personally recommend this as a great book to read while on jury duty.
  
  
• Informative, encouraging & honest
  By A1U16TRF185BFB on 2001-01-21
  I have never read a work on BDSM that was not only easy to read, but easy to "digest". The book is organized in a logical manner, frequently reminding the reader of vitally important points (safety, consensuality, etc.), and is laced with charming quips he apparently overheard through the years. I found it interesting to read about people who are experiencing these feelings and desires, and how they were able to "realize" the part of themselves society has so overtly and incorrectly stigmatized. Wiseman has provided a clear, unassuming intro to SM, and while his credibility is primarily based on two decades of personal experience in the SM scene, it is made "real" and "human" with the inclusion of his own hesitant beginnings. With any luck, SM101 will help to repair the truly evil reputation SM is currently shackled with (pun intended).
  
  
• A Damn fine book
  By on 2000-10-31
  after reading other peoples reviews i wasn't sure if this book could live up to the hype but after reading it in one evening all i can say is yes it does live up to the hype. This book is a must for a beginner like me, after reading it i feel so much more confident in what i am doing.

  anyone thinking starting out in this area should read this book before they begin.
  
  

• A Good Starter Book
  By on 2002-06-29
  I, a new player, without any other resource other than videos, found that this book is exactly what it is named.. SM 101... Anyone who is starting or just curious about BDSM **MUST** buy this book. It will give you a general overall about most things involed in BDSM. Whether physical, mental or social, it covers it all.
  However, don't expect to find a step by step 'manual' on BDSM. This is not a book that tells you how to do this and that (use your imagination -.-)
  What is talked about in this book will help all readers, whether new and unexperienced or 'old pros of the trade'...
  Although it could be calssified as a 'textbook' the author makes it so easy to read. I finished the book in an evening.
  
  
• Intimate and personal tone adds softness to a harsh topic
  By AO5F3MTTFCQR8 on 2003-07-29
  When I originally bought this book I was quite the vanilla girl but upon reading it I've experimented with several forms of bdsm and this book is an excellent start for any who are curious and beginners.
  
  I wasn't sure what to expect from this book but I have been incredibly impressed with Mr. Wiseman's intimate style of writing and personal openess. What courage it must of taken. You read the first half of the book and feel as if he is guiding you through your journey of self enlightenment by sharing his own story of sucess and failures. He doesn't even try to convert you but tries to give you a better understanding of the practice and people involved. The second half of the book is basic instruction and supplies(bondage,flagellation, etc.) very informative and full of tips if you want to pursue this activity.
  
  Of course, if you have read other reviews you know he is a safety boy and I think that's good. Girls like that. Also, his candor is so refreshing and very attractive.
  
  Since reading this I might explore some aspects to SM; most people already do in a very light way by making specific demands or complying to demands in the bedroom but I will be as Jay suggests putting safety first and taking things slow.
  
  I found this book very informative, in your face informative, and extremely forward in sex talk. So if your curious buy this book it's very good. You don't have to do anything you aren't ready for sometimes reading the ins and outs are fun and you can choose to indulge or just be well read in the subject.
  
  Also, there are quotes throughout the book that are extremely funny and eye opening.
  
  
• An Excellent Introduction to SM
  By AVLZ1HCK8DD5J on 2004-04-12
  This is a wonderful 'starter' book for those new to SM. I can not claim to know how a veteran player might feel about it, as I am still a novice in the realm of BDSM. I picked this book up, as well as Different Loving, initially for my boyfriend. We have a very open, communicative relationship and our trust level is very high, but he seemed to feel that my sexual preferences were, to say the least, disturbed. I was having a terrible time trying to convey to him that BDSM can be a very caring, loving, and almost spiritual experience between two individuals who truly care about each other's well being. This book has helped our communication and experimentation tremendously. The autor has a very straightforward aproach to an extremely taboo topic. I can not imagine the courage it took to make a leap of faith into the public press as he did. He stresses safety very strongly (which in my opinion is highly commendable), gives basic instruction on methods of delivering, and receiving forms of erotic pain, bondage and other aspects of BDSM. It is very much a 'how to' beginner's manual for people interested in exploring the realm of sexual dominance and submission. I highly recommend it to anyone who is thinking of exploring this realm of alternative sexuality, as well as for those who are already well established in their sexual preferences. I am sure that even those who think they know everything could find use for this book. Even if it is used as a means to help educate others who are unaware of what BDSM is actually about. I also reccomend Different Loving in addition to this book. Where SM 101 is a how to guide, Different Loving explores the mentality and psychology of those involved in BDSM relationships. They make wonderful companion books in exploring the total experience.
  
  
• straight-forward discussion on how to be perverted
  By A25ZY4LDFBOXFP on 2005-10-29
  Wiseman is a bit dry and academic, but don't let that turn you off to this really great beginner's manual.
  
  This book is just fantastic for people who are new to BDSM (especially people who have unrealistic biases about "what we do"). I've been involved with BDSM since 2002, and I wish that I'd had this book back then -- so that I could let my vanilla friends read it to get a handle on the lifestyle. Wiseman explains the ins and outs with compassion and finesse, and his approach is refreshingly NOT gendered (unlike "Screw the Roses," which is decidedly male-top, female-bottom oriented).
  
  There are no pictures, no "steamy" parts; it's all a very measured discussion of what goes on in power-exchange relationships. There are chapters on topping, bottoming, first sessions, whipping... the list goes on. Wiseman, a switch, offers advice and suggestions like a pro.
  
  He even talks about common phenomena that seem to happen to all of us:
  *top drop - that feeling that whipping somebody means you might be really messed up, even though both of you loved it at the time
  *Monday morning rebound - where your play partner suddenly decides that he or she is not "into" it anymore, even though he or she had a great first session on Saturday night
  *whipping flu - did you know that a heavy whipping can leave you with more than just bruises and a sore butt?
  *And more!
  
  If I were going to recommend a "first" book on BDSM, this would be it -- even over "Screw the Roses," "The New Topping/Bottoming Book(s)," and other recommended beginner's manuals for BDSM. These books are excellent reading, by the way, but Wiseman simply offers a wider and more professional approach to BDSM. If my mom found my floggers, I'd hand her this book.
  
  
• Great place to start
  By A3VXCLYJLLVVM8 on 2006-05-28
  Great intro to what BDSM means and is all about. My interests are mainly in bondage and "giving erotic pain," and while I don't see myself ever having my own dungeon (too complicated with kids and my often >60 hr workweek but I love the idea!) and I'm too much of a monogamist to ever play with anyone other than my wife, this book is excellent for building a base of knowledge that someone can use to enter and enjoy BDSM in whatever level of involvement he or she might be interested. Dispels much of the myth and prejudice with which BDSM is viewed (good even for an "open-minded" person such as myself) - the dark, dangerous, abusive and freaky practice of perverts. It's funny to think of how many people are into BDSM and don't know it (ever given your sig other a little spanking, fantasized about handcuffs, or done a little roleplaying?). Not a bad place to start as far as bondage interests are concerned; once I'm done with this review, I'm going to buy the bondage books by Jay Wiseman and Midori. And I definitely liked the chapter on giving erotic pain. He takes a lot of time explaining how to be caring and considerate (as both a "top" and a "bottom"), and how to always play it safe. Much appreciated book, and a quick read despite so much useful quality information. If you're already very involved with BDSM, this book would probably be rather elementary, but then again, you most likely read this book a long time ago. Even if your interests are peripheral at best, this book will open your mind and if nothing else, feed your curiosity and educate you about a world that many of us didn't know existed.
  
  
• Do not bother to read this book!!!!!!!!!!
  By on 2004-03-28
  If you are thinking of picking up this book, you likely have some ideas or thoughts about BDSM. Whatever you do, don't start here!
  As extremely avid readers, we found this book to be the worse written piece we have ever read. The quotes are entertaining, at times, and attempt to keep you awake between the excessive repetitiveness of the author's teachings.
  There is a bit of informative BDSM material, that is relevant only to the US, and is written from a single dominant male's perspective (reader beware). All of the ideas in this book could have been expressed in 1/4 of the pages.
  This book was largely a waste of our time especially with the internet at our fingertips. Shame on us for reading it!
  
  
• The clueless trying to lead the clueless!
  By on 2000-04-22
  It's hard to believe that this book or author has developed a following. All I can think is that people out there are even more clueless than this author. If this guide is "realistic" I'd hate to know what an unrealistic attitude is. The book's focus seems to be on what the people the author plays with think is exciting. Typical arrogance for a newbie, but really grating in someone who bills himself as a long-time player. For practical how-to advice try SCREW THE ROSES, SEND ME THE THORNS, and for intellectual stimulation anything by Gloria Brame or Pat Califia are heads and shoulders above this 3d rate manual.
  
  
• A must have
  By AANG87SKNL3T7 on 2003-11-06
  This explains and delves into the psyche of both dominants and submissives and really makes it understandable to those who have no clue.

  When I first picked this book up, I had the assumption that dominant people were kind of sadistic and enjoyed inflicting pain on people. That was not the case. I have come to find out that dominants sole goal is to PLEASE the submissive, and it explains everything from safe words to how far is too far, etc.

  It also gives great tips in the bedroom that can spice things up, gives ideas to new fetishes, and helps people understand where certain fetishes come from.

  If you are NEW to domination, or are just curious to see what it is all about, this is the book for you. When you finish this book, you will have a whole new light of understanding and feel like a whole new person with a newfound knowledge.
  
  

• excellent
  By A1GUZB3UBV5JCG on 2001-03-12
  This book was wonderful. Its perfect for beginners and the experienced. It teaches correct techniques and dispells many myths associated with D/s. A must read.
  
  
• I always wanted to try that!
  By A1SAPHE5GMQZHS on 2002-03-29
  Three weeks ago, my image of S/M was a dominatrix in thigh-high leather boots, cracking a whip at a groveling computer engineer. While that image has strong roots in reality, SM101 has broadened that vision to include things I never imagined. More importantly, this excellent book has defined a context in which many things I have imagined make more sense.
  While the information is well-researched and exhaustively tested by the author, what makes this book so useful is its readability. Any book can list a variety of erotic torture implements, but only Jay Wiseman can provoke the readers's imagination with his loving details and wistful anecdotes.
  For a novice, this book provides a priceless introduction to an intimidating topic. For a jaded pro, this book is a definative reference which keeps the basics of this pleasure-sport alive.
  
  
• No better place to start
  By on 2003-07-26
  As a novice female to the SM scene, I needed a nuts and bolts intro to what I was about to get myself into. SM101 provides everything that a Top or bottom could need to start playing and to have a whole lotta fun. It covers everything from basic rope work to negotiation to dominate/submissive communication and even starting your own SM club! If you are ready to sample flavors other than vanilla, this is your sure guide to get you there.
  
  
• A fascinating read
  By ADX4C728SNM37 on 2007-01-05
  My wife has always expressed a very strong interest in this side of life, and though I have experience, what she wanted was beyond my normal range of experience. So I've done some extensive research and reading up on the subject over the last year. I must say, this book is by far the easiest to follow, understand, and enjoy of all I have read.
  
  The author has a easy reading style and a good sense of humor, making fun of his mishaps as he himself was learning the lifestyle himself. This light and personal form the book takes makes it easier to understand and enjoy for the less or un experienced people out there.
  
  There is extensive material on safety and finding a partner, two areas that will often cause beginners the largest problems. Following safety, the author provides a very well written chapter on the design and use of `scene contracts'. This is a very good idea to practice, since it allows both partners to know exactly what to expect and cuts down on unexpected shocks which can ruin a scene.
  
  Another area that he provides a very good base of knowledge on is knots and rope bondage, which are two of his favorite activities and happen to be the area a lot people who get into the lifestyle come from. After all, who has not fantasized about being tied up and ravaged by our partner? If you have, then this book is worth buying just for those chapters.
  
  Overall, I rate this book a must have for bdsm beginners or those people interested in tying up their partner. For more experienced people, the book most likely will provide a tidbits of knowledge, but is still worth buying. After all, it is always nice to be able to have an easy reading book to give to a partner new to the lifestyle.
  
  
  
• Excellent introduction to SM!
  By A2ZB3LUN5X8H1G on 2000-02-28
  This book was one of the first instructional SM books I bought. I heartily disagree with the UK reviewer who said this book was a waste of money. On the contrary..it is full of excellent information about SM topics ranging from flogging, Dom/sub interactions, finding partners, to Humilation and erotic 'torture,' along with many other topics.

  Highly recommended if you want to learn more about consensual power exchange.
  
  

• Well Intentioned But Too Pedantic
  By on 2001-07-19
  The book was written with the best intentions. However, Wiseman details in precise, numbered lists many of the basic techniques to the point of boredom. He includes how many strokes to apply and exactly where. It leaves the reader with a sense that the techniques provided within must adhere to a strict set of rules.

  If you feel most comfortable with tight guidelines, then this is a fine book. I would suggest taking a look at titles like "Screw the Roses" or "Sensual Magic" to gain more creative insights into the realms of BDSM.
  
  

• Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism
• The Loving Dominant
• The New Bottoming Book
• Two Knotty Boys Showing You The Ropes: A Step-by-Step, Illustrated Guide for Tying Sensual and Decorative Rope Bondage
• The Mistress Manual: The Good Girl's Guide to Female Dominance