Black Baby White Hands: A View from the Crib Reviews

• Thank you, Jaiya, for sharing your soul...

  
  By A3PEYXX4G9KT6H on 2003-08-26
  Black Baby White Hands: A View from the Crib by Dr. Jaiya John touched my soul. It is a journey into the world of a child who was a stranger surrounded by well meaning adoptive parents who were unable to reach the depth of his heart and soul. As you read his book, you move through the depth of a range of emotions and emerge with a hope that armed with sensitivity and knowledge, there is a future for the children caught up in the system. Prior to adopting my first child 25 years ago, I read a book about the account of an adoptee. That story enabled me to prepare myself for how my children might feel being adopted. Dr. John's book is the "Transracial Adoption Bible" sorely needed in this arena. As a transracial adoptive parent, adoption worker and trainer, "Black Baby" has become required reading for those families that I work with or train who desire to parent transracially. When I train prospective aodptive parents, all of them indicate that they want the best for their children. If we look at ourselves honestly, we realize we cannot be everything to our child. Jaiya's poignant life journey compels us to shed our color-blind ideas and recognize we live in a race conscious society that will see color and react according to preconceived notions. We cannot protect our children forever; we must give them the tools to survive in this society. For those who have or are considering adopting transracially, once you read "Black Baby", you will have walked in Jaiya's shoes and you cannot help but come away enlightened and armed with the knowledge you need to do right by the children you love so much. Thank you, Jaiya, for sharing your soul. We need you in this field "It takes a whole village to raise a child."
  
  

• Pity Party!

  
  By APGITAOQL13IB on 2008-04-08
  Honestly, I only made it half way through the book before I could not stand it anymore. Although the author is a very eloquent writer, his pity party over his life was more then I could bare. He was raised by wonderful loving parents who did the best they could to raise him with all the opportunities, guidance, love and affection they could. He had extended family that loved him and treated him with respect (and by his own admittance, some overcame huge prejudicial upbringings to fully love and accept him as their kin). He had friends that accepted him, and loving siblings. He had a better life then I would say the majority of children growing up in America do. He had enough food on the table, family traditions, safe housing, wonderful memories, and most importantly loving family bonds. Although he was adopted by white parents (the author is black), he himself admits that they rescued him from a neglectful foster home. He came home to them so neglected that his head was flat and his muscles weak. His parents nursed him back to health. He waited 9 long months for a family, and because there were no black placements available, he was adopted by a white family. ANY family is better then living in a negectful foster home. FAMILY is the most important thing! Just ask the children that age out of the foster care sytem without one, 50% end up homeless and on drugs. Yet, this author does nothing but complain about how hard it was to be black in a white family. He gives no real evidence of this, no one treated him badly, he did not have major negative experiences within his family, he just was sensitive and felt insecure. Just think how insecure and unloved he would have felt if he were never adopted. Or stayed with his birthmother who was in no condition to raise another child? His parents moved away from their families to raise their black sons in an environment that was not prejudice. They did the best that they could. But all the author felt was sorry for himself. He was insecure and was always convinced that people did not truly love or accept him, despite their actions. He blamed things like having to share the back, cold room (a room his parents made several attempts to heat and make more comfortable) with his brother because he was black. Please, my husband who was the biological son of white parents slept out in the camper when his family got too big for their home, not because he was unfavored but because he was the eldest boy! I think the author needs to get a life! And realize the blessings that he was given. There is a huge orphan crisis in the world. Millions of children are going to bed hungry with no one to kiss them goodnight. Should we allow them to suffer or should we look beyond race or culture and bring them into good homes, in which they will be loved and valued? Which is the bigger sin, to love someone unconditionally who looks different from you or to allow someone to suffer alone because they are different. This author needs to get over his insecurities and look at all the good things that he had in his life, see how others have to live, and thank his lucky stars. I for one, do not feel sorry for him.
  
  

• Jaiya John Needed a Better Editor

  
  By A3JJWH2GXLTG2I on 2005-10-11
  My husband read this book and loved it. It also prompted him to buy several jazz CDs, as well as comedy CDs of Chris Rock and Richard Pryor.
  I find this book to be self-indulgent, and more than a little repetitive. Jaiya John says the same thing in every chapter: He had a good life, with good parents, but felt disconnected from his family and friends because his race wasn't something he could talk about. This book would have been an excellent memoir, and an important piece of literature for those adopting black children, if it had been better edited.
  The poetry in this book is beautiful, and it may be worth reading just for that. Jaiya John overdoes the prose, however, continually using several adjectives, adverbs, metaphors, and similes to describe each detail of his life. A person cannot just say something, he or she "tenderly tells" or "let [words] pass through their lips." The same points are hammered page after page. Somehow, the childhood he conveys is one in which he suffered pain, shame, embarassment, and low self esteem. He writes that his brother Greg (also black) must have had the same thoughts too, but Jaiya John apparently either didn't ask him or Greg didn't want his opinions in the book. Jaiya John often speaks for other people, and we're left with an incomplete picture of his life.
  I know I'm going to take a pounding for this, but this book is not the best one about transracial adoption. Other than this man's self-pity, there are maybe a dozen salient points put forth. The rest is redundant and overdone.
  
  

• Astounding (but not for everyone)

  
  By A2M2RKADKIENCK on 2006-09-18
  First off, the man is a poet. That would explain the "overdone" prose one reviewer complained about. Before you spend your money, know what it ain't - a quick fix, a bulleted list, transracial adoption for dummies, a Dr. Phil-esque summary of the 10 things, 7 habits or 3 secrets you must know before you transracially adopt ...
  
  It is a memoir written by a man who feels very deeply, it is a man showing & sharing emotional & psychic wounds, it is a journey toward wholeness & spiritual healing. If you have never struggled or searched the deep things of your own emotional & psychic trauma, you may not "get" it.
  
  I got it. I loved it. Deep calls unto deep. I recommend this book to anyone with a mind & spirit open to receive it.
  
  

• Courageous words spoken for our children.

  
  By A2LESRQYS9XJ78 on 2003-08-14
  I am a single white mother of an adopted black daughter living in a small, predominately white, southern town. As Jaiya's life journey unfolded across the pages, I heard my daughter's voice speak to me from her crib. The words I heard were my fears that keep me awake at night. By sharing his life, Jaiya brings to light the responsibility that we (as adults who have chosen a transracial family) have to embrace, respect, love and consiously integrate the culture, origin of birth and race of our children. Thank you Jaiya for courageously speaking for our children. May their lives be blessed.
  
  
• Bitter baby all grown up
  By A2X7D7012OJN1M on 2006-07-03
  Having heard so many good things about this book, I was curious to read it and hoped that it would yield some valuable insights about raising our transracial family.
  
  Unfortunately, what I read was one man's bitter diatribe against his family and a conclusion that not only did his parents not love him well, but that he would never belong with them--a conclusion that both saddened and horrified me.
  
  I wasn't expecting for his road to be easy, but I had hoped that he would offer some more constructive, hopeful thoughts. Instead he comes across as angry and resentful.
  
  
  
• An incredible and thought provoking read
  By A2CT7REOB8VAJL on 2003-05-21
  Hands down, Black Baby White Hands, is the most prolific book that I've read on the topic of trans-racial adoption. Without condemning or judging, Jaiya John shares his perspective from a first hand experience. This book will challenge people on all sides of the issue to stop and consider things that they have yet to. And beyond just dealing with the central issue of trans-racial adoption, in recounting his experience, John also touches on other very serious issues. As a Black man who grew up in a small white town, I found my own story being told in parts of this work. No doubt, each reader will step away from this book taking something more than they were expecting. John conveys all of this powerful emotion with the most beautiful of prose, that reveal his poetic roots. This book should be required reading for all of the national policy makers who are currently attempting to decide the fate of our children in the system.
  
  
• This Truth Can Not Be Denied By White Parents
  By A19EYZMLAMXVP on 2007-01-05
  As a white sister of an African American boy adopted in 1970,a mother of two Ethiopian children and a soical woker creating multiracially families I have to say this is the most true,painful and amazing book I have read. I painfully made my way through the book for the first time truly understanding the depth of my brother's experience. Wanting to deny what Jaiya was sharing but knowing he was right. Remembering too many painful moments for my brother. However,celebrating the progress we have made and the changes I have made as a mother of black children but also agonizing over the changes we have not made.... It is now required reading for all of my families wanting to adopt across the racial lines.
  
  
• An Empowering Testimony
  By ASP0YKHUMK099 on 2005-11-26
  As an adult adoptee, I am well aware that often people accuse adoptees of being ungrateful or self-pitying whenever they dare to express that their childhood involved challenges. Black Baby White Hands makes the author's gratitude obvious even as it speaks truthfully to the blessings and challenges this child faced. This book is extremely honest. If you are a parent and wish to have a glimpse into the secret thoughts and emotions of your own child, this story is likely to give you that. If you wish to understand your OWN childhood better, this book is likely to provide you that. The author's tone is loving, full of compassion and inviting. The story is full of humor, poetry and a heartwarming conclusion. The family described here seems extremely similar to hundreds of other loving families I have known or met who adopt children and then encounter the unveiling of a private adoptive child's world that this society still poorly understands. When we adoptees tell you our stories, we are not feeling sorry for ourselves, we are trying desperately to get people to understand so that other children will benefit. This book, if read with humility, will advance greatly your understanding. And your soul will be deepened.
  
  
• What a beautiful book!
  By A233MKCH3419U6 on 2003-03-07
  The elegant cover is symbolic of a beautifully told story that it holds within its pages. This story deeply touched my heart. Living in Los Alamos, I found the descriptions of the city, surrounding areas and cultures to be simply breathe-taking. This story disclosed the inner conflicts of a child adopted into another race. Dr. Jaiya John's honest and heart -wrenching descriptions of his inner turmoil and his examination of how he was living vs. how he might have been living in his own culture was captivating. After reading this book, I found myself with a deep connection and love for the Black community. I have told strangers about this beautiful book. It is a must!
  
  
• Kudos
  By A85Y1RV79N0SP on 2002-08-14
  Dr. Jaiya John is an incredibly talented author who eloquently describes his feelings as a minority child raised in a white environment.He also conveys the importance of validation of those feelings and describes a child's struggle for self identity. There are lessons for all in this impressive testimony of struggle and fullfillment."Black Baby White Hands" has the power to change the way we perceive and validate our children.Kudos to you, Dr. John! I look forward to your next book!
  
  
• powerful!
  By on 2003-03-07
  this book is not only a great conversation starter, but offers tremendous insight into what a child feels in a situation not of his/her own doing. the impact of culture in the lives of children must be further investigated and the stories these children have to tell is well worth hearing. i HIGHLY recommend this book to anyone who is willing to think a little. Jaiya John has bright future and a powerful journey ahead of him!
  
  
• Life-Affirming ........
  By A161DEYEBXY0XL on 2003-03-10
  As a white adoptive mother of black children I felt privileged to be invited on Jaiya John's journey and I am grateful for its experience for our children's sake. As someone who loves to read I enjoyed an eloquently written memoir that reads like an intricate novel and is a courageous and graceful testimony to the necessity of honoring life's truths. I want to thank the author for his generosity and for so beautifully illustrating that the stories of race and adoption cannot be told in a vacuum.
  
  
• elevated
  By A2758IITZSR46V on 2004-02-27
  I wasn't sure when I first picked up the book if it would hold my interest, but it did quite a bit more than that.I can't imagine anyone not getting something out of this book, because it touches everyone if your heart is open and beating. I gained considerable insight on transracial adoption and the plight of the child growing up without really knowing their heritage.
  I would consider this book a "must read" by anyone.
  The author really keeps you captivated.
  
  
• Life Changing
  By A1NTDEXJTBW4OD on 2006-04-04
  I laugh. I shake my head and feel kinship. I cry and take long walks. I sigh and realize my parents didn't know how to protect me-it wasn't malice. I get why I am the way I am. 36 years of baggage is disappearing. I am so thankful that Jaiya John wrote his story and that I was lead to it. I marvel at the similarities in our circumstances that I thought only I owned. I have a new level of understanding about why I do the things I do to this day.
  
  It is such a relief to me that after all these years there is proof that I wasn't making up stories about feeling lost and alone. This book have given me a self-assurance I never had before and because of it I walk in the world differently because I know I deserve to. Conversations about my life are being spoken. I got an apology from my biological father...and felt peace. People have no idea how much this book has changed my life.
  
  
• A must for all Child Welfare practioners.
  By A32SXY8EGEX0OY on 2006-09-06
  Jaiya John's personal truth is overwhelmingly spiritual, intellectually compelling and an education for all who serve children and families. His poetry and prose evoke extraordinary archetypal images of the powerful, and often conflicting, developmental tasks of fully, truthfully defining one's self and the need to belong. As a social worker, trainer and public speaker, I often struggle to find accurate words and images underscoring the necessity of cultural identity in transracial foster and adoptive families. I am now able to better articulate the destructive nature of a 'color-blind' social environment. This is a powerfully emotional read, but one that leaves you celebrating the journey, paradoxically painful and joyous, of seeking your own truth!
  
  
• An exceptional read!
  By A1AQAZXJPVVYPB on 2002-06-18
  Black Baby White Hands is truly a treasure! Dr. John has so eloquently and generously shared with us his story of being African-American and raised by white parents. Through all the emotions that Dr. John experienced with such intensity due to this (seemingly) unusual family dynamic, what comes through on every page is the unyielding love that he and his family share with one another. Black Baby White Hands has become one of my favorite books. Though at times upsetting, this volume was both poetic and melodic in its telling and I am absolutely thrilled to have found a book that I've embraced so fully! Thank you Dr. John for your generosity!
  
  
• Engaging and Insightful
  By A1GKTXFZXO5AX6 on 2002-07-02
  Though sometimes challenging in the flow and chronology of events, Black Baby White Hands sheds light on the possible consequences of transracial adoptions to both parent and child. Even so, the redeeming factor that gives the narrative credence is the LOVE afforded the writer from his adoptive parents from the crib to the present(I think, if the relationship is ongoing). The adpotive parents taught the author how to love; hence, he could readily accept and envelope his biological family. Had he been denied unflinching love as a child, there might have been bitterness and resentment toward the biological parents for their absence in his life. The reader meets an emotional healthy person who successfully evolves from a darkness into the light of love. I better understand now why many object to transracial adoption as a viable option for African American children.
  
  
• Enlightening, Thought-provoking and Inspiring
  By A1ZJYU6M3MWSQT on 2002-08-09
  I found Jaiya John's book to be a very, very enlightening read. Beautifully written with lyrical,colorful, metaphoric descriptions of emotion, human nature, character,culture and geographic envionment. A prolific thesis on the dynamics of transracial adoption...a globally controversial issue! Having discovered his biological "roots", Dr. Jaiya soars!
  
  
• This is an extremely powerful and beautifully written book.
  By ATSOI6ZMNK0GN on 2004-07-18
  As a child welfare professional and advocate, I believe that this book can serve as a wonderful learning tool for parents seeking to adopt children of different cultures/races. All Social Workers would also greatly benefit from reading it. As a transracial adoptee, this book truly validated many of my experiences growing up in a world that was socially and emotionally challenging, and often made very little sense to me. Dr. John can serve as a role model for many because he has worked tirelessly to search for, and grow from, the meaning behind his experiences. Through his storytelling, he also shares his life with us in a manner that honors all of his family members. I highly recommend reading this book.
  
  
• Eye Opening
  By A118NFLNU8JLM2 on 2007-01-14
  I am now a White mother of a Black baby and I have learned more than I bargained for. I did expect a "how to book" but instead was blessed with this memoir. I bought the book in hopes of learning how to help my my baby to grow to be the best Black man he can be. During this book, I felt as though this could be the story of ANY adopted child OR any Black child not necessarily even both.
  
  
• Captivating!
  By AF94G48GG69Q8 on 2002-06-20
  My thirst and desire to raise a loving, strong, independent, confident black daughter in our white family nucleus lead me to your book . . . what I witnessed was a spiritual awakening as a result of your life. Never have any words more brilliantly and truthfully written, given me the sense of well being as your masterpiece. I wept throughout your book and rejoiced in the knowledge that it is only through the greatest of suffering that you can know the greatest of JOY. My heart was so captivated by your gift to shed a vast array of lights on the dynamics of interracial family life from a disadvantage, while giving dignity to all of your family."
  
  
• Self-indulgent, Negative and Repetative
  By A3OILCH541SQYA on 2008-05-17
  I was excited to read this book, but was very dissapointed and personally feel it is way overrated. The language used is supposedly "poetic", but I just found it pretentious and esoteric. More importantly, however, I feel that the author basically took his own experience as an unhappy, isolated child and searching, hyper-sensitive adult (which seemed to me to be more a function of the author's innate personality than the fact that he was transracially adopted... or at least a combination of the two) and used it to negatively represent/unfairly characterize all trans-racial adoption. It seemed to me that this author's emotional difficulties and struggles growing up would have existed even if he had been raised in a same-race home (not that they weren't exacerbated by his racially-based experiences). The impression given by the author is that he speaks for all trans-racially adopted children, and I do not think this is fair or at all accurate. There are of course some things that will apply to others, but his experience, being an unusually intense, emotional child raised in an isolated all-white environment 30 years ago, is completely different from that of a child raised in a more diverse environment in 2008. It would be fine if he simply presented the book as a personal memoir of his own specific experiences in life and left it at that. But that is certainly not the impression the book leaves... and I think it is being presented in some adoption circles as a universal reflection of the experience of any trans-racially adopted child, much to the detriment of today's trans-racial families and waiting children. I hope potential trans-racial adopters will not be so frightened by this one person's experience that they allow themselves to be discouraged from this path. As long as you are prepared to be culturally sensitive to your child, honor his heritage, and commit to making sure there are plenty of same-race role models in his life, trans-racially adopted children can indeed grow up to be healthy and happy and fully attached to their adoptive family. If you are looking for a more balanced view, two much better choices are "The Color of Water" by James McBride or "In Their Own Voices, Transracial Adoptees Tell Their Stories" by Rita Simon and Rhonda Roorda.
  
  
• A great read and a wonderful educational tool
  By A3IP42NJUSSTC4 on 2006-01-12
  If you are a book lover, you will enjoy reading this vivid, colorful storytelling. It is descriptive and dramatic, like reading a novel. But as a social worker, I also know that this book has changed the lives of many of my client-families. The author does a great job of capturing the nature of a child's emotions and thoughts, which can only shed light for all parents and those who work with children. It also makes lights go on inside your head about what it is like to be a Black child in a mostly White environment. Honest but compassionate. The child described here gains increasing appreciation for the challenges of his circumstance as he gets older. Finally, he finds great purpose in the way his life has unfolded. Jaiya John has told a very hopeful, yet eye-opening, story. I can see why so many child-serving agencies and schools have adopted this book.
  
  
• WOW! is all that I can say.
  By AF94G48GG69Q8 on 2002-06-17
  Let me first say that I am overwhelmed with the true story about Jaiya John's life. I purchased the book yesterday, and I am just about finished reading it. WOW! is all that I can say. I love it, every word.
  
  
• A child's perspective captured brilliantly
  By A1J2WKKJTP13RO on 2005-11-03
  This is a review of the revised second edition, which is shorter in length, more polished and better edited than the first edition. Black Baby White Hands is a story true to its intent: to provide the reader with an intense tunnel-vision of the experience of this child (and many children) on the journey of transracial adoption. Unlike many other memoirs, this storytelling remains focused on the thoughts and feelings of the child, rather than diluting that perspective within those of others in his life. It accomplishes a potent display of the intensity with which children experience their thoughts and emotions. The gold here lies not in the fleshing out of various characters, but in the narrative's disciplined faithfulness to the stream-of-consciousness of the child; and to the child's interpretation of the world around him. This makes the book a touching window into the nature of children, parents and families in general. The poetry throughout is frosting on the cake.
  
  
• Nothing Short of a Gift!
  By A2CL9IU97MW6S1 on 2006-03-11
  What an incredible book! The journey that Dr John illustrates so beautifully will benefit those of us who have chosen to create cross-cultural families. I am deeply grateful to him for his courage in pouring his heart and soul onto paper and sharing his experiences the world. Being an adoptee and an adoptive parent, I was moved by his story on many levels. The realm of adoption contains so many layers and he has addressed them all so wonderfully. I would recommend this book to those who would consider becoming parents through fostering or adoption. It is an honest portrayal, which calls one to think more deeply on the subject of race and the responsibilities of raising our children with honor and dignity. I also think that professionals within the field of child welfare should be required to read his book!
  
  
• Raw but true and helpful as an adoptive parent
  By A1FMQJ36I33A90 on 2007-09-03
  As the white mother of 2 black boys and a white biological son, I found this book to be extremely powerful and educational. I use it as a reference - I go back to it as they grow and change and I learn more about myself as a mother. I am called to be deeply honest about my own thoughts and feelings while trying to honor and respect the unique experiences of all my sons - from their perspectives. I highly recommend this book to anyone who is considering adoption - of any kind, but particularly transracial adoption.
  
  
• Beautifully Written
  By A1SY33JJQWBSWH on 2007-10-08
  Jaiya John shows immense courage as he gives the early details of his life's journey. His sensitivity and honesty triumph as he describes childhood illusion, confusion, and isolation. The way he tells his story, anyone can easily understand and relate to, regardless of background. The poetry throughout is brilliant. I read this book hoping to learn about the perspective of adopted children and children in foster care; I gained the perspective and insight I was seeking, but received much more in the reading of this memoir. I am grateful for the opportunity, and encourage others to experience this compelling story.
  
  
• A Fan
  By A45HHW0TITHJ9 on 2003-01-29
  The book was knowledge to my ears. The author put alot of time in this book making this book readable, likeable, graceful, and joyful. This book hits home with me an opening up my eyes as far as, viewing life a little differently. I give thanks to him. I give him 10 stars for being brave to tell a strong powerful peace. Please keep up the good job. Looking forward for your next book.
  
  

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