Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves: Transforming Parent-child Relationships from Reaction And Struggle to Freedom, Power And Joy Reviews

• Our world needs this book - QUICK!

  
  By A1DS1KUUGEPW80 on 2007-03-05
  I agree with most of the 5-star reviews here. This is the best parenting book I've found - a great leap from the many modern parenting books out there. In fact, I'd say it is the only parenting book you will ever need! Like another reviewer, I am ordering many copies and actively distributing to all the parents I know.
  
  Finally, a book that spells out with crystal clarity that yes, you can respect and trust your children fully, and love them unconditionally, without any "ifs" and "buts".
  
  Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves provides the tools for being always kind and loving in our day-to-day interactions with our children, and illustrates the guidance via eloquent real-life examples. These tools are easy to remember and put to practice, and they actually work. This book has transformed my relationship with my 10-month old, giving me permission to fully love her the way I always felt - without holding back ANYTHING! Quite a liberating shift. The guidance carries all the way from infancy through the teen years, and I am so grateful that I stumbled upon it while she is still little!
  
  The transformative effect of the book goes way beyond parenting, as both the title, and the subtitle proposed by James Prescott on the cover ('Saving the emotional lives of our children and the future of humanity'), suggest. It lays out a readily available path to self-healing and self-realization through our relationship with our children (as well as with other people): simply by starting to examine how we respond to others a little more closely. Imho, this is one of the most important books ever written, period.
  
  I have a wish. I grew up in Europe (France) and, really, I CANNOT WAIT to see the book available there as well, in other languages, and start infusing its wisdom and compassion overseas. Any publisher out there interested in making a difference? Call Naomi today, you'll do yourself and the world a favor. Our world needs this book. QUICK!
  
  

• This book solved my problems with my difficult child

  
  By A7W8WQHY3SPG0 on 2006-10-07
  I have a young child who tends to get very aggressive when trying to tell me that his needs aren't being met. Until recently, he never listened to anything I asked of him. I was at my wits end. I'd tried everything. Things only got worse.
  
  Then I found the answer that unlocked the mystery behind my child's behavior in Aldort's book, "Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves." It changed my relationship with my son the day I started following her recommendations. As I learned from the book (verified by my experience) it won't do any good to punish a child's behavior; it fact, it will only make it worse. There's an underlying reason for his behavior, and until I address it in an understanding and kind way, it will continue. Now I understand why he was acting the way he was and, more importantly, how I was causing it without even knowing it. Once I understood him, I could concentrate on solving the larger problem rather than correcting (punishing) the behavior.
  
  Ever since I changed the way I interact with and speak to my child (according to Aldort's recommendations), my relationship with him has been transformed and, no surprise, he hasn't been aggressive at all. The book has given me tools of love and connection in all areas of parenting. I can't recommend this book highly enough. Buy one for yourself and one for all of your friends.
  
  
  

• going to be a classic in respectful parenting!

  
  By A2DRDA1V307MYW on 2006-01-20
  Naomi Aldort finally has a book! Yay! I have been sending people to her site http://naomialdort.com/index.htm to read her articles for years now, and I long to attend a family retreat with her someday.
  
  

• Love Naomi, disappointed in the book

  
  By A2CA6GASQI4YLW on 2006-03-08
  I loved Naomi Aldort's ***tapes*** and would recommend them with 5 stars!!!! I think that the tapes "Trusting Our Children, Trusting Ourselves" was earthshaking, life-altering, and nothing short of absolutely unbelievable. I was so excited for the book to come out, but was sorely disappointed. I feel that if the book is given to someone who is a new parent, and not familiar with any positive discipline or AP techniques, they would think that the book had no substance on which to base the her opinions.
  
  In my opinion, she is a great speaker, therapist and mother; but just not a good writer. I have consulted with her on parenting issues, and have been purely impressed with her insight and advice. You can go to her website Naomialdort.com, and schedule a phone consultation. She is excellent.
  
  I have been reading about 1 parenting book a week, for the last 3 years. I just did not have that "wow" factor with Naomi's book. However, if you want good books to read that have more "science" to back up the advice, I would recommend:
  
  )Teaching your Children Self-Respect by Thomas Gordon
  (another poster had eluded to this author with PET, Parent Effectiveness Training)
  Thomas Gordon is referred to by many other authors, including Alfie Kohn
  
  2) Between Parent and Child by Haim Ginott
  Short, consise and packed with information that you will use for toddlers to teenagers. A big sigh of "oh, I can really parent and be nice". Excellent book
  
  3) Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn
  You won't want to put it down. It really is thought provoking. He refers to Haim Ginott and Thomas Gordon. If you start with this book, you will want to read the other two, because you will feel like you want to hear and learn more.
  
  4) Playful Parenting by Lawrence Cohen
  An absolute must for all parents of toddlers. Awesome! It makes parenting easier and more fun.....and it works.
  
  If you read those 4 books, and listen to Naomi's tapes (and consult her when needed), you will be set for parenthood. I guarantee it!
  
  
  

• If I recommended only one parenting book....

  
  By A3BFTKCI56WVL5 on 2007-04-12
  This book is wonderful! Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful. I want to recommend this to every parent I know, and some who aren't.
  
  It is validating not only what I've been doing as a parent, but also what I secretly want to be doing, but am not sure about. I also struggle at times with compromising my commitment to my child to avoid losing approval from my parents. I feel totally clear now about not making that trade-off ever again.
  
  And it's validating so, so many experiences and feelings I had as a child... Helping me have huge clarity around what I need for my healing process as an adult (just reading has felt immensely healing), and clarity around how to better respect and honor my husband in our marriage
  
  This is EXACTLY the information I was looking for.
  
  Thank you so much, Naomi Aldort
  
  
• Finally!! What parents have been waiting for!!!
  By A2HX20VLUP7HZB on 2006-03-09
  If you want to learn to love your child unconditionally and never need to resort to threats, bribes, timeout or punishment, don't miss this amazing book. If you still think that the only way to have great kids is to use controlling tools, then read other books first (Your competent Child, Parenting from the Heart, The Natural Child,) or subscribe to Mothering magazine and learn why all methods of control, no matter how gentle, create bad behaviors and serious emotional difficulties.
  Naomi Aldort doesn't bother to explain or prove in length why love works so much better than timeout and coercion. She assumes the reader wants to be kind and loving and gives complete and clear guidance on how to get there. Read it. You will bless the day that you did.
  The book covers all ages from infants through teens with demonstrations from real families and real interactions between parents and children of all ages. It teaches how to understand your child's behavior so you know what to do, and how to avoid the trap of your own emotional reaction, so you can be kind and effective. This book is life transforming for both parent and child.
  If you are ready to relinquish controlling for the sake of love and deep connection with your child/ren, read this book.
  
  
• Raising our Children, raising Ourselves
  By ADR9I7WG4U8NF on 2006-02-21
  I have ordered 14 copies of this book to give away to friends (parents), teachers, schools and the local library. Naomi Aldort's book is a blessing to this world! I know it works because I have followed her advice in raising my daughters and found it to be the best; the results are inspiring.
  In Rasing Our Children, Rasing Ourselves we learn to look at ourselves before we judge our children's behavior, and gain freedom from our own reactions, so we can give unconditional love to the children (and ourselves).
  Naomi Aldort opens our eyes to what children really feel, how they think and what kind of emotions are expressed through their behavior. She gives us the tools to truly transform parent-child relationships into ones that are liberated, deep and authentic.
  In her book Naomi draws from a wealth of experience with families who have seeked her advice. Examples of conversations and situations with children make the reading and learning compelling and drive the point she is making home even better.
  Any parent should read this book as well as those who intend to become parents. I wish I had read this book before I became pregnant with my first.
  
  
• BECOME THE PARENT YOU WISH TO BE
  By A2X74IJ78A8K6J on 2006-07-06
  Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves is unlike other parenting books and much more effective. I have read good advice before, but couldn't change my habits. This book gives the tools of personal growth that make it possible to be the loving mother that I really want to be. This is not esoteric philosophizing; it is useful advice with a five-step approach that is eminently doable. Each step is illustrated with story after story about parents who discover, or rediscover, the power of love as they replace controlling parenting techniques with gentle nurturing.
  
  In applying Ms. Aldort's suggestions myself, I have found that my listening and communication skills are improving and I am definitely more mindful, more empathetic, and more flexible as a parent. Happily, my children have noticed this change and, even more happily, have emulated it in their relationships with each other, with their father, with me, and with friends. A little positive parenting goes a long way!!
  
  Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves is a must-read, must-have book for parents who are trying to break a personal or cultural cycle of authoritarianism and start becoming the mothers and fathers they wish to be.
  
  
• A Wonderful Resource for Parents and Nonparents Alike
  By A13J5YF45K0CVK on 2006-12-31
  I'm not a parent, and I bought this book for the second half of the title. The book was recommended reading by an organization devoted to educating people about nonviolence, and nonviolent parenting methods. I found the book to be very valuable reading, and something I will refer back to. From the first description of dealing with an upset child (a girl aged 4 who is crying on the floor of a grocery store) to the section on power plays and how to allow/receive them, I recognized that I can utilize the guidance in this book as a way of dealing with things that come up in work situations, and in any relationships. I can practice inwardly on myself, and change how I respond in any situation, to any stimulus. This doesn't mean not honoring my true responses, but rather, finding what they are underneath the mind chatter, and automatic pilot option(s). This book picks up where something like The Power of Now leaves off. When you're caught in the grip of your own mind in an interaction, or all by yourself, this book offers workable steps to apply "on the job" as it were. It can help ease that gripping and allow there to be more space, and more loving options available.
  
  
• I'm buying it for every parent I know
  By A1VBFUYLE6QBIR on 2007-09-10
  I recently read "Raising our Children, Raising Ourselves"
  and I have to say that it is an amazing book and one that has created a
  fundamental shift in how I approach my relationship with my children. I
  have always been an advocate for gentle and respectful parenting, but this
  book has offered me "mental" tools to examine my own internal world and
  reactions to my children, and frankly, my spouse. I've passed it along to
  several friends and they feel the same.
  
  
• I laughed and cried and healed...Excellent Book!!
  By A1BZRTR5PIIHHU on 2006-03-16
  There was a time when people thought the earth was flat...this theory no longer applies. There was a time when struggling with children was the norm. This theory also no longer applies. Naomi's book is a challenge to old thinking and old theories that just don't fit when love and compassion are present.
  
  I laughed and cried and healed as a result of reading this book and I recommend it to all parents. It is truly about changing your mind and simply finding that when love comes straight from the heart, children flourish as a result.
  The book is filled with user-friendly ideas and strategies that relate to real life situations of children of all ages. Get this book you will be so happy
  you did!
  
  
  
• Brilliant
  By A1AWGA3SPP64VM on 2007-01-10
  If you read only one book about parenting, this is the book to read. It is fantastic, empowering and compassionate. If you liked the Continuum Concept, this book presents the same ideas but within a Western Society framework. It is well written with lots of examples. I will read this book several times to make sure this wonderful information sinks in fully.
  
  
• Every Parent NEEDS This Book
  By AZALZQMSTZ8C1 on 2006-02-11
  When it comes to parenting, Naomi Aldort "gets it". If every parent raised their child in accordance with this book, the world would be a far better place. "Raising Our Children" is this generation's "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen". And, its better. Every parent NEEDS this book.
  
  ~ Nick Kanieff, Personal Coach and Parent
  
  
• The Best Parenting Book Yet
  By A3BPWMVK8LUSP8 on 2006-01-26
  Naomi Aldort has been an advocate of respecting and trusting children for the past 15 years. As a parenting counselor and writer, she has made an amazing contribution to the natural parenting community and now with her new book, Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves, she effectively reaches out to all parents. With a deep understanding of the lives of children and a profound interest in helping parents be the parents they want to be - without struggle, without pain - but with freedom, love and joy, Naomi delivers a masterpiece that will serve as the most important resource for parents of this new millennium.
  
  If you are interested in learning a way of parenting that is rooted in trust, respect and moving beyond the painful beliefs about parenting that keep you stuck in frustration, anger and regret, this book is for you. The dialogues are rich, fun and instructive, and Naomi's explanation of how we can question our thoughts in order to gain a deeper understanding of our true nature, is certainly worth more than the price of this book!
  
  Give it to your friends, to your parents and to anyone who desires a joyful family life. Give yourself and your children the gift of "transforming your own parent-child relationship from reaction and struggle to FREEDOM, POWER and JOY!"
  
  Enjoy the read folks and enjoy your new life with yourself and your children!!
  
  
• Read the whole thing! Don't give up!
  By A1H6UYEU28GPM7 on 2007-01-22
  I'll admit that I found some of the predictions of negative behavior if you don't meet your child's needs a bit annoying, and I wanted some research to back that up (okay, some of them are obvious, but at times, I wondered if she was trying to scare me into trying the technique!).
  
  As a mother of four (two of them twins) the *apparent* time, energy, attention, and focus required to do some of these steps seemed laughable.
  
  And I thought in the early chapters she was advocating bending over backwards all the time to 'fix' every situation, or that she had no answers for when one child's needs were in direct conflict with another's.
  
  But don't stop reading. I wanted to chuck the book out the window a few times in disgust, but I don't give up easily. (Maybe this has to do with another reviewer's issues with writing ability?)
  
  I'm glad I didn't give up. It takes a less time to do it her way than it takes to handle a power struggle, followed with another power struggle, followed with grief, rage, etc., etc., etc. Much faster to just pay attention, get my own tantrum or issues out of the way mentally, and listen, validate, etc., through the steps. WAY faster to do it this way. Even with four kids, even with twins, even when the problem for one child is that the other child is being themselves.
  
  I also admit I winced at what sounds like 'prettied up' examples, with kids responding so clearly and perfectly to the method. But sure enough, my kids start sounding like that, down to playing out almost word-for-word the 'throwing bike' scenario (drawing up a previous hurt).
  
  I'll caveat that with my second child, this approach would not have worked until we resolved the extreme explosive/inflexible behavior issue (Read: The Explosive Child). But once we had identified and resolved the medical issues, gently and clearly taught him how to de-escalate his mood, and he was open to collaborative problem solving with us, I found that Naomi's book walks us back into 'very sane' parenting.
  
  So even if you get irked easily at parenting books, take my advice - read the whole thing, and give it a try. It works.
  
  
• nice insight, but a bit lousy
  By A1VK1AX45XEBM2 on 2008-05-25
  Although I like Naomi Aldort's approach and techniques , I think that this book is not for everyone.
  I agree that most parents should let go of their will of control over their children's behavior, and try to connect with them more on an emotional level. I also agree that bribes, punishments, time-outs and such methods are best avoided and do not work in the long run ( with my 3 y old they never worked even as short-term solutions).
  But since parents are in charge, they sometimes need to take action in a firm and loving way. This book does NOT provide tools to figure out this proper way to deal with everyday issues.
  It just points vaguely to the need to provide a strong leadership.
  Perhaps for some enlightened people, like Naomi actually appears to be, there is no need for further explanation. Most parents would appreciate it though, including myself, who have always been a wishy-washy kind of parent.
  Furthermore, I find Aldort's style a bit lousy and not very empathetic towards parents, despite her best intentions. While reading, I often found myself thinking " Gee, I'd really like to be like her" . But I'm not. So what?
  Her approach stems out of her unique way to be an exceptionally nurturing, loving person rather than being a technique that everyone can learn ad apply.
  It must be said that the books offers a very important tool with the S.A.L.V.E. technique which helps the parent to accept children the way they are, and validate their feelings. This is the most valuable part.
  I have found a similar, yet much more useful and powerful approach in "Playful Parenting" by dr.L Cohen. "Playful Parenting" is a very nice book that helps you reconnecting with children and meeting their needs without giving up 100% on cooperation ( While I agree that power struggles are best avoided, Aldort seems to consider the parental wish of kid cooperation just a sneaky form of control, and gives the parent full responsibility in cleaning up after children).
  Another thing I do not like about this book is that it treats children like little adults. Aldort condemns praise and expectations, but after trying the "praise avoidance" for a couple of months, I have realized that my daughter actually needs and craves my approval and my cheers. I think we all need some praise from close people who loves us and which we love. Maybe there are some people (m including Naomi) who are so grounded and self-confident not to need praise anymore, what can I say? I'm not amongst them.
  I recommend this book to already "good" and balanced parents who want to fine-tune their skills. I would also recommend it to parents that have shy, introverted children. Anyone can give it a read, but most parents will not be ready to go for Naomi's method without some additional skills to help them "offer guidance" to the children going completely wild! This is especially true for parents of strong-willed little people, who will benefit from coupling this book with another book focusing on EFFECTIVE parenting skills and tips.
  
  
  
• Naomi Aldort 's book raises parenting through connection to the level of mastery
  By A2S6INZJ272ANQ on 2006-06-13
  If you want to raise children who feel loved, accepted, and respected, and you want to feel loved, accepted, and respected by your children, read Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves.
  
  As a parent, a grandparent, a parent educator, and the author of Connection Parenting, I am thrilled with Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves. Naomi Aldort is a master teacher. Through inspiring stories and her brilliant examples of parenting through connection, Naomi shows us how to stop reacting to children's feelings and behavior with words and actions we later regret, and teaches us how to provide loving guidance and strong leadership instead.
  
  I was so excited when I read Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves I contacted Naomi and asked her if I could send her my book. Naomi and I didn't know each other, or each other's work, until we read each other's books. Now that we have, we agree that our books compliment each other perfectly.
  
  Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves raises parenting through connection to the level of mastery. I am recommending it as the perfect companion to Connection Parenting in all my parenting talks and classes. Thank you Naomi Aldort. Everyday I use something I learned from your book.
  
  
• Loving Children As They Are: Brilliant Book!
  By A1IAMG6C3ZP0XT on 2006-04-10
  I first learned about Naomi Aldort when I read an article by her in Life Learning Magazine. It was an article on how to talk to children about death. It was brilliant, and I feel that her new book Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves is also brilliant.
  
  The title is perfect, because it's so much about raising ourselves to the next level: re-parenting ourselves, and in the process, freeing ourselves to love our children as they are. To help enhance your learning even more, buy Aldort's book together with Loving What Is by Byron Katie.
  
  But by all means, run, don't walk to Amazon and get Naomi Aldort's life-transforming book! (And then buy copies for all your friends with children!)
  
  
• Eye Opening
  By A3KELPWVU0MBKU on 2008-01-28
  This book gave me a new perspective on parenting. I don't say that lightly. I was raised to see punnishment and bribery as an intergal part of raising children. This booked freed me from needing to follow in an old pattern that, quite frankly, did not work for any of the families that I know. I feel blessed that I read a book like this while my son is still so young. It really gave me the opportunity to step back and re-evaluate my own biases in a way that not many books do.
  
  
• Fantastic book on parenting from the heart
  By A2T531HU95QBDQ on 2007-11-17
  If you're looking for a book to help you parent more compassionately and to help you raise healthy, happy, well-adjusted children - then this book is most certainly for you. Highly recommended, thank you Naomi.
  
  
• Essential reading for all parents
  By AUG75AL00XZ1D on 2008-04-21
  For any parent who wants to break the controlling style of discipline that creates so many problems and weakens relationships. Naomi suggests such a refreshingly simple way of keeping a loving connection with children through communication. Highly recommended.
  
  
• raising our children raising ourselves
  By A22MKQ76JEMX1G on 2006-01-30
  If you want to get a grip on your relationship with your children, then get
  a grip on yourself. This
  is the 'raising ourselves' part that is too readily omitted in current day
  parenting advice. It's a call
  to maturity for the adult in the relationship- a call to search for truth
  behind knee-jerk reactions and
  triggers in struggle- filled parenting. Departing radically from rehashed
  fare that leaves you with a bitter taste, Aldort's new book is a shining
  light to the many who long for a better way to raise kids but haven't
  figured out just how to go about it. Aldort helps us reach our 'true
  authentic selves'; the self that is needed for joyful relationship to take
  place.
  
  
  
• Like any other good parenting book...
  By AQIMY3VU593GG on 2007-08-31
  ...you take what is reasonable for you and your family and discard the stuff that is not. It flows along the lines of attachment parenting, Easy to Love; Difficult to Discipline type of thinking. I found many parts useful and enlightening AND there were parts where I found myself thinking "do what??" So, as with everything else; use it as a guideline, not a bible.
  
  
• this book will change your life... for the better!
  By A2BKXUZBDU6YYQ on 2008-05-30
  This book has been one of the most transformative things i have read in my parenting journey. i am so inspired by naomi aldort's words and the way she guides you in your journey. i have found the book has had significant impact upon my life as a parent, and as a wife! my kids are happier and i am so much more connected to them.
  
  i am not perfect as a parent but i feel naomi aldort affirms me on my journey and meets anyone who picks up her book exactly where they are at. there is no condemnation for anyone in the pages of this book, just love, acceptance and guidance. how refreshing and life giving!
  
  i wish you many life changing moments as you read this book.
  
  bea marshall
  
  ps. her website is brill too [...]
  
  
• Excellent Book
  By AJQT99LSTQ3SV on 2007-03-08
  Very good book with focus on communication and relationship which nurturing child personality and dignity. Almost al "theoretical" explanations are provided with some examples. The underlined logic present in explanations are so acceptable.
  
  I'm indeed interested in Montessori education. On some Montessori forum recommended this book. It's really very, very god book!
  
  
  

• Playful Parenting
• Connection Parenting: Parenting Through Connection Instead of Coercion, Through Love Instead of Fear, 2nd Edition
• Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason
• Between Parent and Child: The Bestselling Classic That Revolutionized Parent-Child Communication
• Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers