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Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knewx$8.78
  (105 reviews)
Best Price: $8.78
Framed with both humor and compassion, the book defines the top ten characteristics that illuminate the minds and hearts of children with autism. Ellen's personal experiences as a parent, an autism columnist, and a contributor to numerous parenting magazines coalesce to create a guide for all who come in contact with a child on the autism spectrum.
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Customer Reviews
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Ten Things - Your Choices Make All the Difference In Your Child's Life
By A3Q57BJMTHS5Z1 on 2005-10-28
Ellen Notbohm's Ten Things Every Child With Autism Wishes You Knew, an extension of her article "What Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew" speaks to children's wishes and the choices parents can make to honor them. Its soul triggered in me a CliffNotes' synopsis of Aristotle's contention that "choice (as determined by deliberation) is concerned with means to an end. Wish is concerned with the end."*
And so begins Ten Things, with the first wish of a child - that he or she be known by one word, and one word only - "child," and not squelched by the label "autistic child." It ends with the child's final wish - that he receive unconditional love and acceptance. The remaining eight wishes tucked in between provide insight into the tools (via choices parents can make) that will honor, empower and respect their precious children and make all their wishes come true.
Ten Things zeros in on the importance of sensory issues and thoroughly explains their direct link to a child's behavior. Ellen reminds parents that "seemingly inexplicable behavior ... all have a sensory cause ... No matter how unprovoked, how random it may appear, behavior never comes out of nowhere." She guides parents through reformatting their own beliefs and suggests ways to identify and work with the child's sensory structure.
Ten Things addresses those infamous "meltdowns," explains the four trigger clusters, and offers suggestions on how to identify their underlying causes. Ellen acknowledges that it's hard work for parents to actively seek out reasons for those meltdowns rather than chalk them up to an out of control child that could do better if he wanted to. By her own diligence, and with the help of qualified professionals, meltdowns are a rare happening in her home now.
Ten Things reminds us that our children are concrete and visual thinkers and they interpret language literally. Ellen explains why idioms don't work and how we can train ourselves to speak concretely and say what we mean to help our child understand since any communication that doesn't make sense to a child simply won't get through. Without helping him develop a functional way to communicate his needs, fears and wants, they will take any shape they want, which means they'll generally manifest in the form of behavior.
Ten Things provides techniques to construct a visual strategy to help a child to navigate his day, which will quite naturally and over time contribute to improved social interactions and the creation of a solid self esteem, the foundation for social functioning. And for the child's sake, Ellen implores parents to remember and believe that he's trying the best he can with his limited abilities and social understanding. Any other belief system will short circuit the route for him to become a functioning citizen in our world.
That said, and in the spirit of Aristotle, Ellen makes it clear that we as parents and teachers and caregivers are the means to our child's end.
Without doubt, the word 'autism' strikes fear in the hearts of parents, and Ellen makes no bones about it. She speaks candidly about her own initial grief and despair when her son was diagnosed - those instantaneous images of her child locked inside his own head, never able to interact properly with the world and become self-sufficient.
Those thoughts and perceptions became the energy behind her "can-do" attitude, her intensive and pro-active approach, and her battle plan against a self-fulfilling prophecy of hopelessness for her little boy. She recognized the potential within him; a potential present in all children waiting to be noticed and built upon, and not just fixed. It didn't take long for her to realize that she would not change her son, even if she could. "I wouldn't have him be anything other than exactly what he was ..."
A child's wish of unconditional love - granted.
Ten Things champions the cause of helping families discover their strengths. It validates everybody's capabilities and possibilities. It addresses early confrontations with "can't do" and redirects the focus onto what children "can do." It offers a roadmap for avoiding what Ellen calls the "swamp of unmet expectations," the place where a child's "potential goes to die if parents don't detach their personal aspirations from their child's."
Ten Things is all about parental choices:
choosing between negative and positive thinking (he won't do versus he can't do);
choosing to live in the dark rather than the light (frustration versus empowerment and patience);
choosing to limit themselves and their child by trying to bend him to their will by forced compliance rather than focusing on his gradual acclimation to the mysterious nuances of daily life that create havoc in his world;
choosing to move beyond the bitterness, grief and disappointment that they didn't "get the child they were supposed to get," and open their minds to becoming the parents they have been called to become.
choosing a rewarding direction for their life, their child's life, their family's life.
Read Ten Things. Absorb it. Then read it again and again. Learn from it. Trust it. Find your strength. Choose well for your child. Make all his wishes come true.
*Online CliffNotes for Aristotle's Essays on Ethics.
A Much Needed Book
By A16BYTYYTW80R8 on 2006-05-30
I have read through dozens of books pertaining to Autism and within this one book I found more useful information than anywhere else. This book is not just for parents and therapists, but also for family members adjusting to life with a child who has Autism. It helps you get inside the head of a child with Autism, and understand the struggles and pain these children face every single day.
The ten things the author lays out are simple, but essential in understanding and helping the child. She provides examples in terms that people without Autism can relate to in order to better understand certain behaviors. The recovery process is different for every child, but the information in this book will without a doubt help any family get on the road. Open your heart and read this book to really understand.
Ten Reasons to Buy This Book
By AIEEK7AHXKZCC on 2007-06-07
This stellar book provides a logical list of ten basic precepts that every person, child or adult with autism would like for the neurotypical (NT) world to know.
People, children in particular are people first, not "autistic child, autistic person." Autism is a shorthand label for specific behaviors that are rooted in neurobiology. In short, autism is a sensori-neurobiological condition.
The main theme and the common thread that links the ten items on this "wish list" of sorts is extending basic human courtesy to people with autism. Readers will be provided ways in order to help honor the rights, dignity and best interests of people with autism. Parents and educators in particular will take this book to heart.
This author translates seemingly bizarre behavior to the neurotypical world. All behavior has a sensory base. Many people with autism have hyperacute hearing. Show me someone with autism who doesn't hate loud noises and I'll show you a singing Boston bulldog who can tap dance as well. All sensory modes are heightened in people who have autism. Smells are stronger; certain materials are unbearable to the touch and in some cases painful; tastes are very strong; the sight of certain things can elicit strong reactions that are either very positive or very negative. I knew people with autism who hated blinking lights and retreat or cover their eyes when in the presence of a light that blinked on and off.
Beatle fans with autism are a very interesting group indeed. The mere sight of a Beatle picture brings strong positive reactions; the Beatles' music triggers a series of highly positive responses as well.
This brilliant book demystifies meltdowns and identifies triggers. In cowboy parlance, this book will help you head them off at the pass. If you can't, you learn when to get out of Dodge fast. As difficult as the process is, it is always worth it and for children in particular, meltdowns are the result of being pushed past a certain point. It's like the 1968 George Harrison classic, "It's All Too Much." That song describes the Overload Experience quite well. "It's all too much for me to see..it's all too much for me to take..."
Some excellent prompts, cues and guides are provided to help children navigate throughout their day. Show me a person with autism who DOESN'T hate surprises/having things sprung on them and I'll show you that same singing Boston bulldog. Echoes of Carol Gray can be heard here; she is famous for her social stories and having children draw social comics to help script and anticipate certain social interactions. This gifted author helps people to see autism in a more accepting light by explaining the behaviors; providing tools of empowerment and keeping the tone of acceptance throughout the book.
This wonderful book makes me think of the 1978 Billy Joel song, "Just the Way You Are." I like the way she says that is an important message to convey to children on the spectrum - we like and love them just the way they are and the goal is to help them have happy, full productive lives and good social interactions and develop confidence.
This book is a giant step towards accomplishing all that and then some.
This is a must read for all involved in the care of children diagnosed with ASD!
By A13FN6ZMRLW9SW on 2005-11-17
This is by far the best resource for learning to understand and work with a child diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder. I am a pediatric occupational therapist and I have worked with children on this spectrum for over 23 years. I also have a 5 year old son diagnosed with ASD. I have read many books and attended many conferences on this disorder and this book truly illuminates the core issues of these children. Ms. Notbohm describes the important issues in a clear and easy to understand way and provides examples and practical ideas to help deal with these issues. This book has the potential to change the lives of these children and their caregivers as it will increase understanding-with understanding comes acceptance and with acceptance these children can blossom and show the amazing gifts they have locked inside.
This book should be required reading of any student who will be involved in the care of these children and it should definitely be on the nightstand of every parent, caregiver, teacher, aide, bus driver, administrator, etc. of these children!
David's Mom-Mom written by Carol De Maio
By AZJIG8PU8AXO3 on 2005-10-31
I read the book with fervor and anticipation of chapter 9, realizing more and more that everything makes sense. As a grandmother and legal guardian of a 6-year-old boy with autism, I now have a clearer understanding of my little guy and the reasons things set him off (meltdowns), his hearing sensitivities and his frustration when it comes to vocalizing his needs...everything comes together.
I learned that giving in to his moods or sometimes demanding requests is not going to spoil him nor is he a brat, something I knew but suspect others may have thought! Shame on them, eh? Now I can attempt to figure out exactly what he is trying to express and what is bothering him. A tough job, but not an impossible one.
Ellen, how about a compact book with the same contents for young siblings to read?
I will hi-light, mark, re-read and read certain parts of the book to my husband and to other that touch David's life.
This book will be kept in reach.
Carol De Maio
- Ten People Every Child With Autism Wishes You'd Buy This Book For...
By AGOGJNB6336Q0 on 2005-11-12
Buy this book for everyone who interacts with your child, including moms, dads, grandparents, brothers, sisters, friends, teachers/special education service providers, babysitters, pediatricians, and the next person you meet whose child is newly diagnosed with ASD...
This is the book I wish I'd had when our son was diagnosed with ASD years ago. I am on my second reading... There is so much info packed in there -- I laughed and cried, and mostly didn't want the book to end. An important book that will make a positive difference in the lives of people living with autism.
- Can I say "10" Stars PLEASE!!!
By A7AZWDB5UG4RC on 2007-02-01
This is THE MOST IMPORTANT BOOK FOR ANYONE TO READ IF THEY KNOW SOMEONE WITH AUTISM. I give this book my HIGHEST recommendation. My child was diagnosed at the age of 19 months and we have been living in that world for 3 1/2 years. In an attempt to try to find ways to FEEL how she FEELS and THINK how she THINKS, this book really hits the mark!
This book is truly amazing and has helped me understand what my child's needs are. I work to empathize with her on all levels to create educational items for her and other children with Autism. My name is Laura Behrendt and I have a website www.AutismShopper.com where I have made available items that have successfully helped my child and other children with Autism.
Understanding your child's mind is the most important tool for helping them. I give this book to any relative that really wants to understand and support her.
- For Everyone Who Knows Or Loves Someone With ASD
By A2TU7XKV1VE552 on 2006-03-23
Absolutely Fabulous Book! Condenses what I've learned over the past 2 years with my son into one well written book. It also is a springboard for what I still need to learn and a gauge for how well I am relating to my own little angel with ASD. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE read this book!!! I'm a family doc, but the world of autism was still quite new to me when I found out about my son. This book gave me knowledge, energy, hope, love, inpiration...I can't say enough for it.
- Another "PC" autism book
By A12TOO7EJLMI35 on 2007-07-04
This is another lovey-dovey "autism has its good points", parent only has one other child so has no idea of the struggles of trying to fit a child with autism into a larger family, any physical discipline is abuse, sensory issues are 99% of the answer book. No one with any ideas even leaning towards more traditional child rearing will feel comfortable with this book. No one who hasn't already came to a place of acceptance is going to find any help here.
Autism sucks. Children with autism are capable of misbehavior. I cannot wait for autism writers and advocates to get out of the politically correct, pseudoscience world so we can actually get some progress towards making effective therapy available for our children.
- Wow!
By A3I1HVOA1BTQK2 on 2006-02-22
What an excellent book, this gives wonderful insight into the everyday issue's that we sometimes forget an autistic child deals with. I am a care-giver for a child with autism, after reading this book I made a point of getting her family to read it too. You can never know too much about Autism. I know I will be reading this book again in the near future!
- Where was this 10 years ago????
By A10JJHUKPLPMQX on 2006-03-17
I found this book to be wonderful! As a mother of a 13 year old boy with Autism and a public school elementary teacher; I found the information well written and offered an insight into the world of children with Autism! I highly recommend this book and have been passing on my copy to everyone who cares about my son!
- Wonderful for those who need positive outlook
By A3L21KTXPWQ2ZB on 2006-06-28
I bought this book because of the other reviews, so I thought I would add my "2 cents". Even though I had already read other material that gave me a basic understanding of autism, this book takes the clinical aspect out and puts the human aspect in. My husband, who does not prefer to read about autism because of the negative focus of most material, actually read and enjoyed this book and I can tell that it helped to increase his understanding of our son's needs. This is a must-have for those who have family members that "don't get" your loved one with autism and why they do the things they do. Excellent.
- Disappointing
By A4LWMMPXIHC84 on 2007-04-07
I was disappointed with this book. This book was described as "every teacher should read". I thought it would be written from an autistic child's point of view. It isn't. The list of 10 (in the first few pages) was helpful as was the chapter on visual organization. Other than that the book was told from a mother's view and was very preach-y at points. Most of the "advice" listed was general, common sense you should use with any child. There is a whole section devoted to "no spanking". This section wasn't even connected to autism. It just came off as a soap box routine. There were very few helpful hints. Even the section on "visual" organization was devoid of diagrams and pictures. I got more info out of The Curious Incident of the Dog at Night.
- A must read that will change your child's life
By A1YI5A64EBQH2T on 2006-07-07
I can't say enough about this book. I have made it required reading in my family. My son's Grandpa is showing definite signs of having read it! It's a quick, easy read and chock full of amazing information. I especially love the analogy of imagining yourself trying to do your job while riding a rollercoaster: That's what sensory issues can be like daily for a child w/ autism. If you read any book this year, make it this one. Then hand it over to anyone and everyone your child has contact with. Then ask them for it back and read it again.
- Excellent
By A1IA43SEB0NJKZ on 2006-03-18
This book really changes the way people see autism. It gives you an insight of the autistic brain! :-) Very helpful
- A friend who understands better now
By A1HSL6P7HZA98S on 2006-06-14
The "My Sensory Perceptions are Disordered' chapter certainly helped me to understand the "Why" behind so many of my friends actions. I couldn't understand why his reactions to certain stimuli was so different than my own. I couldn't grasp why some of the activities that I enjoyed (going shopping, to the movies, etc.) seemed to agitate him greatly. Now I understand that he is hypersensitive and what is enjoyable for me is sometimes even painful for him. After having read this book in conjunction with one entitled "Asperger Syndrome and Sensory Issues" I feel like I can be a better friend and be more considerate of his feelings. Thanks!!
- A Must Read for Anyone Affected by Autism!
By A32V2TI54AILPY on 2006-07-31
This wonderful book explains in "down-to-earth" language what every child with autism wishes you knew. I learned so much while reading this book that I decided to give copies to everyone in our family. My 2-year old grandson is autistic and this book helped me to understand what he is feeling. As soon as I finished reading this book by Ellen Notbohm, I started reading "1001 Things. . . " also written by this author. You'll be glad you read this book.
- You really need to purchase this one!
By A2QZ1PXV5TZIF9 on 2006-06-28
I could not put this one down. The Autism Spectrum is so diverse and difficult to understand. This book allows one to get into the mind of a child with Autism and get a grasp on how he/she perceives the world around them. Things we say and do on a regular basis, are perceived very differently to someone with Autism for a variety of reasons which this book covers. Activities that we may enjoy, sometimes, are simply too much, even nausiating at times for someone with Autism. These "Ten Things" that the book mentions, really opens ones eyes to a whole different way of understanding and interacting with an individual with Autism. It really showed me better ways to communicate with them. For anyone at all that has or is working with someone on the spectrum, you need to read this book. It will help you to be more sensitive and them better. Thank you for this book!
- If you have a child with autism in your life, you absolutely must read this
By A6UA8UY8BKCKG on 2006-09-07
As a parent with a child on the spectrum, I found this a wonderful resource. I loved Notbohm's clear and concise language and her insightful observations are on target. It was as informative as it was positive and empowering. And I've found that building strategies around her observations actually work! Highly recommended, especially if you need to see the positive in raising a child on the spectrum.
- 10 Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew
By A17WHKMDX398HK on 2007-01-23
This book should be read by anyone who knows and interacts with someone who has autism.
- Too Basic
By A3UAUE3NO806Z2 on 2007-06-09
This book is very basic, common sense. It may come in handy for the newly diagnosed family, however, its not very accurate really because every person with autism is different and dont feel the same things. Each chapter is basically telling about the title of the chapter, the 1-10 things etc. I read the book in about an hour and didnt learn anything I hadnt already known. I was disapointed.
- A Keeper
By A7GT0WQKKDP0V on 2007-10-02
It hasn't been that long since I discovered that Sam has some form of Autism, still not clear what form although I definitely have some strong opinions, but this is the first book I picked up that addresses children and autism specifically.
I am reminded of when I had a stillborn baby.
I had to take my time before I could read anything about stillbirth. It was too painful for a while to even crack open a book.
That is how this has been, there has been quite a bit of grief associated with this realization, so when I began to read Ellen Notbohn's book the tears began to flow because I knew I had found a kindred spirit. The first big distinction she makes, as reviewers have noted, is that my child has autism, he is not "autistic." He is not the disorder. He is Sam, still perfect little Sam, who just so happens to have autism. It is not just semantics and word order, it is state-of-heart.
This invaluable resource gives a short-nuts-and-bolts approach in the beginning and then embellishes with detailed ideas and suggestions for living this life with your child.
I kept thinking, "If I had read this last year, I would have recognized Sam in the pages, we wouldn't be in this educational quagmire we are in..." and then I remembered another very important tidbit in the book.
Patience. Patience. Patience.
There are numerous gems in this title. I wish I had read it years ago, so I could recognize this possibility in my child.
It is highly engaging, practical and easy to follow. I will share it with other family members so they will understand how to relate to my little boy.
- Full of insight
By A3A9UGVN1HUNJN on 2006-07-11
Being one who is just beginning to learn about Autism, this book really was intriguing to me. I was one of those that thought that if someone had Autism, that they were not capable of functioning in society. I saw throughout, the thoughts that so many people on the spectrum of Autism have but cannot express. I see why they respond so very differently to a variety of circumstances. I understand more fully the "why" behind so many of their actions and inability to cope with things. I also realized that many people who have Autism, truly can function in society just fine with some minimal adjustments. I appreciate the point of view in which this book was written. It is a help to all of us who are trying to understand better this disorder.
- Good for all levels of expertise
By A10F7MUOR2XZ5H on 2007-05-25
I am an occupational therapist who works with children who have autism. We are always looking for resources for parents and teachers to help them to understand "in a nutshell" the most relevant information about autism. This is a great book that explains, in a very reader friendly format and in understandable terms, the major challenges a child with autism faces. It's very brief and easy to read, but provides significant information for anyone who knows a child with autism. By understanding more about how a child feels or what he/she experiences, others will gain compassion as well as skills in how to best and most effectively interact with these very special children. Awesome book... we ordered many to distribute throughout our school system.
- One section was good, ten were frustrating
By A3TLM55OUHUW1N on 2008-02-13
When I started this book, I thought "what a breath of fresh air!" It seemed so light, focusing on the psychological aspect of autism, which in today's world, seems to go unnoticed. Years ago, autism was thought to be completely psychological. Now the pendulum has swung 180 degrees the other way, and all we ever focus on is the biological aspect of autism. I am extremely interested in the biological aspect, but there are also psychological aspects that warrant attention.
But then she goes into more detail on each of the ten items. This is where I felt like the book self-destructed. There were a couple of themes that I just got tired of hearing, One was a good occupational therapist will help you with x, y, z... All occupational therapists are not the same. And just because you see an occupational therapist, does not mean you child is going to improve. I felt like she was leaving out huge details. What was it that she thought was so great, and why isn't she telling us?
Her lack of details was just annoying. For instance, at one point she's talking about an instance where her son uses echolia (repeating something previously heard verbatim), to answer a question, in this case, she says it's a line directly out of the movie Toy Story. But she never tells us what he said, what was the line? It was an irritating loose end. She does make the point that she read an article written by an adult with ASD where he explained that much of his daily conversation is echolia, which brought her peace. My son still does it sometimes, possibly more than I realize, but it is invisible to 99 percent of the world, so I don't care.
She tells a story about an intervention that was popular in the 90's and how she said "If you do that to my child, I will kill you!" But she doesn't tell us what the intervention was. Again, why bring it up if you won't tell us the details. If it was that bad, why be silent on the subject?
Then there's the constant drumming of "don't try to fix your kid". Well, that's all well and good for her. Her son is verbal, goes to dances, stays at camp for a week, sort of "that's easy for you to say." And in some respects, she speaks out of both sides of her mouth on this subject. In the beginning she made it clear she wasn't going to accept what everyone said about how he wasn't going to ever be able to do numerous things. So she obviously wanted to help her son, possibly even fix him. Had she focused on simply adjusting your slant from fix to help, it would have been more tolerable. She does talk about looking at the good side of ASD, such as instead of lining things up, they are good organizers, but I really felt like she got stuck on semantics, and being politically correct, even though she said that wasn't her taste or style.
On several occasions she criticizes a parent's feelings. For instance, she brings up the vaccine issue while criticizing a parent for being angry that his child was made autistic by the shots. She thinks he's wrong to focus on the damage done to his child, and that he needs to focus on the future. She then says she's not going to get into the question as to whether or not the shots cause autism. Then why bring it up, just so you can criticize the poor man that is devastated his child is autistic? Anger is part of the mourning process; we've all been through it. And don't bring up lightening rod subjects like the vaccine debate then refuse to discuss it.
This book had a great start, but it left me feeling very frustrated. I don't recommend it.
- Must read!!
By AUFRU4SYMR8DI on 2007-03-12
I loved this book. It's very positive and upbeat. The author suggests ways of looking for the positives for your child with autism with out claiming to "cure" Autism. She also shares what has worked for her and her child with out claiming that this is the only way to treat a child with autism. She also points out specific areas such as sensory and social that need to be addressed for a child with Autism. I'm sharing this book with my children's teachers and Sunday school workers.
- School geek
By A2ZS1P6UXAI4WZ on 2007-02-16
This helps to look into the soul of someone with autism. Wonderful info for anyone who works with or lives with someone with autism. One of the most helpful books out there on this subject.
- Sensory challenges
By A1RGJXM0W30LP8 on 2007-06-22
In The book Ten Things Every Child Wishes You Knew.You will find that it explains the sensory challanges in basic english. So if you do not know what sensory challenges are this book will be a great help to you.I wish I could have read this book when my daughter was first diagnosed with autism.
- Good book but could be an article
By A3VGSA71W3ZPM5 on 2007-10-05
The author says the book was originally an article she wrote. She got a huge response and made the article into a book. I think the desired effect of the book isn't probably any better than an article. The ten things are good ones, but maybe not enough for a book. This is a worthwhile book if you are new to working with kids with autism/autism-like features. It is a worthwhile book if you are a parent have feel like you have no clue how to interact with your child (though you do -- use your heart, do what you feel led to. Pray. God will help). As far as learning anything earth-shattering -- no. It is common sense.
- A TOTAL CHANGE OF PERSPECTIVE
By A2XVV9IY8LP25M on 2007-01-10
After rivers of tears since recieving our daughter's diagnosis,Ellen's book was like sun through the clouds shining a new light on our perspective. Ten Things is a needed reminder of all the proactive steps a parent can take while remembering that Autism is not the whole child but only a part of the path we are walking together. Ellen is refreshingly funny while still being informative and enlightening.
I have since gone out and bought this book for our daughter's behavior therapist and day care provider and I believe anyone working with special needs children should read this book.
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