Beyond Reason: Using Emotions as You Negotiate Reviews

• Winning With the Other Party Feeling Good

  
  By A1M8PP7MLHNBQB on 2005-11-23
  In MBA school we are taught to negeotiate with a lot of figures, charts, graphs, etc. Once all the facts are known, the decision is simple. The problem with that is two fold: 1. They are typically based on projections that may well not be true (remember the Edsel and the Convair 880). 2. They ignore the feelings of the other person involved, and feelings are very important. Sometimes (often) a decision is made that is not to the person's best interest simply because of feelings.
  
  This book breaks down the five core emothions of feeling appreciated, alone, imposition, put down, trivialized. It covers business negeotion, but perhaps even more important is negeotiating with teens (but not two year olds), the mentally ill (ex-wives included), the drunk in a bar.
  
  The techniques described here are given examples in buying a small item, presenting a case to the Supreme Court, to discussing border disagreements between a couple of nations. In short, we all negeotiate all the time, it works best when both parties feel that they got the best of the deal.
  
  

• Terrific book on dealing with emotions in negotiations

  
  By A3LBKCLL9DIV1C on 2006-08-13
  This book by Roger Fisher and Daniel Shapiro has rightfully won a prize offered by the International Institute for Conflict Prevention and Resolution for the best book on negotiation. The book focuses on the important role emotions play in negotiations and offers a practical framework for dealing with them constructively. Throughout the book Fisher and Shapiro present recognizable examples, ranging for day to day situations we all encounter to political negotiations with huge impact for millions.
  
  For me, the most interesting part of the book is were the authors explain five core concerns -- appreciation, affiliation, autonomy, status and role -- and their effect on decision making. They provide sensible advice on how to use these concerns as levers to keep negotiations constructive. Here is a quote from the book giving you an example: "Perhaps the most powerful way to soothe someone's emotions is to appreciate their concerns. There are three elements in appreciating someone. You want to UNDERSTAND the other's point of view; FIND MERIT in what they are thinking, feeling, or doing; and COMMUNICATE the merit you see." I think that is a terrific way to put it!
  
  The content of this book is one thing that makes it worthwhile. Another reason why I like it is that it is exceptionally well-structured. I like it when authors do their very best to make it as easy as possible for readers to understand their core messages. Fisher and Shapiro succeed very well in this.
  
  

• Valuable book

  
  By A2Z8EHR6NCQCVB on 2005-11-09
  I recently finished reading "Beyond Reason" by Roger Fisher and Daniel Shapiro. The book is centered on an idea that emotions play an important role in negotiations and provided an analytical view on how to best manage the emotional side of negotiations. While I was aware that emotions can have a big impact on a negotiation, or even a conversation, I really enjoyed the perspective that the authors offered on dealing with people who "abuse" the power of emotions, ranging from coercion by threat to playing on sympathy.
  
  Although the advice of the authors was generally helpful, I sometimes questioned practicality of following the guidelines in day-to-day affairs. For example, the authors encouraged the readers to document and discuss each of the negotiations as part of constant learning process, often spending sixty to ninety minutes in follow up discussions. As a manager of a development team with frequent meetings, such analysis would put a significant damper on my productivity. However, I realize that the book is not intended to be followed as a "manual" and each person may have to make practical adjustments.
  
  Overall, the book is a "must read" for everyone, not just frequent negotiators. In the book, I found a lot of advice on how to respect the emotions that govern the meeting in many different settings. Since I learn best from seeing complex concepts in action, the case study that concluded the book put a neat "bow" on a very enjoyable and valuable read.
  
  

• An attorney's impression

  
  By A3TSQOITDVSTJ3 on 2005-12-21
  As an attorney this book has altered the way I argue my cases. It has given me insight into the negotiation process in a different way than any other book I have read on negotiation. The five core concerns have helped me when I talk with my client, other attorneys and even when I interact with the judge. I also use the five core concerns in my personal life. You can grasp them in only a few minutes, yet they have a complexity to them. When you read the chapter about the ex-President of Equador you can understand how these core concerns can work on any level - personal, professional, or political. It is a must in everyone's library.
  
  

• Great book -- Improved my marriage

  
  By A1M52GY4SRE324 on 2005-12-17
  At first, I thought this book was for professional negotiators, but a friend told me about the book and really found it helpful. So I thought I'd give it a shot. I am happy I did. I've found it really helpful in dealing with my husband and with our inevitable day-to-day arguments. The chapter on "autonomy" hit home -- especially the idea of the "bucket theory." We put that to use, and I've found that my husband and I now get in many fewer conflicts. (I've now recommended the book to three of my friends, who are in the middle of it right now!)
  
  
• Amazing, Useful
  By A2TM9ALPHAJYJ on 2005-10-15
  I heard about this book from a friend in my reading group. Seven of us get together each week to discuss a novel or nonfiction. At first, I thought: "Why should I read a book on negotiation? I don't negotiate for a living?" But the book made me realize, first of all, that we negotiate all the time - whether with our kids, spouse, car salesperson, etc. What REALLY struck me, however, was the "five core concerns" they discuss. I've always been taught to hide my emotions. And this book helped me figure out how to USE my emotions in positive ways. I now approach my conversations with my husband and kids much differently. A simple book, but for me: life-changing!
  
  
• Buy it for the holidays
  By A3TUIICAZDDK0T on 2005-12-19
  You want a book that can help you with your family relationships over the holidays? This one will do it for you. I read it and it has already helped me with my teenage daughter. Combine this book with Getting to Yes by Roger Fisher, and you will get what you want in any relationship. It's been working for me.
  
  
• Powering Resolution through Building Positive Emotions
  By A1K1JW1C5CUSUZ on 2006-02-02
  Anyone who has ever conducted a negotiation knows that everyone involved is tense. Some people become so tense that they are not able to operate effectively. Other negotiators seem to have the touch for relaxing everyone and quickly reaching an agreement that everyone likes.
  
  Fans of Getting to Yes have probably run into attorneys and negotiators who didn't want to play ball. These people may have been hostile, manipulative and short-sighted. But it's hard to reason with these parties using the Getting to Yes principles if you do not have your own emotions under control.
  
  Beyond Reason is a much needed and valuable resource for dealing with the emotional context for negotiations.
  
  The process for taking the initiative (express appreciation, build affiliation, respect autonomy, acknowledge status, and choose a fulfilling role) is constructive, common sense methods that anyone will feel comfortable doing. As helpful as that process is, I found the most useful advice coming in chapters 8-10 which describe how to be ready for strong emotions, being prepared for negotiations and the case history of the border dispute resolution between Ecuador and Peru.
  
  The examples in the book are well chosen to illustrate the principles and breathe life into those concepts. Roger Fisher and Daniel Shapiro have a light touch that defuses your apprehension as you address this subject.
  
  I also recommend that you read Crucial Conversations, a good complementary book on how to address strong emotions in others and yourself when they arise unexpectedly and unpleasantly.
  
  
• Powerful ideas , immediately useful
  By A1HGL0UCV2MIMU on 2005-10-05
  The most helpful book I've read in years. Too many self-help books have wonderful ideas -- but I end up forgetting everything the next day. "Beyond Reason" is different. The ideas are simple enough to remember, and I've already been able to apply them with success with my family at home and with a tough clientele at work. I highly recommend this book to anyone who deals with anyone.
  
  
• Beyond Reason
  By A3U4DZQO0OX85N on 2005-10-11
  Easy reading, really helpful
  
  
  
  I am a doctor. I read Beyond Reason over the weekend (it's a fast read). I tried out the ideas with my patients this week, and the effect was surprising. I didn't think the ideas were going to help that much. But they did. Patient after patient responded to my respect for their coreconcerns. And I was able to build rapport by using the ideas in Beyond Reason from the moment my patients stepped through the door to my office. The five core concerns were easy for me to use with my patients so that they get the most out of their visit, and so that I know how they are feeling.
  Batbayar Damdin
  
  
  
• Systematic & practical approach
  By ACMD690GJ0FJ on 2006-02-26
  Fisher & Shapiro have beautifully presented a practical framework of '5 Core Concerns' to enable readers to effectively utilize emotions in negotiations. I find the concept of the framework very simple to grasp, yet powerful to be applied in both professional & personal situations. 'Beyond Reason' is also packed with lucid examples which make it a truly enjoyable read.
  
  
• This book will help you become a better negotiator!
  By A2HM0BZWQRV1EF on 2006-03-30
  BEYOND REASON: USING EMOTIONS AS YOU NEGOTIATE by Roger Fisher and Daniel Shapiro had me hooked
  from the very first paragraph when it gave examples of situations that
  we all have faced at one time or another . . . the first involved
  a customer backing out of an agreement before the final document
  gets signed, the second had a car dealer telling a customer that
  his new car engine wasn't covered under warranty and the
  third had an 11-year-old telling you that she wasn't going to
  wear her coat on a cold winter morning.
  
  Typically, rather than being rational in our negotiations in these
  situations, we turn to anger and behavior that does not help
  us get what we want . . . a large part of the reason behind this is that
  we don't take into account the five key emotions that are most critical
  to productive negotiations: appreciation, affiliation, autonomy, status,
  and role.
  
  By considering these, Fisher and Shapiro contend that we'll be
  far better negotiators--and the other side will feel better about the
  process, too.
  
  What really made this book so meaningful for me was the fact
  that the authors used so many actual situations, either that
  they've been through or that others have experienced . . . these
  ranged from work situations to marital discord and included
  attempts to find peace in the Middle East . . . a final chapter
  featured guest commentary from the former President of Ecuador,
  Jamil Mahuad, who explains how he applied interest-based negotiations
  theory to highly charged negotiations between his country and Peru
  on a border dispute in the late 1990s.
  
  There were several memorable passages; among them:
  * If you find that you have stopped listening to the other person,
  ask yourself, "Am I done or are they done?" In other words, have you
  prematurely stopped listening to the other person-perhaps because
  you are tired of listening to them or are uncomfortable with the
  emotions they are expressing?
  
  * Make yourself indebted to the other. Benjamin Franklin suggested
  that doing a favor can help build a link between you and another.
  Rather than doing a favor for  other people, however, he suggested
  that you let them do a favor for you. Borrow a book or otherwise ask
  them for a small favor that is easy to grant. You become indebted
  to the other person, and that person feels both generous and
  connected.
  
  * Meet in person rather than via phone, computer, or e-mail. Personal
  distance is better reduced by face-to-face conversation than through
  e-mail, letters, or the telephone. Once you get to know someone in
  person, it is easier to avoid stereotyping that person or misattributing
  ideas to them. Whether a negotiation involves Israelis and Palestinians,
  labor and management, or a landlord and tenant, face-to-face negotiation
  helps to humanize each of the parties and provides a greater depth
  of context. When people meet you in your office, you  may want
  to avoid having your desk become a barrier. Former Secretary of State
  Dean Acheson regularly got up from behind his desk and moved to a chair
  near that of his guest. Roger has his desk facing bookshelves on the wall
  so that he can easily swivel his chair and greet a  visitor who is promptly
  invited to sit nearby. Without a desk between you, it can be easier
  to build a personal connection.
  
  
  
• Powerful Skills
  By A1UPCM6BCM8XI3 on 2005-10-12
  Beyond Reason is a must read. I am a high school teacher and this book hasalready helped me get the teens in my classroom to become better listeners and more engaged in their studies. (Any teacher knows that this is not always an easy task.) I used the five core concerns in dealing with my students, and the difference was amazing. The class tone became more positive. Students were more engaged. And I'm now much more sensitized to issues of autonomy, the need for appreciation, and the other ideas in the book. I've tried out the ideas with my family, and they helped there, too. Great and easy read...most helpful!
  
  
• Finally, the follow-up to Getting to YES!
  By A1CBFNPZQXVJ1H on 2005-10-14
  This is the long-awaited follow-up to Getting to Yes (one of Roger Fisher's previous bestsellers). Fisher basically created the entire field of negotiation. And this new book is a great follow-up. It tells you how to deal with emotions - yours and the other person's - in just about any interaction. Fisher and Shapiro highlight five ways that you can improve the tone of just about any interaction (e.g., through respecting autonomy, affiliation, status, etc.). The result is that you can get what you want. I truly believe that anybody who negotiates - whether with family, a colleague at work, or a tough counterpart - can benefit from this book. It's written in the same tone as "Getting to Yes" - i.e., you can read it in a few hours. And just like Getting to Yes, there are a few big points that are completely practical. I negotiate a lot of tough contracts as part of my job, and the ideas in this book are practical enough to use right away, and have enough depth that I know over time I'll understand them more and more...
  
  
• Using Emotions In Negotiation & Mediation
  By A2W1TK5CJXKH5U on 2006-10-04
  This book by Fisher and Shapiro shows the versatility and brilliance of the Harvard Negotiation Project. After decades of teaching us that negotiation and also mediation is a matter of focus on "process, interests, needs and substance" we are now told that emotions have a unique and powerful influence upon the negotiation and the results of the negotiation.
  
  Emotions are extremely hard to quantify and they are surely not rational. Emotions come, they are there; they are physiological and psychological reactions to environmental situations. These things are not just reactions to physical environment; but they are in fact, very much reactions to things that are said and ways that they make us feel. In this book, Fisher and Shapiro try to help utilize emotions in the negotiating process by giving a framework on which to base the use of emotions. The framework is simple, because there is only so much time one can invest in this monitoring and still focus on substance. Nonetheless, the model is useful and should be taken seriously.
  
  The model is based on the negotiator or mediator having an awareness of 5 critical core concerns that are basic to all human beings. These core concerns are as follows:
  
  1) Appreciation
  2) Affiliation
  3) Autonomy
  4) Status
  5) Role
  
  Fisher and Shapiro take great care to define these terms not just with words, but with truly wonderful examples of how each aspect affected a real life negotiation. This thereby gives the Negotiator or Mediator a good feeling of how this framework can be utilized in practice.
  
  If the Mediator/Negotiator is attuned to these 5 core concerns and meets them with confidence and empathy, the potential for successful outcome is much greater than would be if these factors were ignored. The book is highly recommended for any person who does a lot of negotiation and/or mediation.
  
  
  
• Another Strong Work
  By ABX7SEE84DMLU on 2007-02-07
  "Getting to Yes" deservedly became a classic in its field. This book, co-authored by Roger Fisher, is another strong addition to the literature in this area.
  
  I did not like the audio edition's use of both music (very trite) and of "guest narrators." These devices were especially irritating when you learn that the audio edition is an abridgement. By inference, it suggests that core material was edited out in order to make room for bad music and guest narrators.
  
  But maybe that's just me being emotional...
  
  
• Makes you take a step back!
  By A2A8J5IBDMH9TU on 2007-03-09
  I hate it when I get sucked into an emotionally-charged argument and I feel like my mouth and feelings are totally out of control. This book does a great job in deconstructing typical arguments and examining what is happening in each step of the conversation. It helped me understand people's mindsets better, and it places me in a better position to stay calm and in control next time I have a tough conversation, while also better understanding what the other parties possibly want.
  
  
• Belongs in every home and workplace
  By A3ONRFEWILY00B on 2005-10-16
  Fisher and Shapiro's book supplies the key missing piece in Roger Fisher's lifetime body of work creating the field of negotiation theory and practice: the role of emotion. After a series of books expanding the Getting to Yes paradigm into different substantive fields, such as long-term working relationships (Getting Together); international conflict (Beyond Machiaveli; Coping with International Conflict); group negotiations; and negotiation preparation, this new book addresses a whole new dimension of the negotiation process. Contains some of Fisher's most vivid and powerful stories as well as invaluable practical advice on how to "hear the music" of a negotiation and even set the tone yourself, creating positive emotions in others and making your own emotions work for you.
  
  
• Worth it!
  By ASE9CWW9PHNBH on 2005-11-02
  This is a great book. I like the discussion of the five core concerns. They are very simple, but the truth is, we often forget to address them. If you're looking for a more specific guide to the do's and don'ts of what to say to build rapport and win people over, I suggest reading the book Instant Persuasion.
  
  
• PON has done it again.
  By A694AF4KF4L0Q on 2006-02-21
  Dan Shapiro and Roger Fisher have presented a fantastic way for identifying and dealing with potentially disturbing emotions in negotiation. Their framework of looking at the core concerns is a great approach to dealing with emotions in the moment. On top of that, the world class story telling of Fisher and Shapiro make this book not only educational but also an incredibly entertaining read. This book is useful for all students of negotiation and anyone who occasionally finds themselves becoming a slave to their emotions.
  
  
• Book on negotiation works well for me
  By A1H6JP5UC5WVT7 on 2007-01-18
  Negotiation reflects our own individual personalities. Like baking a cake or making pudding. Or like raising children or making a marriage work.
  
  Hearing the ideas and experiences of others about how to negotiate helps. But we have to figure out how to do this ourselves. Following a cookbook helps us bake a cake. But consulting a manual during the middle of a negotiating session does not work.
  
  Still, Beyond Reason helps. It provides a great guide and fresh ideas to try when negotiations get tough. As a lawyer, my job requires lots of negotiation, from formal sessions to quick telephone calls to emails back and forth. This book has helped me be more productive in negotiation, avoiding letting emotions on either side get us off track.
  
  Much as I like the now classic Getting to Yes and the follow-on Getting Past No, this book has been more helpful. The reason, I think, are the stories. Principles in the abstract I find hard to remember. But I remember stories. And when they are tied to principles, recalling the story usually helps me recall the principle as well.
  
  Beyond Reason is filled with memorable stories. One example. The authors warn against making assumptions about the basis for the other side's proposals. The story behind it? It's an amusing one, having to do with no woman having a second appendix. (Not wanting to give away the punch line, I'll leave it at that.)
  
  I just completed a tough negotiation, stretching over a couple of years. Beyond Reason helped me, and I think the other side as well, find a reasonable solution. I was surprised how often I remembered things from the book that helped as the negotiations evolved.
  
  The proof is in the pudding. Using Beyond Reason to negotiate with helped me make some pretty tasty pudding. That's good enough for me to highly recommend this book.
  
  
  
  
• www.valderbeebeshow.com
  By A3SXPGG5GJG34N on 2006-03-05
  Beyond Reason: Using Emotions as You Negotiate
  by Roger Fisher, Daniel Shapiro (Viking Adult 2005)
  As I am delighted to have the opportunity to review Beyond Reason: Using Emotions as You Negotiate (for a second time), I am drawn to my timeless response when I reread a great book: Wow!
  Fisher and Shapiro bring details and strategies for using our emotions in a productive and positive aspect to get what we want in negotiations. In our society where negotiations break down easily, or negotiations are not considered as a viable option, the authors' researched and proven methods for successful negotiations make them the "Dale Carnegies" of the 21st century. Fisher and Shapiro teach the average person how to make friends and influence people for personal and business success.
  Empower yourself with the valuable tools you already possess, your emotions!
  
  
  
• How to use emotion to negotiate
  By A2FNM5JVHZP0IW on 2006-04-13
  For a fine treatise on effective negotiation, consult BEYOND REASON: USING EMOTIONS AS YOU NEGOTIATE: it maintains that emotions DO matter, especially when negotiating with an angry person in turn, and then shows how to fine-tune these passions into outlets which motivate people. Use his analysis of 'core concerns' to understand and generate desired, helpful emotions in self and others and understand how the emotional tone of the discussion often sets negotiation possibilities in a title which clarifies professional responses and how to employ emotions to turn conflicts into opportunity.
  
  
  
• Practical & Insightful Framework for Negotiations
  By A10NVJJMVE7RJW on 2006-07-11
  Negotiations guru Roger Fisher has teamed with Daniel Shapiro to offer a valuable new perspective to the world of negotiations. For those in business, Emotions might not seem an obvious source of valuable data, yet they are. The authors provide 5 areas of core concerns which may be at issue during a negotiation. Those 5 areas provide a useful check list: appreciation, affiliation, autonomy, status and role.
  
  Two recommendations about how to work with this list of core concerns stand out. One is to check with yourself first, to see if one of your own core concerns has been upset, as that may inform you about why your own reaction has become intense or anxious. This self-awareness can vastly improve effectiveness.
  
  The other surprising recommendation is to notice the emotion but speak to the concern beneath the emotion, to address what's at stake for the person. In other words, be aware of the emotion but alleviate it by addressing the concern. They offer good clear definitions of terms, useful examples, some of which are humorous and even personally revealing by the authors. It can be read straight through and accessed again later for negotiations which have you stumped. For those familiar with Myers-Briggs, it's a great model for bridging the decision making dichotomies of "Thinking" and "Feeling". The model appeals to logic, expertise and precedent, as well as affiliation and appreciation.
  
  
  
• Very Good Continuation of Getting to Yes
  By A3LKVZXB5358A9 on 2006-11-05
  Although I have still not finished reading the book, I can say that it is an excellent continuation to Getting to Yes. The book is based on five key points to using emotions when negotiating. Having reached the second point so far, I can say that I am already implementing Roger and Dan's recommendations in my every day negotiations. It is definitely a worthwhile read.
  
  
• A Lesson in Manners...
  By A2I89FGXBGC8NZ on 2006-11-06
  This book is written for those of us who need a few tips on how to deal with difficult people. It teaches us the alternative to aggression, and much more effective ways to communicate that result in win-win situations.
  
  This book is almost like a lesson in manners, which, unfortunately, we all need from time to time.
  
  
• An Easy, Straightforward Read
  By A3IHRX17E6S4I2 on 2007-02-18
  I read this book having no prior experience in negotiation, yet I found it simple, straightforward and easy to understand. The main thrust of this book is acknowledging the emotional aspect of negotiation, thereby strengthening your ability to negotiate to your fullest potential. Negotiation, as used in this text, can range from personal day-to-day interaction, to international dispute resolution.
  
  In order to categorize the ideas that the authors consider under the umbrella of "emotion," they have listed them as: Expressing Appreciation, Building Affiliation, Respecting Autonomy, and Acknowledging Status.
  
  With in each of these categories the authors detail things to be aware of, how to balance your emotions and how to be prepared. What I really appreciated about this text was the follow-up to the academic side with practical application and their own personal experience. The whole last chapter is aptly delegated to how these principles worked in action when the presidents of Peru and Equator met to negotiate a land settlement in the late 90's. The president of Equator had previously taken classes in these principles from one of the authors, and applied them in these negotiations.
  
  I found this an interesting and applicable read and recommend it to those who are looking for a rounding to their understanding of negotiation.
  
  
• A new classic
  By A19CI1T3Z6QNLM on 2005-10-12
  This book is sure to be a classic. It offers concise tools to help you deal with other people's emotions (and your own). As the authors note, many of us see the emotional world as being too fuzzy and complicated. But in Beyond Reason, Fisher and Shapiro have simplified things for the better. I've been able to use their five concepts right away in my own life: In my own business, I've put these ideas to practice. They work. And I have already used the advice on affiliation and appreciation to improve my relationship with my kids.
  
  
• Very, very basic.
  By A3TBMAWIIHKHFN on 2006-12-10
  I began reading this book with the hopes of picking up some fresh ideas on negotiating. As a lawyer handling divorce and family cases, I frequently see a high-level of emotions between parties and I was curious to see if the authors had some insight into how to this might effect negotiations. However, this book was incredibly basic, and I'm not sure who it was written for because all it did was state the obvious. There are better books available on negotiation and this book does not provide anything unique.
  
  
• Worth a quick reading
  By A2ORN2V4UDK9MJ on 2007-10-03
  I read this book right after reading "Starting with NO" by Jim Camp. My key takeaway is the awareness about the core concerns that stimulate emotions during negotiation - Appreciation, Autonomy, Affiliation, Status & Role.
  
  It was hard for me to sustain interest with the book. I felt that there is more theory than real life stories & examples. Anyways, it is worth a quick reading.
  
  

• Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In
• Getting Past No
• Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss what Matters Most
• The Power of a Positive No: Save The Deal Save The Relationship and Still Say No
• Bargaining for Advantage: Negotiation Strategies for Reasonable People 2nd Edition